Myth 18 - MythChief by Asprin, Robert (good non fiction books to read .TXT) 📕

“All right!” Narwickius said, shaking off my hand. He rose magnificently and drew his hand up to his chest. “I must get to the viewing before all of the good things are taken. We leave this wretched place, never to return. I, Nar-​wickius, state this to be true.”

“Good,” I said. “Nice doing business with you.”

He gave me a haughty look and waved a hand.

BAMF! All of the Titans vanished.

“Nice work, Skeeve,” Guido croaked out.

“Which one is it?” Chumley asked, kicking at the de-​bris on the floor.

I reached around the chunk of wood that had once been a handsome mantelpiece and drew out a rainbow-​colored teddy bear.

“This is it,” I said. “I hope. Let's go see Marmilda and Marmel.” The Imps were asleep, sitting up on a couch with their arms around one another's necks. “Sweet family concord, what?” Chumley asked. I nudged them awake with the toe of my shoe. They leaped up. “This is all your fault,” Marmilda exclaimed. Marmel went on guard. “I didn't make a deal with a Titan!” “I didn't have a choice!”

“If you had told me you promised our inheritance to someone else, I might have understood.” “If you hadn't been so greedy, it might have been pos-​sible to hold a civil conversation with you!” “Excuse me,” I said, waving a hand between them. The Imp siblings turned to glare at me. “He's gone.” “What?” They both turned to look at us. “Narwickius gave up,” I explained. “It took a while, but it's over. I don't think he's ever coming back.”

Marmilda jumped up and hugged us all. “Oh, thank you! You've all been so wonderful I... I just didn't know what to do. You just came in on such short notice, took charge, and you were all so calm. I was terrified! I don't know about Marmel...”

“I was terrified, too,” the Imp admitted.

“. .. But I just absolutely have to say that everything we ever heard about M.Y.T.H., Inc. is true.” The siblings beamed at us.

We all fell into an awkward silence. I was starting to get used to them. Guido cleared his throat. “Uh, thanks, ma'am. We endeavor to give satisfaction.” “Oh, you have!”

“Narwickius's departure fulfills the terms of our con-​tract,” Tananda said. “I hate to be a hero and run, but we have got some other appointments today.”

“Oh, of course,” Marmilda said. She gave Marmel an embarrassed glance. “Six gold coins was your fee, I think you said?”

“That's what we discussed,” Guido said, “but we couldn't have done it without Mister Skeeve, so you'd better give him half of the dough.”

“No!” I protested. Tananda gave me a sharp look that told me “not in front of the clients!” I subsided.

I turned to Marmilda with a smile. “Internal bookkeep-​ing. Actually, if you will give it all to Big Crunch, he'll make sure the money gets back to our accountant and is distributed properly.”

“Of course!” the Imp female said, counting coins into the enormous purple palm. “Thank you so much. I am go-​ing to tell every one of my customers how wonderful you have been.”

“Yeah,” Guido grunted. He gave me a sideways glance. “Well, we gotta go. Nice hangin' wit' you, Boss.” “The same, Guido,” I said, putting out a hand. He gripped it. Tananda gave me an all-​encompassing hug. “Don't be a stranger.” “I won't,” I said.

“Bye,” Big Crunch, a.k.a. Chumley said laconically. Tananda went through some magikal gyrations and ... BAMF!

“Well,” I said to the two puzzled Imps standing in front of me. “Marmel made a side deal with me. Your father's Hoho Jug is a valuable artifact. Not that he didn't leave you plenty of inheritance ...”

“Most of which is lying on the sidewalk outside,” Marmilda pointed out.

“... But this is the only thing you two are really fight-​ing over,” I concluded. I brandished my rainbow-​colored stuffed bear.

“That?” Marmilda asked, with every evidence of dis-​taste.

I hastily undid my illusion, revealing the terrifying smile of the stuffed squid from Dover. “That?” she repeated.

“That,” I said. “If you're the rightful heir to this piece, it should regain its ordinary appearance if you call it.”

“That's easy.” Marine! said. He held out a hand. “C'mere, Hoho Jug!” The squid hung there in my hand. “Then it's mine,” Marmilda said, with a pleased smile. “Hoho Jug!” The squid didn't change for her, either.

“What is this?” Marmel demanded. “Did you do some-​thing to it? It can't belong to neither of us! We're Dad's only heirs!”

A slow smile made its way from one of my ears to the other. “It doesn't belong to either of you. I will bet my fee that it belongs to BOTH of you. Didn't you tell me you were sitting together when he said he wanted you to have it?”

They looked at one another. “That only makes sense,” Marmilda said. “No, it doesn't,” Marmel whined. “I want it for myself! You'll just try and sell it.”

“Selling it could help pull us out of debt.” “It's our heritage!”

“Hey, hey, HEY!” I shouted over the escalating voices. “Look, if you two are going to fight about it, I'll go find Narwickius and tell him I located it after all. He might buy-​it, or he might tear your heads off and take it after all he went through trying to find it. You can decide if you want to keep it in the family or not later on, after I go home. All right?” “Okay,” Marmel said, sulkily. “What do you say, sis?” “Yes.”

“Good.” I brandished the squid at the pair of Imps. “Talk