Not Pretending Anymore by Ward, Penelope (big ebook reader .TXT) 📕

my back is a compass. Don’t ask why a compass, because I have no goddamn clue. I was eighteen when I got it and just liked it. The one on my ribs is a cross with the words Dimittas tua consilia—it’s Latin. It translates to Let go of your plans. I got it the night my sister became a nun. They had a nice ceremony the afternoon she took her vows. Before that, I couldn’t understand how someone could wake up one morning and just decide to become a nun. But the priest who officiated the ceremony talked a lot about how one of the biggest obstacles we have in life is overcoming our perceived plans for our future. He said if we can let go of our plans, we can do anything.” I shook my head. “It helped me figure out that not everyone’s plans in life need to be the same. I was so proud of Catherine that day. I wanted to honor her in some way.”

“That’s beautiful.”

“Thanks. But let’s get to the good shit.” I lifted my chin. “Where’s your tattoo?”

She laughed. “It’s on my hip. It’s three small blackbirds. I got it after my grandmother died. We were really close, and she was a huge Beatles fan. ‘Blackbird’ was her favorite song. They played it at her wake. I knew all the words, but I never understood them until that afternoon. I got it a few days later.”

“That’s really cool.”

The sauce in the pot started to bubble, so I lowered the flame and stirred.

“Can I see yours?” Molly asked.

I set the spoon down on top of a paper towel next to the stove, making a mental note for the tenth time that I needed to pick her up one of those spoon-rest things, and turned around. “You can… But you know what that means? If I show you mine, you’ll have to show me yours.”

Molly bit her bottom lip and debated that for a moment. The thought of her unzipping her pants and showing me her hip bone had my pulse speeding up. It was probably best we didn’t start undressing.

Though, just as I accepted that wisdom, Molly said, “You go first.”

Shit. Alright. Whatever you say…

I unbuttoned my dress shirt and shrugged it off. Underneath, I had on a T-shirt, so I reached behind me and tugged it over my head. The tattoo on my rib cage wasn’t visible when my arm was down, so I lifted it and twisted my body so she could get a closer look.

Unexpectedly, Molly reached out and ran her finger along my skin. She traced the cross with her nail, and my skin broke out in goose bumps.

God, that felt good. I found myself wishing she would dig in a little deeper, maybe leave some marks.

“It’s really beautiful, Declan.”

“Uh…thanks.”

Our eyes met, and if I didn’t know she was drunk, I would’ve thought she was turned on. Her lids were hooded, and the light blue of her eyes had darkened to almost all black pupils. When my eyes fell to her lips, I knew it was time to turn around. Showing her my left shoulder, I bent at the knees so she could get a look at the compass. I wasn’t sure if I was glad or disappointed that she didn’t trace that one. Her nails scraping my back might’ve been more than I could take.

When I turned around, Molly’s eyes roamed over my chest. She spent a solid minute checking me out in complete silence. Then she reached for her jeans and started to undo her pants. For a half second, I’d forgotten she had to reciprocate and show me her tattoo. My sex-deprived brain got carried away and thought she was undressing for me.

I swallowed hard when she pulled back the denim and showed me her creamy skin. Maybe it was the alcohol loosening my inhibitions, or maybe I just wasn’t strong enough to stop myself, but I reached out and did exactly what she’d done to me. I gently traced with my finger, outlining the three tiny birds. Her skin was so soft and warm, and I had the craziest urge to bury my hand down her pants and feel the rest of her soft and warm.

Not good.

I watched her face as I traced the skin. Molly’s eyes closed, and her jaw went slack.

Fuck.

She was gorgeous.

Absolutely fucking gorgeous.

And I wanted to kiss her more than anything.

Just one little kiss…a little taste of her tongue.

I knew it was dumb.

I knew we were both drunk.

I knew there was a distinct possibility that once I pressed my lips to hers, I’d never be able to stop.

Not to mention…

I had no shirt on.

Her pants were wide open…

My chest heaved up and down as I tried to talk myself out of doing anything other than putting my shirt back on and stuffing both our mouths full of food.

But when Molly’s eyes fluttered open and dropped to stare at my lips, I knew I was about five seconds away from losing my battle. Her pink tongue peeked out and ran along her full bottom lip, wetting it.

Fuck.

I wanted her so goddamned badly.

Molly’s eyes lifted to meet mine. Her voice was breathy. “Declan…”

I took a step closer and put my hand on her hip. “Molly….”

Her eyes lifted, but something caught her attention over my shoulder, and her eyes grew wide. “Oh my God, Declan—turn around! The paper towel caught on fire!”

CHAPTER 13

Molly

Blinking my eyes open the next morning, I was surprised to remember last night pretty clearly, given how drunk I’d gotten.

My head pounded, and my stomach churned.

I remembered that we’d almost burned the building down. But Declan had acted fast and put the flames out.

I also remembered Will asking me to go out with him again.

Oh my God. I have a date with Will tonight.

What stuck out the most about last night was being more turned on than I’d been in a while when I touched Declan’s skin, tracing his ink.