Crucifixed (Royal Bastards MC: NYC Book 2) by B.B. Blaque (best books to read for self development .TXT) 📕

told my ass. I’m just a piece of meat in this entrée, motherfucker. Redhook wants meat, baby, and I’m as beefy as they get.”

Yep. Put some meat on the bones of Colt’s new chapter.

FOCUS could find out all the shit at another time, and he’d be on the phone with us durin’ the talk at church. The most important business at hand was to find out about the fuckin’ priests and them other douchebags.

“Let’s put the Redhook talk on the back burner for now. This other stuff has to be front and center. I think my ol’ lady is gonna die if she can’t find out about that damn auction.”

I need you to get this. Hope you haven’t had too many Jager-bombs.

9

Lonely In Love

This has got to be the worst day of my life!

Second only to the day Gio was kicked out.

It may be my last.

After leaving his bar, I wandered around Manhattan and tried to get my feelings together. I knew he meant exactly what he said. There was no question. When he told me to leave, it felt more final than ever since the night he left me standing in the cold. Little did I know how final. I started regretting it from the first step he took away from me.

I’m a hypocrite.

The celibacy vow is such a joke.

Why wouldn’t I break the one that would’ve let me leave?

On the way back to Brooklyn, I couldn’t stop thinking about the anger and hurt in his voice. The lashes he’d given me were worse than usual, but nothing compared to what I knew he was feeling. It was always more than lustful impurity with Crucifix, but my own love for him was a much harder sin to accept.

Why was denying my love more important than validating his love?

My denial is why I’m here.

When the priest came for me, I had a bad feeling that it was my death sentence. I knew Sister Isabella didn’t tell them. She tried to cover for me when I came back in the early morning looking disheveled with a tear-stained face.

The hushed tones started hours before they came. We were both terrified it would be me… and it was. The impure sisters—like me—had gone and never come back. If the rumors were true, it was just a matter of time for me. If I would’ve just been strong enough to stay with him, I wouldn’t be locked away with some big guy guarding my sleeping quarters. Clearly, I was a prisoner. I deserve this for what I’ve done to Gio. What I’ve always done to him.

Sitting in the room at the deserted old rectory was giving me more time to think about things than I wanted. My entire world had been Gio and the church. It seemed it would end that way too. I tried to think of the good things, but it wasn’t easy. I kept thinking back to the night he walked away. It took me so many years to understand why he did what he did. The fear of being deserted when you’re an orphan is so strong and he was my everything. When he left, the only thing left for me was the church. They didn’t abandon me and I clung for dear life to what they offered. What they’ve always given me. Catholic guilt is a real thing. After seeing him on the street in his club vest and how hard he looked as a man, I felt horrible for him. I’d had it much easier and the toll for me wasn’t like his. When he yelled and told me all he’d been through, my heart splintered.

I’m an addict, Fi! I’ve done the unspeakable!

The damn church left me homeless. Is that what you woulda wanted?

Get it through your head, little girl, I did it to save you from this shit!

I carried the fear of being left again since that night. I’ve been terrified he’d abandon me if I left my habit behind. Then I’d have nothing.

My first days at the orphanage weren’t good. I didn’t know where I was or why, and I was so broken and lost. They never did explain what happened to my mother. There are still disconnected memories of being in pain from starving and never knowing when the next bit of food would come. I remember being surrounded in darkness all the time. I don’t know if it was because the power had been turned off or because my mother kept the curtains closed so tightly no light could get in. Fiona! Get away from that window! We can’t let them see us. They’ll take you away.

It seemed like someone was always out to get us—or at least she thought so. When she left me, I wondered if they finally had—if they’d taken me away. It was a long time before I really trusted anyone.

When the older kid with long dark bangs falling across his eyes walked over, I jumped. I didn’t know he’d be the first for almost everything—including trust.

If I didn’t trust him anymore, how could I trust anyone?

“Hey! I’m Gio . . . you’re new here. Ya got a name?” He smiled and shoved a piece of food at me. “Ya better make sure to eat when you can. The others won’t think twice about stealin’ your food.”

The first time I knew what a full belly felt like was after meeting Crucifix.

“I’m Fiona . . . and yeah, I just got here a couple days ago.” I rubbed the tears and snot off my face with a sleeve and pulled back a little when Gio sat cross-legged in front of me. He thrust the food at me again. “What is this?”

He started laughing and, for some reason, I laughed a little