Dark Legacy by Jen Talty (best non fiction books to read .TXT) 📕

To be with Jackson.

This part of the psych ward was referred to as the holding tank. It consisted of one small nurses’ station and one large room partitioned off by six curtains creating six patient rooms. The curtain to room four was completely drawn.

Shannon took a deep breath and let it out slowly as she pulled the ugly green shade. She smiled at Gretchen.

“Hey,” Gretchen managed. “Fancy meeting you here.” More anger than humor laced her sarcasm, but her eyes showed a sadness in her soul. “Shocked it’s not my funeral?”

“Thought you might like this.” Shannon placed the Snickers bar on the side of the bed, ignoring the bait to engage Gretchen in a battle of you-really-don’t-care-so-why-are-you-bothering banter.

“That other doctor gave me a whole bunch.” Gretchen pointed to the rolling table. “A lot more than you brought.

“That was kind of him,” Shannon said.

“It sure was. God knows I need some sugar, and this place sucks ass. I bet if I had a real doctor and not some stupid therapist, I’d be out of this joint.”

Gretchen was good at the blame game. Normally, she’d toss it all at her mother. She had enough ammunition with her lack of parental support, along with a history of abuse that, to her, it was no surprise she’d turned out the way she had. To be able to turn her life around, Gretchen needed to understand how her internal monologue related to the triggers in her addiction. That meant self-awareness. Currently, she had very little.

Shannon pulled up a chair and sat down. “How are you feeling?”

“How do you think I feel?” Gretchen turned her head and grinned. “I’m just peachy.” She reached for the Snickers and ripped it open. “I want the fuck out of this place. Can you make that happen?”

Shannon shook her head.

“I bet Dr. Franklin could. He’s a real doctor. I’m in here because of you.”

“You took a lethal dose of pills and recreational drugs. On purpose. When you got here, you were barely breathing.” If Gretchen were to get better, she had to own up to her actions.

That said, given her agitation, the way her fingers twitched, and how her hands shook, she was still high, coming down from all the drugs and going into withdrawal.

“Spare me the lecture,” Gretchen said. “I got things mixed up and thought I was taking something else. Besides, if you’d had my day, you’d want to take a bunch of mind-numbing, completely legal drugs, too.”

“Not an entire bottle. And not all the drugs you took were legal.” Shannon picked up the chart and scanned the documents. “So, what happened to trigger such anger and the need to escape?”

“Like telling you the events of the day is going to change anything,” Gretchen said with a mouth full of nuts and chocolate. “But if you must know, I went to my mother’s.”

“Really?” Shannon didn’t like that she sounded so shocked, but the reality was that Gretchen’s mother didn’t care about her children and was toxic when it came to Gretchen. “When?”

Gretchen brushed back her unruly auburn hair, showing a nasty bruise on her face. “I showed up unannounced for lunch.”

“You have a restraining order out on your mother, you shouldn’t have done that. Did she put that bruise on your face?”

“Yeah.” Gretchen nodded. “I guess I puked all over her new white carpet, and she thought hitting me fit the crime.”

“So, you went to your mother’s wasted?”

Gretchen nodded again.

Shannon waited, but it was obvious the only way she would get any more out of her patient was to keep asking questions. “Was this the first time you used?”

Gretchen shook her head. “Been using since the day after the last time I saw you. I was so angry at what you said that I used.” Tears rolled down her cheeks.

“You can blame me all you want, but the choice to pick up a drug…that’s on you.”

“No, it’s not. It’s on you for telling me I can do better. And on my mother for sleeping with my new boyfriend.”

“New boyfriend?” That was brand-new information. “You didn’t tell me about the boyfriend. And we talked about how you need to stay away from your mother.”

“My mom thinks you have a mommy complex with me,” Gretchen said.

Shannon arched a brow. “I’m more concerned about how you feel about your mother sleeping with your new boyfriend.”

“I had no idea he even knew my mom until I saw her coming out of his apartment. She had sex-hair, and his shirt wasn’t tucked in. She grabbed his balls as she kissed him goodbye. I flipped.”

Shannon reached for the tissue box and left it on the bed. Gretchen’s mother had a record for prostitution, drugs, and she’d lost custody of her children when Gretchen was fourteen. Gretchen and her twin brother went to live with their father. Austin, her brother, died by suicide two years later. Gretchen was determined to follow in his footsteps. “So, you started using when you saw your mother and this boyfriend?” Shannon could understand how that would trigger the crazy thinking addicts used to justify picking up again after extended periods of sobriety.

Gretchen shook her head and then blew her nose. “I told you. I used when you said I could do better. When you judged my grades in school, my choice in friends, and wanting to have a relationship with my mother.”

“Yes. I said you could do better because I know you tend to self-sabotage. But I’ve never judged you. As far as your mother is concerned—”

“Right. Make boundaries. Protect myself. I think I need protection from you.” Gretchen paused to blow her nose again. “I hate her. She’s the reason I’m like this. She’s the reason I fell off the wagon. And I hate you because all you care about is keeping me sick. Making sure you get paid.”

Shannon placed her hand gently on Gretchen’s wrist.

Gretchen yanked her arm free.

“You will get through this. I believe in you.” Shannon swallowed her lie. She wanted