The Dark Lord Bert 2 by Chris Fox (bookstand for reading .TXT) 📕

A terrified bleating came from outside, and she craned her neck to the window to see Boberton playing with Bert’s goat. She simply had to know.

“Bert, why were you bringing that poor creature into your dungeon?” She shivered as a thought flitted through her mind. “You weren’t going to…feed something were you? Like a t-rex? What’s going to happen to the goat?”

Horror bloomed in Bert’s expression, but it was cut off as the visor to his armor fell down and obscured his vision. It also made his breathing sound oddly raspy. “Bert protect goat so goat protect Bert from magic. Bert not clear on how it works, but need escape goat in case adventurers come. Advisor say so.”

Kit considered that, but without speaking to the advisor it would be like playing a game of telephone. She resigned herself to not understanding. Perhaps it would be used in some dark ritual.

Her hand came up almost of her own accord to stifle a yawn.

Bert shot to his feet, and clutched tiny gauntleted hands to his breastplate. “Bert so sorry. Guests probably tired. Bert will return to dungeon. Kit and new gnome friend can sleep, and tomorrow we talk about Dark Lord White.” Bert raised a fist in a very un-Bertlike fashion. “Bert will deal with White. White not hurt friends. Not any more.”

Kit hoped he could succeed where she had failed. They would need a plan, of course, but she could work on that in the morning. One more yawn, and she fell asleep on the couch.

24

Breakfast

The following morning Kit arrived in Bert’s cafeteria, adjacent to the labyrinth, to find most of the monsters already having breakfast. She joined the back of the chow line behind a brown-furred nuppet. A big one…the creature stood nearly as tall as she did.

“B is for brownie,” the nuppet patiently explained to the mummy standing behind the counter. “Give Brownie Monster brownies.”

The mummy turned desiccated eyes down at its trays of food, which included fluffy scrambled eggs, pancakes, sausage, and potatoes. The mummy glanced up again, and gave a helpless shrug as bits of wrapping fell off its arms into the gravy. No gravy then.

“Not have brownies?” The nuppet’s eyes went watery, and it glanced around the room for some sort of support. Kit felt a little badly for the creature.

“Wait!” Bert’s tiny voice came from the far side of the room as the goblin waddled up. “Bert can fix. Bert do magic. Watch! Bert cast spell.” The goblin rolled up his sleeves. “Make brownies!” Bert pointed at the table next to Brownie Monster, and a plate full of steaming chocolate brownies appeared.

The nuppet dove on the plate like a starving man, and pieces flew everywhere as he greedily devoured the contents. Not a single brownie survived the onslaught, but by the time it had finished Brownie Monster sank into a chair and began rubbing his belly.

Bert wore a contented smile as he joined the back of the line behind Kit, then took a tray full of eggs and pancakes. She did the same, with some sausage, and then joined Bert at one of the tables. He climbed into his chair with great dignity, and she noted that he seemed to have matured since the last time they’d adventured together.

“Kit like pancakes?” Bert smiled up at her, then stood in his chair and seized the syrup with both hands. He poured a generous portion over his entire plate, and then sat down to happily gnaw at the contents.

Kit did enjoy pancakes, though she was much more judicious in her use of syrup. Bert got it everywhere, on his arms, face, and head. It was like he was trying to bathe in it, but somehow it made her smile. Even simple acts like eating were tremendous fun for the little goblin.

“Bert finished!” He leapt to his feet in all his syrup-covered glory. “Did Kit know Bert can do magic now? Watch! Bert clean!”

Kit recognized the spell he used, and both hands began to glow as the goblin tidied up his face and clothing. Not only did the spell amuse her, but it also relieved her as it showed that Bert had real power. Maybe enough power to somehow stop White.

She set her fork down, her appetite having deserted her. Time to get back to business. “Bert, are you ready to talk about White?”

Bert slowly sat down in his chair and nodded somberly. “Bert ready for details. First, any word about Paradise? Bert worry about mum.”

“I don’t know.” Kit shrugged apologetically. “You could scry on her to find out.”

“Bert check spell points.” Bert peered off into space as if seeing something she couldn’t, then his gaze refocused. “Okay, Bert can do.” He inhaled a deep breath. “Show Bert what mum doing!”

An image of a goblin matron with a rolling pin in one hand and curlers in her hair appeared over the cafeteria. The woman led dozens of goblins through caverns, and the woman bellowed orders, though they couldn’t hear any words as the scrying provided no audio.

“Bert so relieved.” He wiped his hand along his brow, and then waved the scrying spell away. “Mum is okay. Goblins okay.”

“The rest of the town isn’t.” Kit bit her lip. “White has killed pretty much everyone, except for the shopkeepers.”

“How powerful White? What class?” Bert rubbed his tiny hands along his black armor.

“His own unique class.” She plucked one more piece of pancake from the plate and tossed it into her mouth. “He’s more powerful than ever, but I have no idea what he can do.”

“Bert need to see character sheet.” Bert began to pace back and forth across the chair. “If Bert can see, then maybe Bert can figure out how to beat.”

“I don’t think it’s worth risking.” She shook her head as she considered everything she knew about White. “He’ll have defenses prepared, and if he catches you the dark lord trope will only make him stronger.”

“Hmm, good point.” Bert stopped