Apocalypse: Fairy System by Macronomicon (fox in socks read aloud txt) 📕

“The registration is free for humans! All you have to do is—”

With a wave of his hand, Zlesk dismissed the screen in front of Jeb.

“…How?”

“I’m a Citizen,” Zlesk said with a shrug.

“Fucking traitors,” Jeb heard a human mutter across the room, where the scruffy man was watching the Courvars trying to give him vital information.

Sure, they were slutty sellouts, but they weren’t bad people. Jeb didn’t really expect anything less from them than whoring themselves out for massive success. There were certainly more insidious things they could be doing than public service announcements.

“That man owes me a night with his wife,” Jeb grumbled, turning his attention back to Zlesk. The sheriff was watching him with a cocked brow. Smartass was looking at Jeb with a similar disapproving look from atop the keegan’s hat.

“What? It’s the truth.”

“And when did you meet two of the humans who survived the Impossible Tutorial?”

“Where do you think?” Jeb asked.

“You know, lying on your census information is—”

“Punishable by death?” Jeb asked.

“A serious offense,” the keegan said, eyes narrowed to slits.

“I didn’t lie. You just came to the wrong assumptions.”

“You’re gonna have to visit me and sort out that paperwork.”

“I don’t wanna.”

“Jeb…”

“Look. I’m safer if I’m a nobody on paper,” Jeb said. “Due to reasons I don’t really wanna get into, I came out of the Impossible Tutorial actually weaker than I went in. I don’t want the government knowing about me just yet.”

Zlesk flickered in front of him, and the table jumped in place a bit, making their beer slosh around in their mugs.

Jeb blinked.

“I guess you’re telling the truth,” Zlesk said, taking a sip of his beer.

“Did you just reflex test me?” Jeb demanded as he felt a sting on his cheek, a drop of blood rolling down his face from where the sheriff had nicked him faster than he could see.

“Maybe.”

“Fucker.”

“Murder Hobo.”

Zlesk eyed him for a solid minute before speaking again. “Alright. I’m willing to leave your census as is if you tell me how you beat Svek Pederson and his crew.”

“Do you know what a cleansing wand is?” Jeb said, leaning forward.

At the end of Jeb’s description of the Beautiful Revenge, Zlesk waved off Jeb’s explanation of how it had turned the pirates into burger, saying he got the idea.

“That magic item hasn’t been added to the list of prohibited weapons yet, but I’m gonna make an executive decision as the sheriff of Kalfath and say this: I don’t want to see it inside city limits, understood?”

“Yessir.” Jeb saluted.

The two of them drank in companionable silence for a couple minutes, mulling over the events of the day.

“I think you should leave,” Zlesk finally said.

“Eh?”

“You might have bloodied his nose pretty good, but even like this, Garland Grenore’s got more money and influence than you do. The only reason you pulled that off is because he didn’t see it coming. You can bet your ass he’s paying more attention to you now. If I were you…I’d probably lay low for a couple years. Avoid dark alleys.”

Jeb sat there and thought it through. If a bulb was roughly approximate to a thousand dollars, then an assassination would probably cost anywhere between ten and a couple hundred bulbs. If the keegan expected he could pay the pirates two thousand for the return of his daughter, then there was no reason to think he wouldn’t be able to afford to sic people on Jeb’s ass.

Becoming scarce was starting to sound like a good idea.

“What’s the enforcer gonna do to him?” Jeb asked, faintly hoping that would solve his pissed-off rich guy problems.

“Slap on the wrist. He’s a Citizen. The laws are far more lenient for us.”

Jeb frowned, glancing at Zlesk. “You’re a Citizen too, right? How do you go about becoming one?”

“A hundred bulbs and a Class above level thirty, or reach officer rank in the military.”

“So, what, you buy your way in?”

“My family bought my brother and I citizenship when we hit level thirty,” Zlesk said, nodding.

“Rich boy.”

“Philistine.”

“Well,” Jeb said, standing and dropping a few coins on the table as a tip. “Thanks for the advice. I think I’ll get started on it. I liked your town and I hope to see you again.”

Zlesk waved dismissively as Jeb left the bar.

******

Jeb was in his room at the inn, packing up his shit while Smartass gushed. She’d been hiding in his collar the entire time, unable to speak for fear of someone—especially the enforcer—noticing her existence.

“That was so awesome! You pulled that off like a true fae! I mean, taking his daughter’s trust as payment? That was… I mean…”

Smartass gripped her skull before making explosion noises and spreading her hands outward. “B’CHEW!

“A stroke of brilliance. It was like watching one of the ancients at work,” she babbled while Jeb stuffed a backpack with all his goodies. Lenses, a change of clothes, a box of .44 ammo, and some dried food.

“I see you liked it,” Jeb said.

“Liked it? Liked it!? Do you have any idea how long it takes for typical mortal wizards to get the hang of procuring Myst through Bargains? And the sheer amount!” she said, holding out her arms and wiggling her fingers.

“I can feel the power flowing through my veins! Kneel before me!”

Smartass cackled and zoomed around the ceiling, insect wings humming as she did.

Jeb glanced down at the ring. He hadn’t bothered to check the profit from the Grenore job yet, but Smartass seemed pretty pleased with it, which made him curious.

If the headache was any indication, it had been pretty decent.

He took off the ring and used it to appraise himself.

Jebediah Trapper

Mystic Trapsmith, Level 39

Accolades: Krusker’s Brawn,