Nomance by T Price (read an ebook week txt) 📕

coughed and wheezed, ‘you mustn’t saythings like that. This place sucks.’

Carla broke out into ahearty laugh.

Louisa kept pettingGwynne. ‘But why don’t we talk to Carla’s financial advisor? Seewhat he thinks?’

Carla started. ‘No youwon’t!’ At that, Louisa stopped petting Gwynne and settledher steady, bovine gaze upon Carla, causing the blood to tingle inher cheeks. ‘What I mean is,’ she muttered in confusion, ‘it’d be aconflict of interest.’

Louisa began to smile –very, very slowly.

Gwynne said, ‘That’sright. Carla and this guy have got a thing going on. Deep shit Ican’t even talk about.’

Louisa’s brows archedand the smile became more knowing.

Carla’s toes curled inher slippers. ‘What he means is,’ she explained, biting the wordsout, ‘David’s a family friend.’ Carla glared at Gwynne, willing himto open his big fat mouth. ‘He only helps family. Ourfamily.’

‘But that’s not goingto be a problem for me, is it?’ Louisa simpered at Gwynne.

Gwynne’s two-inch browcorrugated for a moment. Then he erupted. ‘Yo, that’s right! Carl,we’re getting married!’

Carla hadn’t beendrinking her tea, but she almost choked to death anyway. ‘Come offit!’

‘Straight up, it’strue! Ain’t it, Lou?’

Louisa laughed, ‘Ofcourse it is, silly.’

Carla gaped at her.Then she managed to speak. Her tone was mechanical, like a robot’s– the old fashioned kind of robot that works off gears and valves.‘Congratulations.’

‘Thank you,’ Louisamewed with pleasure.

‘No, you’re welcome,’Carla added, floundering. Beyond expletives, was there reallyanything else to add?

Hell’s bells – therewas something!

‘But if you’re gettingmarried, Gwynne, you can’t both of you live with me in MiltonKeynes.’

‘That’s what I thought– thank fucking God!’

‘Never mind,’ Carlacommiserated, ‘you’ll find it so much easier to buy somethingaround here with a partner, won’t you?’

Gwynne’s soused grinvanished. He quivered with emotion. ‘But we’re not buying thisplace!’ He turned to Louisa, and more calmly reiterated hisreasoning. ‘Because, sweetie, we’d be cutting our own throats,see?’

Carla wasn’t so anxiousabout them cutting their own throats, but having realised thismarriage was the ideal way of getting shut of Gwynne, the lastthing she wanted was for them to argue and break up. Not yet.

‘That’s right, Louisa,’she assured her. ‘And you being a part of the family now, like yousay, I wouldn’t advise you wrong, would I? This place would be atotal liability for you.’

Louisa’s docile gazesoftened. ‘Of course, you would know that better than I would. Evenso, it’s such a pity.’

‘Yes, it is a pity,’Carla said, ‘but on the positive side, Louisa, as you are going tobe a member of the family now, I can speak to David and ask him tofind you the best deal on a mortgage, and arrange the legal stufffor you too. He’s so great like that, you know.’

‘Is he?’ Louisa asked,her knowing smile was back.

‘But you have to getmarried. I mean to Gwynne. Anyone else and the deal’s off.’

‘Oh, for sure,’ Louisahastened to agree.

Carla glared at Gwynne,who was frowning at his tea, troubled by this talk of David. Shebarked, ‘So you’re going to be nice and friendly with David, aren’tyou?’

Gwynne glared back.‘Why friendly?’

‘Gwynne!’ Louisa mooed.‘It’s a really fantastic idea. Free financial advice savesus money twice over.’

Instead of provokinghim to louder petulance and greater obstinacy, which was Carla’sexperience over the past twenty-five years of trying to reason withher brother, Gwynne’s reaction was all meek agreement. ‘Yeah, go onthen.’

Carla could haveslapped him.

‘It’s so good of you tohelp us like this, Carla,’ Louisa said.

‘Well, I’m justrelieved to be gaining a sister . . . it’s got to be better thangaining a brother.’ She wondered at this new and sentimental sideto her personality – such is the transforming power of love!

Louisa was filling up.‘Thank you.’

Gwynne, who had beenfilled to overflowing hours ago, now arrived at the maudlinstage.

‘Carl’s a great girl,’he spattered. ‘And I tell you this, babe,’ he clamped a huge, bony,comforting hand over Louisa’s shoulder, partly to support himself,‘if there’s some problem down the line with the old tubes andstuff, then don’t worry – Carl here will stand in. She’s done itbefore. Only for us it won’t cost no five thousand, will it, Carl?. . . Carl? . . . Carl!’

Carla was rising to herfeet. Gwynne fell silent with awe as she leaned forward and drewback her right arm. Way, way back, at the shoulder, so she couldgive Gwynne the almightiest clout across the chops. And mostobligingly, Gwynne’s chops went all slack as he gawped up ather.

Time became suspended.Tension drenched the air.

And then Carla broughther left hand forward and gave Louisa’s arm a gentle squeeze.

She spoke woman towoman. ‘Louisa, dear, he’s started to ramble and lose the plot.Best get him tucked up now, eh?’

Louisa’s bust hitchedup a notch with motherly responsibility. ‘I will, Carla.’

Carla nodded, turned,picked her rifle up and went to the kitchen door. She paused tolook back. ‘Nighty night.’

‘Nightly night,’ Louisabreathed.

Gwynne didn’t answer oreven seem to hear. He gripped the edge of the table and gawked atthe rifle, which Carla had angled to point straight at his sweatyforehead. And with that uplifting image in mind, Carla turned awayand pretty well skipped back up the stairs.

Fourteen: Nomance

Gwynne woke atdawn.

His pillow always gotharder than his head after an evening on the booze.

Louisa lay beside him,fast asleep. She liked to get a good nine hours a night. While helistened to her, working hard at filtering all the oxygen out ofthe room, he waited with great patience for the agony at the backof his skull to become unendurable as it rested on what felt like abag of stale cement.

When it did becomeunendurable he vented a melancholic sigh, got to his feet andstumped around for a bit, snatching his clothes up from the floor.He slipped out the door and crossed the landing into the bathroom,where he put the light on and looked at himself in the mirroreddoor of the wall cabinet.

He vented another sigh– more melancholic than the first.

‘Oh, fucking hell.’

Then he took a shower,dressed and left the bathroom to go downstairs. But he hesitated onthe landing when he noticed light shining from under Carla’sbedroom door.

What had brought him upshort was the sudden recollection that in a month’s time he mightwell be homeless. For some reason last night that had not seemed tomatter