Seven Demons by Aidan Truhen (best motivational books for students TXT) 📕

Sharkey I am glad to hear you well. I am right now doing a thing so I cannot undertake any new work if that is why you are calling also I am stoned out of my gourd on Demon juice—”

“You’re a dead man you fuck.”

“Okay well that is disappointing I was hoping we could move past this Sharkey and go back to being friends?”

“Friends you shit you wanna be FRIENDS now?”

“I can’t say it’s like my dearest wish man but yeah that’s where I was heading I mean we gotta work together and it’s basically my default like, you know, a stranger is a friend you haven’t—”

“You put DYNAMITE ON MY BALLS—”

“In fact it was not technically dynamite. That’s like that stuff in cartoons. This was way more, you know, professional and grown-up. And I gather from the fact we are talking that the service have, you know, I guess unlimbered your scrotum. So—”

“Dynamite. On. My. Balls.”

“Okay I get where you’re coming from but you know Sharkey I was real upset and I needed your attention and you got this attitude like you’ve seen it all and done it. I figured that actually had not happened to you before. And see here we are and it is fine and we can work together. I was upset with you over you know your client betraying me and killing my friend but I have moved past it and you still have your moving parts so—”

“You’re gonna put dynamite on my balls you fuck? You’re a dead man I am going to kill you with my own hands. KILL YOU and I will juggle with your fucking balls and I will have dogs and the dogs will—”

“Sharkey I have to say your timing is not great we are right now holding a sort of a wake for a colleague and I feel like your mood is a little disruptive maybe even disrespectful.”

“FUCK YOU—”

“Okay man I’m kind of done with this little chat let’s talk again when you’re more even tempered—”

But la la la Sharkey is angry. The dogs will either eat me or fuck me or both I really have no idea I am not listening. I mean honestly how are you gonna do both at once? Hello: SPINE?

“Sharkey it is Jack have you killed me yet or am I still screaming?”

“You’re fucking dead right now Jack. I am connected you know who I am connected to? To fucking Ottavio Leopold Calvanese you fuck you remember him—”

“That is a real elegant fellow there Sharkey.”

“Yeah you tell him that see what it gets you.”

“Sharkey.”

“Yeah you walking dead man piss-pot motherfuck?”

“Sharkey are we not going to do business together anymore?”

“FUCK YOU JACK I am coming for you I am gonna come for you Jack you’re dead D E A D is what you are you COME TO MY HOUSE—”

“It’s really more of a duplex but anyway you’re saying I should count you as an active like enemy like even if I had some massively financially rewarding thing coming I should not come to you and cut you in that would not make it better. We’re just enemies now over this whole thing? Because man I thought we were bigger than that.”

“Dead Jack. Dead.”

(Mute call.)

“CHAAARLLLIIIIEEE?”

No answer so I go back in the room with the board, which I will not call the board room.

“Charlie Sharkey is calling and he is pissed.”

“Oh dearie dear.”

“Also he is—I got to say this man I feel like he’s mostly coming from a negative sort of place and—did I say I was basically high on you guys like your mitochondrial sexy hormones—”

“Price that is not a real thing JESUS you’re burning up what the—”

“I am filled with worlds of crime Doc.”

“Yes I imagine you are—”

“I see paradigms. Socially.”

“Price—”

“But that is not the point I cannot keep Sharkey on hold forever he is going to become unreasonable well no actually he is already—well never mind that I mean but professionally speaking for a moment Sharkey is aware of my continued being aliveness and I do not think he is our friend. Like he is now officially a loose end. Charlie I wanted to ask you is he—”

“Yes boss.”

“Seriously?”

“Yes he is.”

“The stupid on this guy Charlie it burns.”

“I know boss we should have factored that in to our decision making.”

“Yep no question that was an operational flaw will you mark it down?”

“Yep already done. You wanna explain to him?”

“Yes please—Sharkey? SHARKEY. Sharkey.”

“Yeah the fuck dead man?”

“Could you schschfffp ffkkkffsch I cannot hear you?”

“IS THIS BETTER YOU FUCK?”

“Yes it is thank you.”

“YOU ARE GOING TO BEG ME JACK.”

“I am genuinely saddened by this turn of events man but I got to ask although I already know the answer: Is it possible that you are so appallingly dumb you are calling me on the actual phone I left at your place as a detonator?”

“Wha—”

SNAP.

Because once the phone has exploded the rest of the pretty enormously loud bang noise does not get transmitted. It is safe to assume that although Sharkey’s balls are completely preserved from this sad sequence of events his brains do pass through his other ear at something approaching the speed of sound.

I mean it’s not like we didn’t all know this was coming, but I tell you I am seriously concerned that the legacy crime world is woefully slow on uptake of the digitally mediated workplace environment.

FOUR

“DOC WE WILL NEED A DEAD GUY AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.”

“Put it on the board—”

“There is not time for the board—”

“There is always time for the board that is how we know things have been done they go on the board and then they are crossed off the board and—”

“IT IS ON THE BOARD NOW, TEACHER PROCESS LADY WHO IS NO FUN—”

“Excellent I will take care of it—wait a particular dead guy or—”

“No no this is just housekeeping we will need a dead guy to be me I have just exploded Mr. Sharkey and also I feel the stirrings of a plan