Crucifixed (Royal Bastards MC: NYC Book 2) by B.B. Blaque (best books to read for self development .TXT) š
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- Author: B.B. Blaque
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āThe bagel? Do you mean to tell me youāve never had one?ā He took a bite and pushed it at me again. āYouāre already a beanpole . . . you gotta eat. Trust me. Itās really good.ā
You gotta eat, sister.
Thatās not Crucifix.
āSister, you gotta eat somethinā . . . Father Lombardiās orders. Itās been over a day and you need your strength.ā
The only person Iād seen since Father Lombardi brought me to the closed wing was the guard. He wasnāt a priest. He was typical New York abrasive and smelled like cigarettes. Like Crucifix.
āEverythingās gonna be okay, youāll see. Donāt be so nervous about it.ā He grunted a laugh. āThereās a first time for everything.ā
A first time for everything. Ha. Wonāt you be surprised?
āSorry . . . Iām not hungry.ā I stood from the ratty, old kneeling bench and walked around the room trying not to make eye contact with him. āAs you can imagine, Iām unsettled by this change in scenery. How long do I have to stay here?ā
āEh, I dunno . . . maybe another day or two. We got a fancy ass party to go to.ā He pushed at the tray of food. āYa better eat up. Them parties mostly have stupid little sandwiches and pigs in blankets. Iām sure this aināt your first rodeo, sister. Get to eatinā.ā
When Crucifix started sneaking food over to me in the corner, it made me feel kind of safe. It was years before I even realized what that feeling was. Wish I felt it now. He never pushed me to sit with the other kids or to come out of hiding. When he was done eating, heād bring stuff heād put aside so I could eat in secret. No one bothered him because heād been there longer than most. Since no one wanted trouble with Gio, no one wanted it with me either. That guard wouldnāt want trouble with him.
He was my best friendāmy brother. My family. My love. No one on earth has ever meant as much to me as Crucifix. He was my first and would be my only, no matter what.
Forgive me, Father. I have committed my last sin.
No. You havenāt. Your last will be leaving Gio broken with no hope of repair.
I donāt regret my initial transgression. I donāt regret my love. I only regret allowing my lust to keep him in tormentāin limbo.
Forgive me, Crucifix.
The big ogre closed the door behind him and I was left in solitude again. I went from praying on the bench, to inspecting all of the wounds that were the last touches Crucifix would ever be able to give me. Forgive my lustful thoughts, Father.
I canāt help myself.
I no longer need to try.
The amends werenāt at Crucifixās hand. I wasnāt cleansed by him like usual. I was just beginning to pay for my offenses. The wages of sin is death.
Holy Mary, Mother of God, please hear my prayers and take care of Gio when Iām gone. Keep him safe. Soften his heart. Forgive him for trying to protect me at the expense of himself and his own soul. He is a good man whoās had more pain and struggle in his life than he ever deserved. He was thrown away by his parents, then the church, and now . . . by me. I beg you, Lord . . . Iām not asking for my own salvation. Please allow me to protect him this time. In my last hours, it is my only prayer. Amen.
10
Walk In the Shadows
Waitinā to talk with Bish made five hours a really long night between hanginā up with FOCUS and hearinā from him. The call was quick and cryptic.
Welcome home, brother. Letās meet in the Bronx for an early dinner so we can catch up. Little Italy, 1630 hours.
It was almost three-thirty and I thought givinā myself an hour was a better idea than dragginā ass. With traffic it was anyoneās guess how long itād take to get from Manhattan to the Bronx. Iād rather get somewhere early and have a couple beers than go showinā up late. The whole ride, all I could think about was Gingersnap, where she was, and all the bullshit the nun had said and my response.
I do love her fiercely.
Itāll be barbaric.
One night of teenage lust was cominā back to bite us in the ass. One night and all the years since. That one nightāone hard thrustāwas all it took. All the ways I could kill those cocksuckers were zippinā through my head. There were nights I was livinā on the streets when those thoughts were the only things gettinā me through ātil morninā. Vengeance can keep a cold heart warm and sometimes it was a damned inferno in mine. Back then, it was mostly the rage at my personal situation. Beinā seventeen on the streets was a volatile recipe for fury wrapped in wrath with a side of explosive. When all you have is time in your head and the struggle to get through every hour, things just expand with every tick of the clock. With Gingersnap beinā in danger, the stakes were much higher, and what I was capable of was impossible to gauge. Theyād pray for deathāthat much was a given. Theyād probably wish for Hell just to escape the shit Iād do on earth. It was fucked up, but it gave me a little comfort to know Iād finally have my time with them. Fi was never gonna be allowed to go back and I didnāt give a ratās ass how Iād accomplish that, other than I would.
Iām gonna save her. Period.
When I pulled up in front of the cafĆ© on Arthur Avenue, The Bishop was already seated and drinkinā an espresso. As usual, he was in a suit and lookinā
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