A Fall from Grace by Maggie Ford (books to read for self improvement TXT) 📕

It was now well into February. They’d been meeting here once a week for the last six weeks, yet she still felt that rush of excitement in the pit of her stomach as she approached the hotel’s modest entrance. So different to the feeling she’d had that first time.

Then she had slowed her steps as she neared the place, doubts so clogging her insides that she had almost turned back the way she’d come. It had been an effort to approach the small reception desk, sure that the young clerk standing behind it would take her for a street walker and turn her away. But he couldn’t have been more polite had she been a titled lady. Even so, having to ask for Tony by name was an effort, somehow strangely unsavoury as though the clerk knew what the two of them were about.

But hardly had Tony’s name left her lips when someone had leapt up from a nearby armchair, his voice loud and cheery.

‘Maddie! Here at last. What sort of journey was it? Pretty delayed by the sound of it. How is you mother, Aunt Beatrice?’

Madeleine had instantly taken her cue from him, making her own voice as cheery and innocuous as his. ‘She’s very well and sends her love.’

His arm threaded itself through hers as he led her to the lift without a backward glance at the hotel clerk. Yanking aside the gate, he had stepped back to allow her in, then followed, dragging the gate to and pressing the button. The ground floor seemed to sink below them as the lift rose.

When they stopped at the first floor, the corridor beyond had been silent and deserted. He pulled back the gate but instead of helping her out, took hold of her, brought her close, his lips closing on hers. They seemed to stand there forever before finally moving apart. He took her hand, leading her from the lift. Neither spoke as he led her to a door a few yards along the corridor.

In silence he took the key from his pocket and unlocked the door, allowing her to precede him. He followed, closing the door behind them very quietly, not one word having passed between them. Still without speaking, he had kissed her again and, as moments before, with neither of them breaking apart he’d manoeuvred her towards the narrow bed just a few steps away and laid her down, gently lowering himself beside her at the same time. It was almost skilful.

Only then did his lips leave hers for him to lift himself the easier to undo the buttons of her thick coat, her blouse, easing the edges apart, lifting her breasts above the loose top of her bodice, lowering his face to them to take a nipple into his mouth. She had let it happen, joy overflowing with the sensation, the first time he had been so close to her, almost a part of her; so wonderful, she was hardly aware of her top clothing and nether garments being removed, his too, until she felt him enter her, an overwhelming moment of two becoming as one; his breath close to her ear, her own sighing, then gasping, the world whirling about her.

It was over too soon. Lying satiated side by side on the narrow single bed they’d gazed up at the ceiling. It was yellow with old cigarette smoke and slightly uneven in places, the lamp shade not the newest of objects, but the room itself clean and nicely furnished. Strange now to remember that.

As normality moved slowly back into place, he had turned his face to her. ‘Are you OK?’ he’d asked and she had nodded.

Then had come the memory of an old barn, she lying utterly fulfilled beside the man who’d taken his fill of her, believing him as much in love with her as she with him. The recollection had dragged an involuntary tremulous sigh from her, making Anthony look at her, filled with concern. ‘My darling, I didn’t hurt you, did I? If I did…’

It was then that she’d broken down, all the years of pent up yearning for that foolish time never to have happened, had wrenched itself painfully out of her.

Burying her face against his shoulder she heard herself sobbing, the words pouring from her, erratic. ‘It was a long time ago… I was so young, no idea what it was about… there was a baby – taken from me… I don’t know where she is. I was never told. My parents disowned me – settled her elsewhere – I never found out where or who with. I’m not… not a virgin.’

She remembered how quiet he’d become, lost in thought. Despair had washed over her – she’d lost him, knew then just how much she loved him. Silence seemed to draw itself out while she remained with her face hidden, convinced it was over. Then slowly he said in a low voice, ‘It was a long time ago,’ and as if uncertain of her response, added huskily, ‘I shall see you next week, shan’t I?’ as if he dared not hope.

She had turned her face in surprise to his. ‘You still want me?’

‘With all my heart. I love you, Maddie. And you, do you still love me?’

‘Oh, yes, yes,’ she’d breathed, her whole being overwhelmed by relief.

Today she made her way through the few falling flakes of snow. She and Tony would make love, a little less tense these days, would lay in each other’s arms, then after a while make love again. But how long would it be allowed to go on? That was the only thought that troubled her. How much longer could she keep it from James? One day he would become suspicious – a word dropped, a look noticed as it passed between herself and Anthony, alerting him to something very wrong. How she longed to be free of James, yet how