The Nurse by J. Corrigan (list of ebook readers txt) 📕

index fingers into her temples, squeezes her eyes shut, then quickly opens them. ‘Your writing class is popular. The good-looking novelist.’ She does the thing with her fingers and temples again, but this time those liquid eyes stay open.

Theo’s stomach clenches, and a long-ago feeling floods through his body; of attraction and anticipation. Warmth consumes the skin on his face, and he dips his head as he pulls out the chair so she can’t see the result, although he catches her amused smile.

‘Yep. I thought I’d dislike doing them, but I don’t.’ He studies her. ‘You’re okay with me being here, aren’t you? Just say if you change your mind about this.’

Please don’t change your mind.

‘It’s all good.’

He continues in a quieter tone. ‘Rose, I hope you don’t mind me being direct, but it does feel as if there’s something missing from your story.’

Her defined jawline tightens – only a little, but he sees it – and his objectivity kicks in. Perhaps this is a hint of the rage Rose experienced that day on the unit. The day of Abe’s death. What caused that fury? Was it born out of the crushing realization that Abe was Daniel Deane’s son?

She’s watching him, and as quickly as her displeasure erupted, it dissipates. Like a transient madness.

‘What was your motivation, Rose? Tell me.’

She doesn’t answer, and Theo rummages in his pocket to find chewing gum. Takes a packet out and offers it to her. She unpeels a stick and places the wrapper on the table.

‘It’ll all become clear,’ she says finally. She slides the packet back across the table towards him. ‘Shall I begin where I left off last time?’

‘That’d be great.’ He opens his notebook and fishes inside his pocket for a pencil. The same officer is on duty as on his last visit. The man watches him. Theo holds out the pencil and the officer nods; he missed the chewing gum.

‘I want to hear about you too one day,’ Rose says.

‘All in good time. Your story first.’

‘Underneath your bravado, you’re sad, aren’t you?’ she says, doing something origami-like with the chewing gum’s wrapping.

‘I was born a bit sad, I think.’

‘I wasn’t, despite the uphill struggle with my mum. Tom said that deep down I was the happiest person he’d ever met. Why didn’t I stay with him? We’d be married and probably have zillions of children.’ She yanks at her thumbnail. ‘He’s been to visit, with Casey. He married her as soon as he finished his finals.’ She looks at Theo. ‘I didn’t go to their wedding. I always regret that.’

Theo doesn’t reply. Waits for more. ‘Casey had their first baby when Tom was still a junior doctor. Went on to have three more.’ She smiles. Such a sad smile. ‘Tom’s an orthopaedic consultant now. Top of his game.’ She pauses a moment. ‘It’s nice they came. Tom didn’t know what to say, but Casey did. I’m glad he married her.’

Rose told him in one of her first letters that she was unable to have children. He didn’t delve deeper, but the gaping fact of her childlessness is raw. The pain evident within her features as she talks about her old friends’ kids is heart-breaking.

‘I don’t believe you are capable of murder, Rose.’

‘Oh Theo. You’re a lost cause.’

He leans over the table and from the corner of his eye sees the custody officer shaking his head. He sits back. ‘Will you carry on with your story? I want to know all of it.’

‘I will, but first tell me one thing about you. One sad thing. There are many sad things for me to tell.’

‘I’m a bit of a liar and a fake, to be honest,’ he says.

‘We all are. That’s the truth.’

She waits for him to expand, picking at the edges of her nails, rocking side to side in her seat. Rose is never still, never immobile. Prison must be killing her.

‘I’ve come here under false pretences,’ he says eventually.

‘And what are they? Go on, shock me.’ She laughs. Deep, penetrating. Disturbing. ‘Except, Theo, nothing can shock me any more. Absolutely nothing.’

‘You agreed to talk with me,’ he replies, ‘because I wanted to write a non-fiction book about you and about Abe.’

She nods; her laughter has slipped away.

He carries on, ‘This book I plan to write about you is pure exploitation.’

‘It’s not exploitation of me if I know about it, is it?’

‘I suppose.’

‘I can’t wait to read it.’ She leans forward, cupping her face in her hands, elbows wedged onto the table. ‘Tell me something else.’

‘I had a wife, and I let her down very badly. But I let down my son more than anyone.’

Rose’s eyes soften even more, if that were possible.

His hand moves to touch hers, but he stops himself. ‘I’d like to tell you.’

‘And I want to know.’

Theo talks as he’s never talked before about Elliot. About his own work, his obsession, that caused, he’s always felt, the death of his son and ultimately the collapse of his marriage.

He has not said the next words to anyone for a long time. ‘My fifteen-year-old son committed suicide.’

‘I don’t know what to say… I’m so sorry.’

‘You don’t have to say anything. Elliot was being bullied at school. Sophie was out all hours working to keep the family afloat, as my job didn’t bring in enough money to pay the bills. Neither of us saw the warning signs, though I should have done, seeing as I was at home all day.’ He pauses. ‘My body was, anyway; not sure where my brain was.’

‘It’s easy to judge yourself retrospectively.’ She squeezes those beautiful eyes closed, then opens them. ‘This underpins everything about you, Theo. It defines you.’ She’s staring at him. ‘It’s what led you to me.’

She pulls up her knees, lodges her heels on the edge of the chair and continues with her story, picking up the thread in Daniel Deane’s hallway, just before Ed went off in Daniel’s MG to see his mother.

If she had never seen Daniel Deane again,