Peaces by Helen Oyeyemi (best books to read for self improvement .txt) 📕

her jeans, and said to Xavier and me: “Wednesday is indeed the big day. And the doctor’s boarding the train tomorrow to make the assessment that has to be submitted to the executor. We need a calm and quiet atmosphere. No more pulling the emergency cord for no discoverable reason.”

To the carriage wall she said: “And no more whistling and fire extinguishers!”

She put a hand over her own heart for a second before continuing. “Ms. Kapoor has spoken with Dr. Zachariah weekly ever since she took up residence here, and the doctor jokes—at least I hope it is a joke—that Ms. Kapoor maintains sanity to an abnormal degree. But we can’t rest on our laurels yet. The problem is that four years, seven months, and twenty days of the best laid plans can come to absolutely nothing over the course of twenty-four hours.”

“Ah. Er … it’s true that complacency’s no good,” Xavier said, “but it really doesn’t seem like you have to do any more than you already have. We’ll just stay out of everybody’s way until we’re home. Believe us, we have no disruptive intentions.”

Laura asked: “Are you sure?” at almost exactly the same moment Allegra did. Laughing nervously, each gestured for the other to elaborate first.

“It’s just that ever since you two joined us, Ms. Kapoor has been … skittish,” Laura said.

Allegra smiled. “Maybe in your opinion, Ms. De Souza. Let’s see what the qualified and experienced psychiatrist says.”

“Ms. Yu … are you forgetting that we’re back to the songs for Přem again, from midnight ’til five? That one song in particular … the one that sounds like part of a soundtrack for a TV special on abusive relationships. If Dr. Zachariah observes all that and still decides Ms. Kapoor’s doing well, then we’ll need to find a more credible assessor pronto.”

“Just out of curiosity,” Allegra said, “I know we aren’t friends and you’re just here for work, but have you left the neutral observer zone, Ms. De Souza? Are you actively hoping that Dr. Zachariah won’t confirm Ava to be of sound mind?”

Laura twirled her lollipop around inside her mouth while she thought about this.

“No,” she said. “Over the years I’ve become biased in the other direction. I hope Ms. Kapoor does inherit. I think she would make the money behave correctly. And I like you, Ms. Yu. I know that left to your own devices you would have used these years to write music instead of chauffeuring your girlfriend around by train.”

“I’ve been doing both without too many issues, thanks,” Allegra said stiffly.

“But you are not happy with the music you write nowadays. You compare it to what you were doing before, and it is the same, almost exactly the same … you are unable to add anything or to blend anything in. Well, you made that choice of your own free will, so I won’t embarrass you anymore. I’m telling you I like the way you have been keeping the terrifying promises you made to Ava Kapoor. I’m telling you this even though it’s unprofessional to do so, since it’s true that I’m not here to like anybody.”

To Xavier and me, Laura said: “I shouldn’t get attached. The money situation is quite serious. Ms. Kapoor has borrowed quite a lot of money on her inheritance expectations. Money to live off, and money for the work she’s doing on the train …”

“There are companies that would lend that much based on this?” Xavier asked, raising and dropping the photocopied will.

“Ruthless ones,” Laura said, and Allegra added: “With cutthroat interest rates.”

Laura shrugged. “Et voilà, I travel with them, I send reports to my boss in Hong Kong. In theory I assist with keeping Ms. Kapoor on an even keel because that is the best way to guarantee my boss gets his money back, but it makes me feel like we’re on some sort of sanitarium train, humouring the patient. So whatever, I don’t hasten to dampen Ms. Kapoor’s spirits when she laughs loudly, unlike some …”

“I think I see,” I said, before Allegra could return the volley.

“So do I,” Xavier said. “Sorry if we’ve somehow made Ava skittish.”

Allegra repeated that we hadn’t done that, but Laura listed the various passengers they’d picked up and dropped off over the years. Xavier and I were the thirteenth pair of honeymooners …

I waited for Xavier’s interjection that we hadn’t actually got married. He delivered as expected. We’re both curious about his unerring pursuit of transparency there. (He says he doesn’t quite understand it himself.) Maybe some part of Xavier Shin savours the uncomfortable pause as the other person tries to decide what to ask or say, not ask or not say. For my part, I’d argue that a pinch of unexpected information might well make otherwise formulaic exchanges more real, but in this case the outcome tends towards more awkwardness than there needs to be …

Anyway, I’m not saying I dislike it. Xavier’s brief and obstinate amendments remind me of all the trouble we two took to discover our intentions towards each other. In the absence of progeny, or a belief that subjecting each other to a legal and economic contract guarantees us anything we really need from each other, what was the simplest and strongest sign of our bond? After all the hinting and the ranting and the silences both gentle and fearsome, what a relief it was to discover that, in the case of X and O, all it comes down to is being known by the same name. Even if that is an overestimation of our ability to keep up with whatever shenanigans life has in store for us …

Laura raised an eyebrow. “So this isn’t a honeymoon to you?”

The question was directed at me, along with an unimpressed stare. Allegra duplicated the stare. It looked as if they’d made up their minds which Shin was the commitment-phobe who’d thrown his spanner into the honeymoon works.

“We’re calling it a non-honeymoon honeymoon,” I said, in my firmest, most