Dungeon Core Academy: Books 1-7 (A LitRPG Series) by Alex Oakchest (book suggestions txt) 📕

“That’s a sign that you need a bath,” I said. “When kobolds cannot handle your stink.”

“By the axe, Beno, give a man a break! I’ve been wandering the bloody wasteland for weeks now, sweating in places I didn’t even know a man could sweat. There aren’t exactly any fancy boudoirs or bathhouses out here.”

“You can use my pool, barbarian,” said Razensen.

“Bath your poxing self,” added Kainhelm, my narkleer who was standing beside his best pal Razensen. Kainhelm was covered from skeletal head to skeletal toe in a red paste designed to limit the harm of the deathly energy rays he emitted.

“Bloody hell. Never imagined a dungeon would be full of such fussy sods,” said Eric.

In a blink he stripped from his girdle and furs, and walked naked over to Razensen’s pool and jumped in.

“By the axe, this is colder than a wizard’s balls!”

“Cold wakes the mind,” growled Razensen. “But it would take all the icebergs in Xynnar to awaken yours.”

Eric swam half a lap, then headed back to the side of the pool and clung on to it, his head above water, his fantastic, really fantastic, hair sodden against his scalp.

“So, you found the little wolf, eh?” he said. “Good. I need a meal, some mead, and then I’m ready to set out again.”

“We need to make a plan. Poe and his team spotted where the witch and her men are camped. It’s quite a journey across the wasteland, but we have the advantage of time and surprise, and by all accounts they are new to this terrain. We, on the other hand, know it well. Planned just right, we can hit them before they even put on their britches, and we’ll have Shadow back without a single drop of blood spilled. Well, of our blood, anyway. Spill as much as you like of theirs.”

“Is the kobold worth it?” asked Razensen.

“Excuse me?”

“Unless you truly think it is possible to kill these people without a single loss, then you must weigh the value of Shadow against those who may die. Is her life worth more than others?”

I thought about Shadow, and how I’d sent her to Hogsfeate to kill the mayor. If I hadn’t sent her on a mission away from the dungeon she’d never have been taken.

I thought about the demented kobolds and bone guys we’d had to put out of their misery. If I hadn’t divided my time between the dungeon, Yondersun, and Hogsfeate, they would still be here.

I couldn’t correct those mistakes, but I could still do the best for my dungeon. I could try and make up for things.

“This isn’t just about Shadow,” I said. “It’s about the witch. A power like hers could be tremendous for my dungeon. If I use my alchemy chamber to dissolve her corpse, I can give her gifts to my dungeon mates, making us all stronger. We can do this. We can get Shadow back, and boost the dungeon beyond recognition.”

Footsteps rapidly approached, and soon, Tomlin was standing in the chamber, panting.

“Horrible raven returned from another flight,” he said, gasping for breath. “Witch and men are less than a day from dungeon.”

“What? They were all the way across the wasteland!”

“Horrible bird has seen them, Dark Lord!”

“This doesn’t make any sense at all. It was only today that the ravens…oh, demons’ arses.”

“What is it, Stone?” asked Razensen.

“The witch beguiled our creature’s minds earlier, yes? Made them demented? I believe she must have done the same to the ravens. Filled their little bird minds with lies, hiding the fact that the girl and her gang are already on their way here. Evidently, this beguilement had its limits, if it has worn off.”

“Perhaps her powers have a range, then. The birds were in the air!”

“Quite right, Eric. The birds were in the air. Or, she could be like most of us who rely on mystic abilities; she has to let them recuperate. Whatever it is, I don’t give an imp’s balls. She’s on her way, and we need to prepare.”

“Shiny things! Shiny things!”

  “Shut up about that,” I told Poe. “We need more information. Now, how many people did you see?”

The raven turned its back on me and stubbornly muttered “Shiny things.”

“Damn you. Eric?”

The barbarian laughed. “I much prefer your birds to the ones you find out there in the wild. At least they make you laugh as well as crapping all over you.” He took a coin from his purse at the pool edge and flicked it over to the bird.

“Shiny things!”

“Yes, you have your shiny thing. Now, how many people are heading here?” I said.

“Thirty! Thirty!”

“That’s a poxing army!” said Kainhelm. “A blight on their ancestors!”

“If we had a timemage with us, perhaps blighting their ancestors would help,” I said. “But as we don’t, we are core-deep in a big, steaming pat.”

“Ask the gnome and the goblin to throw a few warm bodies your way,” said Eric.

“Chief Reginal and Chief Galatee? Perhaps. Tomlin, can you visit the chiefs and explain our plight and see if they can spare any soldiers, please?”

“Tomlin wants to help in the fight.”

“Really? You?”

“If Shadow is there…”

I couldn’t believe my non-existent ears. Tomlin was so cowardly that chickens kept posters of him in their coops to inspire themselves not to be as gutless. For him to volunteer to fight spoke a lot about what Shadow meant to him. The problem was that he had no combat experience. He was a bloody essence gardener, after all, and he was my best one. I wouldn’t let him get himself killed. I couldn’t send him to fight, but nor would I embarrass him in front of Eric, Razensen, and Kainhelm.

“Tomlin, there will be plenty of time for you to fight, but