Starter Wife (The Jilted Wives Club Book 1) by Bethany Lopez (a court of thorns and roses ebook free TXT) 📕

even realize there were tears running down my face until they slipped off my chin.

Or I’d find myself unable to get out of bed and stay in it, in my pajamas, for the entire day.

These things didn’t happen all the time, I had my children to take care of, but it seemed like depression would hit when I least expected it.

Therapy had helped with all of that, and I hadn’t felt as freaked out as I had today in over a year. Maybe it was because things with Luca had progressed much further than I’d ever expected, and the fact that we were already to the meet the parents’ stage of the relationship had doubt festering beneath the surface and I hadn’t been aware of it until everything seemed to hit all at once.

Figuring my reaction today could only mean one thing, I bypassed the exit to my house and continued on to Marcus’s.

I often put off having to talk to him unless it was absolutely necessary for the kids. But today made me realize something my therapist had been trying to drill into me for months.

Marcus and I had never really talked about what happened.

It came up in the divorce, and we talked around it, but we’d both done a pretty stellar job of avoiding having an actual conversation about the demise of our marriage.

It’s time I got some closure.

Before I could talk myself out of it, I parked my car, got out, and marched up to the front door of his and Crystal’s house.

With a deep breath, I steeled myself, then raised my hand and knocked.

A few seconds later, Marcus opened the door in a tank top and shorts. He was sweaty and out of breathe, and I figured he’d been on the treadmill.

Marcus had always been serious about fitness.

“Whitney,” he said, his surprise obvious. “Is everything okay? I’m supposed to have the kids until tonight. They are at the store with Crystal right now.”

“I’m not here about the kids,” I said with a wave of my hand. “We need to talk. Can I come in?”

“Uh, yeah, sure,” Marcus said, stepping to the side and gesturing for me to enter. “I’m going to grab some water. Do you want anything?”

“No, I’m good, thanks.”

I followed him through the house and into the kitchen. While he crossed to the fridge, I moved to the small table they had by the bay window and took a seat.

When he was about to sit across from me, I looked up at him and asked, “Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why did you leave me? Leave us? Why did you cheat?”

Marcus’s eyes widened as he paused mid-sit.

“We’re going to need something stronger than water for this conversation.”

A couple minutes later, he was back with two glasses and a bottle of bourbon. He poured us each two fingers and took his seat.

“So?” I prodded when he didn’t say anything.

“Why are you asking this now?”

“It’s well overdue, don’t you think? I mean, I know you hate conflict, and I was always super careful to avoid it so as not to upset you, but those days are over, and we need to have this discussion. I need it.”

“Okay.” Marcus cleared his throat, like he did when he was uncomfortable, and said, “Well, you know things in our marriage had gotten stagnant in those last few years. We were running on autopilot, like we were stuck in this rut and we didn’t know how to get out.”

“So you thought sleeping with Crystal would help that?” I asked, admittedly a little cattily.

Marcus sighed.

“No, obviously not. But when I met Crystal, she was so full of life and seemed to hang on my every word. She was really into me and wasn’t afraid to show it…”

“Even though you were married.” At his pointed look, I mumbled, “Sorry, please go on.”

“She made me feel like I was young again. Like I was desirable as a man, not just like the father to her children whose job it was to mow the lawn and take out the trash. I never meant to cheat, and I didn’t want to hurt you, but once I saw how things could be with Crystal, I just couldn’t go on living the life I was.”

I could understand that. My life had changed since the divorce and I’d found myself enjoying doing things because I wanted to and not having to think about what Marcus would want before making decisions. And, since I’d met Luca, I’d felt sexier, more open to possibilities and excited about what was to come.

Still… “If you were so unhappy, how come you never talked to me about it? I mean, before you went looking for someone else to do new things with and have adventures, why didn’t you try and fix things with your wife? You don’t think we could have found our way back to each other?”

Marcus gave a half shrug and said, “I don’t know. Maybe. But by that point we hardly ever talked about anything but the kids and what was going on in their lives. Look, you couldn’t have been happy those last few years either, right? Even if you didn’t know it then, I’m sure you know it now. Didn’t you ever wonder what it would be like if we were no longer together? What it would be like to start over with someone new?”

“No, I didn’t. I was married to you. Committed to the life we spent twenty-five years building. I thought we were going to grow old together,” I said honestly. I’d taken our vows seriously and the thought of cheating never crossed my mind. I just wasn’t that kind of person. “I guess there were the occasional times when I wondered what life would be like if you died, but the thought of either of us leaving each other of our own free will never crossed my mind.”

“Wow,” Marcus said dryly. “So, you’d have rather seen me dead than with someone else?”

“At the time, yeah, I guess,” I admitted,