Fateful Lightning: A New History of the Civil War & Reconstruction by Allen Guelzo (self help books to read TXT) 📕

Later that morning, with the Periwinkle moored up Tom, Nia and Jack settled into the narrowboat’s front cabin to watch a DVD of one of Nia’s early films. Twenty odd years previously, Nia had had a supporting role in a low budget mock Hammer comedy horror film, the double entendre named Vampire Moon. It was one of those films that had lots of fake blood, ear splitting screams, lots of fake breasts and a few real ones, including Nia’s. Nia’s character was an over-sexed village girl who, although warned not to stay out late, does, and runs into a handsome young stranger. In the throes of lovemaking, the stranger’s love bites turn real and Nia’s village girl, amongst blood and nudity, is transformed into a vampire. The film just made its production costs back at the time and was instantly forgettable; but had now earned cult status and was now going to be shown at a British Film Institute Brit horror movie retrospective. Nia had been invited to attend the BFI event and she had asked Tom to join her. It would be an evening gown and black-tie type of event. She wanted to watch the film with Tom before the public viewing.

Nia, from the corner of her eye, watched Tom as he watched the movie. He laughed at the appropriate parts, showed shock at the clichéd gotcha moments, and appeared to appreciate her acting ability. He mouthed “Wow” and raised an eyebrow during Nia’s pivotal nude scene. As Tom watched the film, he felt a sudden melancholy, not for anything he viewed on screen but from a sense of loss for not being with Nia in the past. It was a ridiculous, unrealistic feeling, and he knew that, but the ache was there like a regret.

Later, Nia noticed Tom was quiet as they walked hand in hand down the towpath. He had promised her a late lunch in a canal-side pub. Jack ran on in front.

Tom’s pace slowed.

“What?” Nia asked.

“Oh nothing.”

“No, there’s something,” she said. “Was it the film? Oh my God, was it my nude scene?”

“No, it’s odd. It’s just that I feel like I spent an hour with the you when you were twenty or so.”

“Silly,” she said. “That wasn’t me. You know, I’m not really a nympho vampire.” And then added with a dramatic flourish, “That’s acting darling.”

“I know,” Tom said smiling. “It’s just that I would have liked to have been with you then.”

Nia stopped walking.

“No Tom, I don’t think you would have liked me then at all. I was difficult. I was a little bit damaged and didn’t realise it.”

“Oh, I don’t know,” Tom began.

“No, look, I know. You would have hated me, and I would have hated that you were in the army for a start. More so after the wars began. Forgive me, but I couldn’t help blame the military as well as the dicks in Whitehall. I was out protesting those damn wars. I was a member of ‘Stop the War’. I hated all the ‘Queen and Country’ bullshit the media and generals were spouting.”

“Nia,” Tom said quietly. “That’s fine. I wasn’t a massive fan of those damn wars myself.”

“Yes, but you fought in them, didn’t you?” Nia said as more of an accusation. “For the feckless stupid government.”

“Yes,” Tom said resignedly. “It was my duty. It was what I had signed up for, it was my bloody job after all.”

Tom was surprised at the conversation’s turn. As was Nia.

“Nia, it’s odd to think, but as soldiers we serve the government, the people, but when the shit hits the fan, most of that serving stuff goes out the window and we end up fighting for each other and not for the prevailing political authority. And, the shit hit the fan pretty bloody quickly. It got really bad out there… really quickly. My job simply became just trying to keep my soldiers and myself alive.”

“I’m sorry,” Nia said. “I can’t imagine. It’s crazy to think at that time I was worried about dying on stage and you were worried about actually dying.” She smiled but it was thin. “But the soldier stuff has got nothing to do with it. Actually, it would have been the whole nice guy thing.”

Tom opened his mouth to respond, but Nia put up her hand.

“It’s true Tom,” she continued. “It’s so fucking true,” she smiled, wistfully. “I ate nice, kind guys up or threw ‘em away or both. I just didn’t find them interesting. It was bad boys for me. I didn’t know it then but my sense of normality was messed up. I had been abused by my family and I was kind of being abused by the industry, with all its focus on beauty and body, and the boyfriends. Everybody lying to everyone all the time. There were plenty ‘me too’ moments before they were called ‘me too’. I was responding badly. I was too self-absorbed; everyone I was with was too self-absorbed. And there were drugs. Self-absorbed people, booze and drugs, a potent mix. A bad mix.”

Tom didn’t know what to say, “Wow, well I know I can’t compete with your past.”

It was Nia’s turn to be surprised.

“You don’t have to, idiot,” she said. “Two husbands, a slight coke problem, and a series of meaningless relationships is not a lot to be proud of. And, no one is asking you to compete,” she continued. “The past is past, a foreign country, right? I was different then.”

“So, you find this,” he nodded down the towpath, to the Periwinkle, and then he touched his chest, “To be exciting and interesting enough now?”

“Aye, silly, I do.”

She grabbed his face in both of her hands and stared deeply into his eyes, unblinking. “I do now. It’s taken a lifetime to find you and we’re different