Johnny & I : The Island by Daria Paus (hardest books to read txt) 📕

side, hoping to fall back asleep. Almost immediately, last night flooded my mind. Fuck. What had I done? Hadn't I promised myself to not go home with a random woman again? It had to stop. I always felt worse after. I stared at the unfamiliar smoothness of her skin as she slept next to me and inhaled her perfume, feeling emptier than ever.

"Hey, sexy." Nancy smiled as she stretched her arms above her head, the sheet slipping just enough to reveal her bare skin beneath. A pang of regret shot through me.

"Hey," I said back, and swung my legs over the side of the bed, contemplating my best escape route. "I should go."

I felt her sit up behind me, her arms moving as if she’d begun to gather her hair into a ponytail. "No, stay."

"Sorry, I have to work," I lied. There was no filming today, but she didn't need to know that.

"But you’ll come back, right?" she asked. "I have so many plans for us."

I let out a slow breath, turning to face her. All I'd wanted was one night, and here she was, already planning our future. How could I have misinterpreted it that much? She'd literally thrown herself at me. I'd been sure she wanted the same thing.

"Uh . . .” I began. “Nancy. I'm sorry, I didn't mean . . ." I let out a sigh and ran my hand through my hair.

Her eyes narrowed as she seemed to understand where I was going. "That's it?" she asked. "You just fuck me and leave?"

"I thought you wanted that.” The moment I said it, I realized what an asshole comment it was, and wished I could take it back.

"I did," she snapped. “But not only that."

I nodded, suddenly wishing I was anywhere else than naked in an angry woman's bed. "I'm sorry," I said. "Really. It was an honest mistake." The moment the words left my mouth I knew they had once again come out wrong.

"Mistake? I was a mistake?" She threw the covers away and jumped out of bed, stomping around as she searched for her scattered clothes. She found mine and threw them at me, and I took the opportunity to dress.

When she was done, she stood in front of me, watching me in silence. I cringed under her stare.

She offered me a sly smile. "Alright sexy, I got it."

“You're not upset?"

She shook her head. “You’ll change your mind," she said.

I wouldn’t. But I nodded anyway.

∞∞∞

Nancy didn't bother me in the coming days, making our night together easier to forget. We were shooting on location for the upcoming movie and the hotel the studio had booked for us was crowded. The rumors spread quickly and wherever I went, people flocked. It was one more thing I had never gotten used to, and I was sure I never would. I would never understand the obsession, even though the support and the love from my fans were what kept me going, even in the darkest of times. That, and the comfort of escaping into another life and world for a moment. That was the main reason I’d picked up acting from the start. To escape reality. To survive.

I could barely keep my eyes open as I stumbled into my room that night. It had been a long day, and all I wanted was to lie down and sleep the headache off. I closed the door and leaned against it as I let my feelings catch up with me.

The silence was tangible. My eyes fell on the red velvet couch and I realized how empty it looked. Not just the couch, but the entire room. All the luxury and the comfort of first-class suites could not make up for the fact that at the end of the day—I was alone. I hated it. Hated how it made me feel. Hated the dreams of finding the right woman, that refused to die, no matter how much I tried to drown them with whiskey. They just kept floating back up like a cork. Stubborn, inescapable. The fake smiles and the illusion of a perfect life were exhausting to pull off—even for me. There were times when I just wanted to end it all. What was the point of having everything? A mansion too big for only one man. A private island but no one to share the freedom with. Money that I could never spend. The only thing I needed was something money couldn’t buy.

The knock on the door echoed through the empty room and I jumped from the sudden sound. With a pounding heart, I turned around and opened it.

“Hey sexy.” Her voice was like a seductive purr as she pushed her way past me and strode into the room.

I gasped as she let her coat fall to the floor.

"Nancy?" I managed to choke out. "What the fuck? How did you get up here?” The entire floor was reserved for me and the crew. How had she managed to worm her way through the net of security without being spotted or arrested for trespassing? The stalker alert went off in my mind.

"Don't you like what you see?"

I did, I couldn't deny that. But there was no way I was going to fall for that trick again. No matter how sexy she was as she stood naked before me. No matter how my lonely heart longed for a warm body to hold.

I shook my head, tearing my gaze away. "You have to go," I said, holding the door open. She didn't move.

"Get out."

"Babe.” She shook her head. "I can’t go; I came to keep you company."

Fuck. How did she know?

"You look so lonely in this big room. Let me make you feel better."

I gulped. She knew exactly which buttons to push and I hated her for it. Hated how she managed to make me feel unloved, even though she was offering herself to me. Was this all I'd ever get? Was it all I was to women? A body—a toy