The Dark Lord Bert 2 by Chris Fox (bookstand for reading .TXT) 📕

Wasn’t one supposed to pick a wall and follow it? He should have been doing that the entire time, but at least there was no one around to witness his noobish-ness.

An eternity later White finally spilled out into a large room. Not the end of the maze, but perhaps the first waypoint. A flock of malignant seagulls crowded the room, and glared at him as if he had something to fear.

Judging by the piles of white liquid on the ground beneath their perches White suspected they’d been here for some time. He advanced into the room, and turned a sneer in their direction. “And what, precisely, are you supposed to be? I’ve never seen a less intimidating encounter. You can’t be more than a CR 2.”

“CR 12!” they crooned in unison. One of the birds waddled forward, and judging by the black crown it wore he suspected it must be the leader. “We are the gulls of Naz, and we fear no man, for the Eye of Soreness himself has prophesied that we cannot be slain by the hand of man.”

“Stupid birds.” White snorted a laugh, and crossed his arms as he prepared to enlighten them. “There are so many loopholes to that prophecy. For example, what about the foot of man? I could step on you.” He pointed down at his foot. “I’m not going to though.” White smiled magnanimously, friend to friend. “You see, I’m no a man.” White unzipped his trousers, and gave them the business. “I have no balls. And thus, your prophecy is meaningless to me.”

The birds scattered, each clawing at the others to flee the room.

“Yes!” White cackled. “You’ve realized that your stupid prophecy doesn’t apply to me.”

“No,” cried one bird.

“Ugh,” cried another. “You literally just exposed yourself to us. NGL. Not a good look, man.”

Anger surged in White, and he summoned his magic. “Decrusto!”

A bolt of eldritch energy shot from his hand, and split into a dozen bolts, which homed in on the birds. They tried to flap away, but it availed them not. The disintegrates unerringly found their targets, each bird exploding with a sudden pop. When it was over, nothing but feathers and the black rings from their legs remained.

White rolled his eyes as he stepped over the remains and continued through the maze. This time he started by following the same wall, and was rewarded about twenty minutes later when he reached the next large room. It contained another monster, this one enough of a threat that White slowed and gave it his full attention.

A large nuppet stood at the far end of the chamber. Brown shaggy fur covered his entire body, and those dead lifeless eyes had fixed directly on White. When the nuppet spoke, White had to strain to catch the words. “B is for brownie.”

And then the creature blurred forward. He’d never seen anyone move so fast, and guessed that the nuppet had at least a +20 to initiative. That shouldn’t be possible, but there it was.

A brown shaggy fist cracked toward his face, but the invisible shield diverted it with a ripple of magic. Another fist and another. Blows rained down faster than he could track, and White realized his shield had gone down.

Another punch fell, and this one did real damage. White had no more patience, and activated another spell-like ability. Dark energy rippled out around his entire body, enveloping him in its protection.

The nuppet didn’t care. It continued to punch him, but now each time a blow landed the damage reflected back to the attacker. Again and again the shaggy nuppet punched White, and each time it staggered back from its own blow.

“Are you really going to keep trying?” White sneered at the doomed nuppet. “Run. Maybe I’ll let you live.”

“B. For. Brownie.” The creatures eyes narrowed, and it charged White one last time.

White made no move to dodge, and when the blow fell it rebounded to the attacker, who wasn’t terribly bright. The kinetic force was so great it caused the nuppet to explode, peppering White with chunks of brownie, and less identifiable bits.

“Fool.” White stepped over the body with a laugh.

But then he forgot to follow the left wall again, and by the time he realized it he’d returned to the first room. Near the beginning of the level. White glared around him, but no one had witnessed his folly.

He stalked back the way he’d come, and again followed the left wall. About forty minutes later he reached the remains of the Brownie Monster, and then finally he made it further into the maze.

White followed the left wall, and an eternity later finally arrived at a flight of stairs leading to the next level. In the distance he spotted an angry orange glow. A volcanic glow. He had to be nearing the end of the maze.

Soon the Dark Lord Bert would be out of places to hide.

32

Wizard's Duel

Bert winced as the Brownie Monster died. He released the scrying spell—such a useful thing, up there with cleaning himself. He turned back to Kit, who eyed him sympathetically.

“What are you going to do?” The elf rested a hand on his shoulder, which Bert appreciated. It wasn’t quite a hug, but it perked him right up.

“Bert have to save monsters.” He began to pace, as that always helped with difficult problems. “Bert probably going to have to attack White directly. Get his attention. Will Kit help?” He peered up at his friend, who shifted uncomfortably.

“If you really think it’s the best way.” Kit chewed on her lower lip. “I don’t know if we can take White.”

“Bert not sure we can, but have to try.” Bert waddled into the hallway. His armor made walking a bit more difficult, but he absolutely loved the way it made him feel like a proper dark lord.

His monsters were willing to die for him, which really touched Bert. He wanted to do right by them. Boberton was