Ivoria by Tanith Lee (uplifting novels .txt) 📕

He had never challenged her after on her own assault on him. But then again, he has no memory from the moment of putting down the phone to the return journey on the London train. Maybe he had picked up the phone once more and bawled obscenities at Serena. He cannot recall. Nor, of course, does he care.

He drinks some juice, then thinks of the other envelope.

It is addressed to Mr. N. Lewis etc: in small neat computer print, a standard font. It has no stamp but is franked in red, in-house mail from some business. It also carries a red advert, rather disconcertingly, for the very TV series Serena has been, and apparently still will be, filming one episode of in Corfu, 999-24/7.

Nick opens the printed letter more out of ennui than anything. He cannot yet be bothered to get up, even to turn on the TV.

The normal and successful afternoon with Sonia seems to have tired him. Perhaps he too is getting too old, suddenly. That would be a pity.

Inside the envelope is a pristine business-like sheet, dated but without an address. Also computer printed, it looks official, but is not.

‘Dear Nick,’ it reads.

‘Dear Nick,

‘I’m sorry to take so long to get back to you after our recent evening together. I did try to call the following evening, but I’m afraid it was rather late, and you were either asleep or away.

‘As our meeting was in the nature of business, really, I felt I should be professional in my reactions, and take time to let you know what my opinion was. I hope you will, for your part, find this helpful for future reference and projects.

‘I felt on the whole you handled the initial situations fairly well, but obviously you have already performed some work in this line. Considering that, I have to say I think possibly you could review your opening sequences. Nothing too heavy, really! But why not at least aim for perfection? Generally, as I say, it wasn’t bad. You were punctual, quite smart, and polite, if a little, shall I say, hesitant and uninventive - which did surprise me slightly, to repeat, in light of your prior experience of the job.

‘However, certain aspects, as with the handling of the refreshments, cab etc:- did seem just a bit slipshod. Again, nothing dreadful, but maybe just review these scenarios and think where you can give things a tweak.

‘But now let’s come to your main presentation.

‘I felt that, despite having some reasonable basic material, and quite a decent technique, your work here left a lot to be desired. Physically, of course, you are not among the best, though I will say your hygiene and general personal grooming were nearly faultless. One suggestion though, perhaps calm down the cologne. It might be an idea to try to match up the range you use, for example. You’d be startled, evidently, to learn how often shampoo and cologne, not to mention anti-perspirants - particularly for men - can clash with each other. But once more, these are small things and easily adjusted with a touch more care and forethought.

‘Your work, however, in the main arena - the most important one! - was very, very disappointing. I truly am sorry to have to say this, as I had myself expected - indeed had been led to believe - that it might even be spectacular. But no such luck. To tell you your performance was adequate is, frankly, to flatter. It was not. So you do need to go back to the blackboard on this one. (Run don’t walk). After all, it is all very well to provide a half way decent escort, but when it comes down to the nitty gritty, the service your clients require, and let us not forget pay for, must be of the most superior kind. You are not, as I’m sure you’re aware, an especially cut-price outfit. That being so, everything you offer should be beyond reproach - so far beyond it, in fact, that any customer should leave your hands not only entirely satisfied, but willing to experience more. I must say I do wonder how often this has been the case. Aside, of course, from clients who are so incredibly desperate almost anything will do.

‘I realise some of this may come as something of a shock to you. It is a fact about women, and I will now let you into the secret, that very often they do not tell the truth to men - any man - either about their feelings or their needs, let alone what they truly dislike or find lacking. In being honest, I am sincerely trying to help you, Nick, as you seemed quite a nice person, if rather naive and limited in your outlook, and, I’m afraid, ability.

‘And I do - I am a great optimist! - feel that with a lot more painstaking attention and concentrated work, you should, hopefully, be able eventually to perform to a much higher standard.

‘To that end, I’ll now offer a few pointers and suggestions which I hope you will accept, as with the rest of this letter, in the spirit I tender them.

‘Firstly, join a gym and start some work-outs. They will be very good for you, both mentally and physically, but there is the more important point that, while your body isn’t in too bad shape for now, in a year or so others, if not you, will begin to notice a deterioration. Secondly, enlist the assistance of really good professionals in the areas of clothing, hair-styling and, as mentioned earlier, scent. Your main research however must be, I’m afraid, in the field you have chosen. You really must learn more about what you are doing, polish and refine those few natural gifts that are already yours, and bring the whole package together in a professionally acceptable manner. At the moment, alas, if I had to award you marks out of ten, you would only receive a rather weak 2,