Love Croakies by Sam Cheever (the kiss of deception read online .txt) 📕

“Do I have to?” The fact that I sounded like a pouty seven-year-old trying to get out of eating her spinach did not escape me.

“We need to find Lovelace,” Sebille said. “I think we should talk to this sister of his. Maybe she knows where the missing brother is. We’d probably have more luck talking to her than those big, naked guys.”

Grym and Archie’s eyes went wide. “Naked?” Archie asked.

Sebille’s gaze slid away from his. I fidgeted for a moment before I glanced up at the big clock on the wall. “Will you look at the time. I need to…um…go…see somebody about something.”

Grym grabbed my arm before I could escape. “You get a temporary pass on that story, but I’ll expect a full accounting when this is over.”

I flushed. “Yeah, we’ll see.”

Archie had a thoughtful look on his face. “What are you thinking about?” Sebille asked him.

The void sorcerer blinked. “Huh? Oh.” He shook his head. “Something’s niggling. I’ll remember it, given enough time.” He turned to me. “What type of artifact did the ogres give you?”

“It looks like a bottle opener. They insist it can pierce any ward.”

One of Archie’s shaggy brown brows lifted. “Have you tested it?” he asked.

“I haven’t had time.” I frowned. “I just don’t know what good it will do us. It won’t find the serum or the person who took it.”

“I’m not so sure about that,” Archie said. “As luck would have it, I’m familiar with that device. It’s called a Toll Token, one of a family of single-use artifacts that can be rented for a limited time. After the token is used for the pre-specified task, it automatically returns to the person who rented it out so it can be loaned again.”

My eyes went wide. “Really? I’ve never heard of such a thing.”

Grym looked, well grim. “They’re not exactly legal. I’d like to see the device,” he told me.

Archie held up a hand. “You didn’t pay the ogres anything for it, did you?”

Sebille and I shared a look.

“What?” Grym asked.

“We didn’t pay them,” Sebille said. “But we did sign a contract.”

Archie paled. “What kind of contract?”

Sebille looked at me. I grimaced. “Something about guaranteeing the item’s safety and…a bunch of other junk. It’ll be fine.” The airy quality I tried to insert into my voice sounded more panicked than lighthearted.

“I can’t believe you signed a contract with the ogres you didn’t read.”

“Of course we didn’t read it all,” Sebille exclaimed. “The tricky parts ended on his backside.”

Grym and Archie stared at her.

Finally, Grym said, “Please explain.”

Sebille rolled her eyes, which was less than helpful, so I jumped in.

“The contract was written on the big naked guy’s hairy back. Unfortunately, it was really wordy, so it kind of trailed down into other areas. I wasn’t looking at that any more than I had to. They were lucky I put my signature at the bottom.” My body convulsed in a violent shiver. “It was beyond disgusting.”

“How did you affix your signature?” Archie asked.

The sprite and I gave him a look.

He waved it away. “Ink? Energy transfer? What? It’s important.”

“Energy transfer,” Sebille said. “He gave us a choice, but that one didn’t require any touching.”

“Dastardly buggers,” Archie exclaimed. He scrubbed a hand over his face and glanced at Grym. “It’ll take the two of us to handle this, I’m afraid. You as the law of Enchanted and me as a representative of the Société.”

Uncle Pudsy was a Void Sorcerer with the Société of Dire Magic, the ruling magical body for the Earthly dimension.

“So Sebille and I don’t need to go?”

Archie glowered at us. “No. You’ve done quite enough damage.”

My assistant and I bumped knuckles.

“Don’t be so happy,” Grym said, narrowing his dark-caramel gaze on us. “You’ll have to decipher the log on the artifact. And believe me, as bad as our task is, yours is going to be ten times worse.”

Despite his words, I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face at getting out of another visit to the ogres. I nodded. “Just tell me how to do it.”

Archie sighed. “You must find a spot that is completely free of conflicting magical energy. There must be no interference of any kind, or the log won’t open.”

“Okay. Where would that be?”

Sebille shrugged. “No idea. As far as I know, magic exists everywhere.”

“Not quite true,” Archie said, standing up and brushing his hands over his robes. “There is one place that provides the neutrality you require.”

“Where?” I asked.

In answer to my question, Uncle Pudsy smiled.

It wasn’t a nice smile.

13

To Grandmother’s House We Go

I’d never seen so many glowy numbers, words, and icons. My eyes were slowly going crossed as I tried to make sense of them.

The infernal crunching sound behind me wasn’t helping.

“Will you please stop eating those cheesy crunchies and help me here?” I barked at the sprite.

“I’m not done yet.”

I made a grab for the bag, but she ducked out of the way, spilling cheesy crunchies onto the black, rubbery floor of our cozy little void. I shrugged. I was pretty sure the five-second rule didn’t apply in a magical void. I grabbed the fallen soldiers and crammed them into my mouth.

Sebille leaned over my shoulder, her cheese breath wafting over me. “Maybe the columns are horizontal instead of vertical.”

I peered at the wall-sized mess of indecipherable symbols and stuff and slowly tilted my head.

Nothing.

I squinted. The symbols wavered and then settled right back into their unintelligible order again.

Sighing, I flung myself backward, startling Sebille into jerking away from me. “Watchit!” she yelled as two cheesy crunchies fell from her bag and onto the blackness beneath us. I plucked them up and shoved them into my mouth. “We’re never going to figure this out,” I mumbled around the savory treat.

Sebille dropped down next to me with a sigh. “That hairy naked guy’s starting to look better and better.”

I thought about it for a beat and then shook my head. “Nah. I’d still rather be in here trying to decipher