Beautifully Torn by Charity Parkerson (books for men to read .txt) 📕

“Baby, you’re not weak. This isn’t something you can control. You were born like this and it’s not who you are. This disorder is just part of you, and I love every single thing about you, even that. I wouldn’t change a damn thing about you.”

“I missed you so much.” Hudson whispered the words as if they tore from his throat. “It was harder this time than it’s ever been. All I wanted was to come home.”

Jinx’s chest hurt. He hated that Hudson struggled. “You should’ve told me. I would’ve come to you. Spencer has been out of town, so I haven’t had to work. I could’ve toured with you.”

A sad smile touched Hudson’s lips. He shook his head. “You would’ve been miserable being stuck in hotels alone, and Rocky would’ve been brokenhearted. I can handle a lot, but I can’t handle knowing you two are unhappy.”

“I love you.”

Hudson’s gaze moved over Jinx’s face, as if searching to see if Jinx told the truth. “I love you too. Do you really want to marry me, or did you only agree to calm me down?”

Jinx’s heart ached for too many reasons to count. They had lost Rocky, and it didn’t look like he planned to come back. Rocky was right about one thing, though. Hudson needed him. Rocky obviously didn’t. Jinx had to find a way to live with that. “I want to marry you.”

Hudson rolled away and climbed from the bed. Jinx watched as Hudson padded across the room in the nude. It was a nice show. Jinx pressed his hand to his stomach. He still felt the same now as he had a couple of years ago when Hudson had kissed him for the first time. Hudson was this extremely famous guy with millions of fans all over the world. He could have anyone. For whatever reason, he wanted Jinx, and it had been humbling. Now Jinx knew the real Hudson, and he couldn’t imagine living without him.

After a moment of shifting through his still packed bags, Hudson came out with a tattered-looking notebook. He crawled back into bed with Jinx. He kept moving until he straddled Jinx’s body. Jinx’s hands smoothed up Hudson’s thighs—as if they were drawn to Hudson’s skin like a magnet. Everything else fell away. It was only the two of them now.

With Jinx massaging Hudson’s thighs, Hudson flipped through the thick book. It had loose pages trying to fall out. They were various colors and sizes, proving Hudson had been putting the pages together for a long time. He spoke as he searched through each one. “Earlier, you said I didn’t want to be in an exclusive relationship with you until after I met Rocky. That’s not true. I used to hire Spencer to DJ my release parties just so I could see you. I was like four parties in and two hundred thousand dollars spent before I worked up the nerve to make a move.”

Jinx snorted at the confession. “You’re you and I’m me. I doubt you’ve ever had to work up the nerve to hit on anyone, much less someone like me.”

Hudson stopped his hunt long enough to meet Jinx’s stare with an incredulous look. “I am a complete mess and we both know it. Stop acting like I’m some prize. We both know I’m not.”

Jinx’s throat swelled. “You are to me.”

A small smile touched Hudson’s lips. He went back to his search. “Everything in this notebook is dated, because I’m crazy and I figure I’ll die young. Maybe you can make some money off publishing my thoughts when I’m gone.”

“Don’t.”

Hudson froze again at Jinx’s harshly spoken whisper. His gaze didn’t waver from the pages this time, as if he couldn’t make himself meet Jinx’s stare. “My head still isn’t right, baby, but I’m trying. I’m sorry you fell in love with me.” He went back to shuffling through the pages. He found what he was looking for before Jinx found the words to make Hudson understand he shouldn’t be sorry. Jinx didn’t regret a thing.

“Here we go.” He flashed the notebook Jinx’s way so he could see the date. “I wrote this before I met Rocky. Just listen, okay?”

Jinx nodded. “Okay.”

Hudson took an audible breath, and read. “Tonight was the third time I saw him. I wanted to ask if Jinx was his real name, and—if so—if he knew the story behind his name. Instead, we talked about ice cream.” Jinx smiled at the memory. They had somehow managed to talk about ice cream for hours. “I don’t know why I haven’t done anything to gauge his interest. Maybe I’m a little scared he likes me too, and I’ll taint someone so beautiful. He already has a sadness in his eyes. I’ll only make it worse. But it’s funny the way I can’t stop thinking about him. He gave me his number so we can try out a new ice cream shop in town when I get back from my next tour. I could tell he doesn’t think I’ll call. He’s right. I won’t, but I still programmed his number in my phone under the contact name Someday. Someday I’ll be better, and someday he’ll be the first person I call. I don’t know why I’m so certain, but I know he’s the one. Someday, he’ll see it too.”

Tears leaked from the corners of Jinx’s eyes and rolled back into his hair. He didn’t bother wiping them away. Hudson loved him. Jinx wouldn’t let him regret it. “My mom named me Jinx because I was born on a Friday the thirteenth at exactly one o’clock or thirteen hundred hours' military time. I was thirteen days early, and she had unexpectedly gone into labor with me after a black cat crossed her path on the way to her doctor’s appointment. She was very superstitious, and I was born the ultimate jinx. Oddly, my life has been extremely unlucky. That is, until I met you. You’re that one good thing I don’t know