The Small House at Allington by Anthony Trollope (the kiss of deception read online txt) 📕

you to come round with me, Dale, and see what I am doing to the land,” the earl said. And then he proposed to order saddle-horses. But the squire preferred walking, and in this way they were disposed of soon after breakfast.

John had it in his mind to get Bell to himself for half an hour, and hold a conference with her; but it either happened that Lady Julia was too keen in her duties as a hostess, or else, as was more possible, Bell avoided the meeting. No opportunity for such an interview offered itself, though he hung about the drawing-room all the morning. “You had better wait for luncheon, now,” Lady Julia said to him about twelve. But this he declined; and taking himself away hid himself about the place for the next hour and a half. During this time he considered much whether it would be better for him to ride or walk. If she should give him any hope, he could ride back triumphant as a field-marshal. Then the horse would be delightful to him. But if she should give him no hope⁠—if it should be his destiny to be rejected utterly on that morning⁠—then the horse would be terribly in the way of his sorrow. Under such circumstances what could he do but roam wide about across the fields, resting when he might choose to rest, and running when it might suit him to run. “And she is not like other girls,” he thought to himself. “She won’t care for my boots being dirty.” So at last he elected to walk.

“Stand up to her boldly, man,” the earl had said to him. “By George, what is there to be afraid of? It’s my belief they’ll give most to those who ask for most. There’s nothing sets ’em against a man like being sheepish.”

How the earl knew so much, seeing that he had not himself given signs of any success in that walk of life, I am not prepared to say. But Eames took his advice as being in itself good, and resolved to act upon it. “Not that any resolution will be of any use,” he said to himself, as he walked along. “When the moment comes I know that I shall tremble before her, and I know that she’ll see it; but I don’t think it will make any difference in her.”

He had last seen her on the lawn behind the Small House, just at that time when her passion for Crosbie was at the strongest. Eames had gone thither impelled by a foolish desire to declare to her his hopeless love, and she had answered him by telling him that she loved Mr. Crosbie better than all the world besides. Of course she had done so, at that time; but, nevertheless, her manner of telling him had seemed to him to be cruel. And he also had been cruel. He had told her that he hated Crosbie⁠—calling him “that man,” and assuring her that no earthly consideration should induce him to go into “that man’s house.” Then he had walked away moodily wishing him all manner of evil. Was it not singular that all the evil things which he, in his mind, had meditated for the man, had fallen upon him. Crosbie had lost his love! He had so proved himself to be a villain that his name might not be so much as mentioned! He had been ignominiously thrashed! But what good would all this be if his image were still dear to Lily’s heart? “I told her that I loved her then,” he said to himself, “though I had no right to do so. At any rate I have a right to tell her now.”

When he reached Allington he did not go in through the village and up to the front of the Small House by the cross street, but turned by the church gate and passed over the squire’s terrace, and by the end of the Great House through the garden. Here he encountered Hopkins. “Why, if that b’aint Mr. Eames!” said the gardener. “Mr. John, may I make so bold!” and Hopkins held out a very dirty hand, which Eames of course took, unconscious of the cause of this new affection.

“I’m just going to call at the Small House, and I thought I’d come this way.”

“To be sure; this way, or that way, or any way, who’s so welcome, Mr. John? I envies you; I envies you more than I envies any man. If I could a got him by the scuff of the neck, I’d a treated him jist like any wermin;⁠—I would, indeed! He was wermin! I ollays said it. I hated him ollays; I did indeed, Mr. John, from the first moment when he used to be nigging away at them foutry balls, knocking them in among the rhododendrons, as though there weren’t no flower blossoms for next year. He never looked at one as though one were a Christian; did he, Mr. John?”

“I wasn’t very fond of him myself, Hopkins.”

“Of course you weren’t very fond of him. Who was?⁠—only she, poor young lady. She’ll be better now, Mr. John, a deal better. He wasn’t a wholesome lover⁠—not like you are. Tell me, Mr. John, did you give it him well when you got him? I heard you did;⁠—two black eyes, and all his face one mash of gore!” And Hopkins, who was by no means a young man, stiffly put himself into a fighting attitude.

Eames passed on over the little bridge, which seemed to be in a state of fast decay, unattended to by any friendly carpenter, now that the days of its use were so nearly at an end; and on into the garden, lingering on the spot where he had last said farewell to Lily. He looked about as though he expected still to find her there; but there was no one to be seen in the garden, and no sound to be heard. As every step brought him nearer to