Not Pretending Anymore by Ward, Penelope (big ebook reader .TXT) 📕

therapist said about my need for perfection. She agreed that the fact that those behaviors started after my dad left could mean there’s a correlation. She wants me to practice letting go gradually of some of those habits as a way of accepting that there’s no real control in life. She says that will also help my acceptance of his illness.”

“Like, what is she asking you to do?”

“That’s the thing—she didn’t suggest anything specific. I have to identify where I’m being controlling or seeking perfection and create my own exercises.” She tilted her head. “You got any ideas?”

“I’m sure I could come up with something.” I went with my first instinct, getting up off the bed and opening her top drawer.

“What are you doing?”

“Helping you.”

Without looking at the contents, I grabbed the clothes inside and tossed them into the air. Unfortunately, something that wasn’t clothing landed on the ground with the rest of the stuff—a fucking vibrator.

I lifted it off the ground. “Oh shit. I’m sorry. I never—”

She held out her hand. “Give me that, please.”

“I obviously didn’t—”

“I know you didn’t know. Just give it to me.”

Brushing off my hands, I announced, “I think that was enough of an exercise for this week.”

“Yeah. I’d have to agree.” She turned pink. “This one is good for a month!”

I wondered if I’d be able to think about anything else tonight besides Molly massaging her clit with that rubber dick.

CHAPTER 11

Molly

Will stood up from his seat as I entered Mykonos restaurant. “You look amazing, Molly.”

“Thank you,” I said, leaning in and accepting a kiss on the cheek.

Will looked great in a blue, collared shirt and khaki pants. It was always nice to see him out of his scrubs.

Sitting down, I took the napkin in front of me and placed it on my lap. “I’ve always wanted to try this place.”

He took a whiff of the air. “You can smell that the food is going to be amazing, can’t you?”

“Yeah, my stomach is growling.”

“You know…” he said. “I’m actually a quarter Greek.”

“No way!” I smiled.

The crowded restaurant was bustling. A band got ready to play in the corner, and the smell of garlic, mint, and other spices saturated the air. It was a delight for the senses. But mostly my eyes and ears were focused on the handsome doctor across from me.

Will ordered the moussaka, and I got a Greek salad with grilled chicken. We made easy conversation over the next hour. He shared some of his craziest labor stories, and we compared notes on our experiences working with certain colleagues. There was definitely no shortage of things to talk about, and I started to think there could definitely be a future for Will and me if every night were like tonight.

From time to time, my mind would drift to Declan, though. Knowing he was out with Julia for the first time since her breakup was definitely on my mind. I wondered if they were truly compatible, or if it was mainly about “the get” for him. I supposed only time would tell.

At one point, Will changed the subject, and it transformed the mood of the entire night.

“So, confession...” he said, wiping his mouth with the blue cloth napkin.

Fidgeting in my seat, I said, “Okay...”

“I’ve had a massive crush on you for some time.”

Feeling my cheeks heat, I said, “Wow. Well, thank you. I’ve definitely admired you as well.”

“As you probably know, I just got out of a relationship,” he added.

“Yup. I’m aware.”

“Part of the reason that relationship ended is because she wanted something I couldn’t give her right now.”

I swallowed. “What was that?”

“Well, she wanted a bigger commitment sooner rather than later, ultimately marriage and kids.”

“Oh.” A knot began to form in my stomach. “You...don’t want those things?”

“Not any time in the near future. But besides that, she just wasn’t right for me.”

Even though the restaurant was noisy, somehow everything seemed drowned out in that moment.

“I see...”

He continued, “One of the things that attracted me to you was your carefree philosophy on dating. You know, you don’t seem to want anything too serious right away. I need time to breathe after that relationship. So it felt safe to ask you out.”

Safe? I nodded, needing a moment to let this sink in.

What attracted him to me was the fact that I was dating someone else? That was the reason he asked me out?

Not my personality.

Not our common interests.

But the fact that I would let him date other people?

Trying to keep my cool, I finally said, “Ah, I see.”

“I hope you don’t mind me being honest. I realize it’s only our first date, but I believe in full disclosure.”

Forcing a smile, I said, “Yeah...well... I do appreciate your honesty.”

“Thank you. And I appreciate you being honest with me. That was what finally made me take the plunge and do something I’d wanted to do for a long time.”

The food turned in my stomach. It felt like this was over before it even began. To say I was disappointed wouldn’t even cover half of what I felt.

Then again, this was my fault, right? I had given him the impression that I didn’t want anything serious.

After we left the restaurant, I was just about to head over to my Uber when Will wrapped his hands around my cheeks and pulled me in for a kiss. As he slipped his tongue inside my mouth, I could only think how different it felt than I’d imagined. It felt good, but nothing like it might have if he hadn’t squelched my hopes tonight. It made me realize more than ever that I truly did want to find a partner—my person. The question was, would I casually date Will in the hopes that his attitude might change as we got to know each other? I felt like I needed Declan’s take on this.

When I got back to the apartment, though, my roommate wasn’t there. That was no surprise. I knew he had plans with Julia. I just wished