Jonny's Redemption (Gemini Group Book 7) by Riley Edwards (audio ebook reader TXT) 📕

He couldn’t let Bobby down. No matter what, he had to push through his insecurities and be the man she needed.

No. Failure was not an option.

16

I was sitting on Jonny’s back deck staring at nothing. Not because there wasn’t something to look at. There was plenty to take in. Jonny took pride in his home. In his yard. The grass was green and lush, there were flower beds and a birdbath. There was a great place where he could build a swing set for his kids one day. The woods behind his house offered privacy and when the sun set over them his yard turned magical.

I was staring at nothing because I had no idea why I was there.

I shouldn’t have run in the first place. It was stupid, but I panicked. And this was where the confusion came in—if I was running because I was embarrassed and scared, why had I run to Jonny’s house? Why had I fled Chasin and Evie’s farm with a burning need to get away from everyone before they all found out the truth, straight to the house of the man I needed to run the farthest from?

Now that I’d calmed down I could admit I overreacted. Chasin had known about my past for a long time and he hadn’t said anything. He hadn’t come between me and Evie. He hadn’t made her fire me. Chasin had invited me into his life and family. He included me.

I was just so shocked and horrified he knew I couldn’t think straight.

If you’ve calmed down, why didn’t you tell Jonny where you were when he texted?

Because I needed time to figure out why my only thought while I was escaping was to run to Jonny.

And now I’ve lost my mind.

Perfect.

Super.

What am I supposed to do now?

Text him where you are, drama queen.

Awesome, now I was sitting on Jonny’s back deck arguing with myself.

I heard footsteps crunch on the gravel and turned to see Jonny walking up.

Thank the good Lord in my lunacy I’d hadn’t voiced my thoughts.

Right, because he doesn’t already know you’re crazy.

I seriously needed to get a handle on my internal rumblings.

Jonny climbed the stairs, took a few steps on the wood planks, then stopped and leaned against the railing. He said not a word. But he didn’t look mad. His face was soft, his blue eyes warm the way they got when he was happy. Which was weird but I wasn’t going to look a gift horse in the mouth. If he wasn’t mad at me for blowing him off, I wasn’t going to bring up what kind of bitch I’d been to him.

“I overreacted,” I admitted. “Chasin told me he knew I had a juvenile record and I…I don’t know what happened. I panicked. But it was more than that. It was like there was a rope around my neck and it was tightening. I couldn’t breathe. Then this overwhelming shame came over me and I needed to get away from it so I ran away.”

Jonny didn’t say anything; he just looked at me as if he were hanging on my every word. Like he cared about what I had to say.

Not with disgust.

Not with anger.

I’d been stupid thinking I could hold back parts of myself from him. Secrets always had a way of coming out. Some took longer than others, but when the truth was revealed trust was broken—the damage was done.

“I was running and I didn’t understand what I was running from,” I babbled. “I don’t know why I came here. I don’t even remember driving here. I guess I needed to feel safe and this is the only place where I feel whole. Where I can be me. It’s where you are.

“I don’t know why I didn’t tell you I was here. That was a shitty thing to do. I’m sorry, Jonny, I shouldn’t have overreacted.”

Jonny pushed off the railing and slowly closed the distance until he was standing in front of me offering me his hand. I hoped that meant he forgave me for my foolishness. As soon as I placed my hand in his, I had my answer. He hauled me to my feet and Jonny’s arms wrapped around me. One went low around my waist while the other cradled the back of my head. I could hear the thumping of Jonny’s heart. Strong and sure and safe. I was always safe with Jonny.

“I forgot,” I whispered.

“Forgot what?”

“That I’m always safe with you. I should’ve told you but I was afraid.”

God, when was I going to stop being the ratty little girl who cared what other people thought?

“Afraid of me?”

“Afraid that if you knew the truth about me, the real truth, not the circumstances I grew up in, but the things I did, you’d know I wasn’t good enough for you.”

Silence fell heavy and hard. I shoved aside all the insecurities that plagued my thoughts. The uncertainties. The fears that were always in the forefront telling me that if people knew the truth they’d know I was nothing more than backwoods trash. They wouldn’t want to be near me.

Fear that was so real I woke up every morning readying for battle. I put on my designer armor, caked on my makeup, styled my hair, and I didn’t leave my house until my mask of perfection was in place. Anything less and people would know how worthless I was. But Jonny didn’t see me as worthless. Evie had never treated me with anything but kindness. Chasin hadn’t and he knew about my past.

Shouldn’t that have been enough?

God, why wasn’t that enough?

“Why can’t I let it go?” I asked.

“Same reason I can’t.” Jonny’s chest expanded with a deep breath and slowly collapsed as he exhaled. “We’re both holding onto the past because it’s what we know—simple, clear-cut. It’s easier to hold onto the hurt and anger than to forgive. Forgiveness means we have to step into the unknown and move on. It means