Made For Loving You (Rescue My Heart Book 3) by Kait Nolan (i can read book club txt) 📕

finally asked him what the hell was going on, and he says it’s time for him to think about getting out. It wasn’t like we hadn’t talked about it before, when things got really bad. But we’d both ultimately decided we’d put in our twenty years first, so this felt out of left field.”

Because his legs didn’t feel altogether steady, Ty slumped back against the counter. “I asked him why the change of heart. He’s all but bouncing in his seat like a kid with a secret. Says he’s not supposed to tell, but who the hell am I gonna blab to on the other side of the world? With the biggest smile I’ve ever seen on him, he tells me Bethany’s pregnant. And then the fucking world blew up.”

He closed his eyes again, seeing the dust and the blood. Christ, the blood.

Paisley’s hands wrapped around his, an anchor that pulled him back to the now. He wanted to feel all of her, to lose himself exactly as she’d accused him of doing, but he needed to get through this, so he focused on the warmth of her grip and breathed through the grief shredding his chest.

“Our Hummer had hit a roadside bomb. We were taking on fire. Most of the convoy was already dead by the time I managed to find Garrett. He’d been thrown from the wreckage, and he’d—” Ty swallowed. “His leg was gone.”

Paisley made a small, choked noise, but said nothing.

“I managed to get him to cover, get a tourniquet on. I don’t know how long it took for backup to arrive. It felt like years. And the whole time, I’m returning enemy fire, swearing and shouting at him to just keep fucking hanging on. Then the helo set down, and I thought, thank God. The flight doctor started work on him the second we lifted off, and the medic was shoving me down to deal with shrapnel in my shoulder I hadn’t even noticed. Then he was just…gone. No last words. No nothing. Just…gone.”

Ty could still see Garrett’s limp arm slipping off the stretcher before the drugs took him under. “I swore to protect him, and I failed.”

“You did everything you could. You didn’t plant that IED.”

So, he’d been told over and over. On his good days, he believed it, a little.

“No. But it was supposed to be me in that seat. It should’ve been me who died. He should have been able to go home to his wife and child like I promised Bethany he would the day they got married.” His throat closed up on the words as he fought back the tide of emotion.

“That wasn’t a reasonable promise.”

Ty stiffened, starting to pull away, but Paisley held on, her expression fierce.

“No, listen to me. You were brothers. There isn’t a soul who knew the two of you who didn’t understand that. You were both willing to lay your lives on the line for each other. And you did that, over and over again. But you aren’t God. Garrett died because of circumstances outside your control, not because you somehow shirked your duty to protect him.”

His throat burned with unshed tears as he uttered the truth he’d told no one else. “I couldn’t protect her either. She lost the baby.” And the last piece of his best friend had died with it.

“Oh, Ty.” Paisley cradled his face, and there was no pity in her eyes. Neither was there disappointment. Only a profound sharing of his grief that he didn’t know how to accept. She pressed against him, wrapping him in an embrace he understood was meant to banish his demons.

“I can’t face her. I can’t do it knowing she lost everything because I couldn’t keep him safe.”

“Okay.” She held tighter, brushing a soft kiss to his jaw. “Okay.”

And after an eternity warring with himself, Ty let himself lean on her and wept.

Chapter 11

Paisley woke late, instinctively reaching for Ty. But his side of the bed was empty and cold. The scent of coffee told her he was already up. No sound of movement or jangle of dog tags came from below, so he’d probably taken Duke out for a walk. Collapsing back on her pillow she wondered for a moment if she’d dreamed last night.

For the first time since she’d begun sharing his bed, Ty had woken her with a nightmare, shouting for Garrett. Her fault. When she’d managed to pull him out of it, she’d thought he’d turn away, get up to pace off all that adrenaline. Instead, he’d turned to her, losing himself in her body, as if he could cleanse his mind with the fire of passion. She shifted at the memory, and a sufficient number of aches proved that, at least, hadn’t been a dream. She’d held him after, until they’d both slid back into sleep.

Where did they stand now? Was him being up and going already this morning just his usual morning-person inability to stay in bed? Or was he putting distance between them? She wished she knew. Before last night, she’d based most of her decisions around what she knew of the boy she’d loved beyond reason. There was still plenty of him in the man, but this was uncharted territory, and she hadn’t figured out how to navigate the space between who he’d been and who he was now.

The door opened, and Duke’s paws clicked on the hardwood as he pranced inside. Paisley rolled out of bed, grabbing a robe before making her way downstairs. Ty was already dressed for his workday.

As she hit the first floor, her dog bounded over with a happy yip.

Ty glanced at them, his expression neutral. “There’s coffee.”

She rubbed Duke down with hands that trembled from nerves. “Thanks.”

All business, Ty looped the leash on a hook. “He’s had some exercise and emptied both tanks, so he should be good to go.” Before she could figure out what to say, he was buckling on his duty belt. “l have a briefing,