Brendan (The Doherty Mafia Book 4) by Kasey Krane (psychology books to read txt) 📕

Four years ago, when I was nothing better than a naive nerd, I thought I had fallen in love with a handsome mysterious stranger. But I was foolish. I hadn’t really lived my life. That wasn’t love. It was lust.

And what I felt now when I looked at Brendan was…lust too, right?

I wanted him, but only in my bed.

Not in my life.

My thoughts swayed. I couldn’t make sense of anything. I just wished I hadn’t invited Brendan back to my apartment the previous night. Then none of this would have happened. I wouldn’t have ended up putting Davey at the center of everything.

We walked up to the kindergarten and Davey didn’t want to go in. He was having so much fun with Brendan.

I gave my son a hug and kissed his forehead.

“I’ll see you later, honey. You have fun today, okay?” I said.

Davey smiled at me but then he looked longingly at his new friend.

“Will you be there after school?” he asked shyly.

My heart stopped. I felt panicked, like I was going to burst out crying. I knew it had been a mistake. It was all my fault.

Brendan ruffled Davey’s hair.

“We’ll see each other soon, buddy,” he replied.

Just as I expected—he wasn’t going to commit to anything.

Eighteen

Brendan

I wasn’t expecting to have as much fun as I did with that kid.

I hadn’t spent this much time around a child in…ever. I didn’t know what to expect. I definitely didn’t expect Davey to be as funny and fun as he turned out to be.

“How old is he?” I asked Rosalie. We stood at the gates of the kindergarten, watching him go in with his friends.

“He’s just three,” she replied, staring at her son like she was lost in thought.

I knew I needed to apologize.

Maybe I shouldn’t have walked out of her bedroom like that. I put her on the spot. But I didn’t like being told what to do.

“I’m sorry for not following your lead earlier,” I said. It wasn’t easy for me to apologize and she probably knew that.

“You should be. I didn’t want you making any parenting decisions for me, but you forced my hand. And now Davey likes you.”

Was that such a bad thing?

She turned and started walking away, so I followed her. I didn’t know where she was headed but I wanted a few more minutes with her.

I didn’t know why it was so difficult for me to just let go of her.

“Yeah, I get it. You kicked me out so I didn’t want to stick around. I didn’t know how long it was going to take with your family,” I said. It wasn’t a complete lie. Her attitude in the morning had pissed me off.

Rosalie kept walking, like she hoped I would stop following her at some point.

“You didn’t even try to be discreet while leaving my apartment. You made it a point to come and introduce yourself to my family. So, no, I don’t buy that.”

I grabbed her arm and forcibly spun her around. We were on a busy sidewalk and people pushed into us. Rosalie glared at me.

“Okay, yeah, I wanted to meet them. I don’t like being treated as someone who needs to be hidden from view.”

“It’s complicated for me, okay? I’m protecting my son.”

“What the fuck are you protecting him from? You think he needs protecting from me? What do you think I’m going to do to him?” I could feel my veins pumping adrenaline.

This conversation wasn’t helping me. I didn’t trust myself with kids. I didn’t trust myself to keep them safe from harm, to look after them the way they needed to be looked after. So if Rosalie didn’t trust me around her son…

She stared at me, probably watching the way my face changed. I thought she would slap me or run away. But all of a sudden, she seemed to calm down. Her shoulders relaxed, she forced the lump down her throat, taking in a deep breath.

“I never knew my father. He left us when I was a kid, so I guess…I guess I have abandonment issues,” she said.

Davey said he wanted to see me. I didn’t know what Rosalie wanted me to say when Davey asked if I’d be there after school. I didn’t want to disappoint him, and I didn’t want to piss off his mother. I’d never been in this position before—I never let myself be.

Rosalie and I had to walk some distance to get away from the bustling New York sidewalks now. I was glad that she at least decided she still wanted to speak to me.

But Rosalie wouldn’t look me in the eye. It was like she was embarrassed of her past. If only she knew about mine, but I wasn’t ready to tell her.

I wasn’t ready to tell anyone. It deserved to be buried. That’s what I did, using sex and alcohol.

“My mom raised me herself. As a single parent. It was a struggle. I remember feeling abandoned when I was growing up. I remember feeling unwanted and unsafe because I didn’t have a father. I yearned for his presence. I felt like I was missing a part of myself.” She stared out at the busy honking streets as we stood at a shop front.

Her nose was red, probably from the cold. I took off my jacket and put it around her shoulders. She looked at me then, surprised by my gesture.

How much of a dick did she think I was?

“He didn’t deserve you as a kid if that’s what he did to his family,” I said.

Rosalie looked at me, her lips pressed together tightly.

“I don’t know what his reasons for leaving were, I guess he just didn’t want to be a dad.”

“Did your Mom remarry?” I asked.

She shook her head. “But she was in and out of relationships. I mean, I can’t blame her now. I know firsthand how hard it is to raise a child all by yourself. But I resented her back then,