Yama by Aleksandr Kuprin (best ereader for pdf TXT) 📕

earth with its beatific motherhood, with its mornings and nights, with its magnificent everyday miracles. But man has lied himself out so, has become such an importunate beggar, and has sunk so low!⁠ ⁠… Ah, Likhonin, but I am weary!”

“I, as an anarchist, partly understand you,” said Likhonin thoughtfully. It was as though he heard and yet did not hear the reporter. Some thought was with difficulty, for the first time, being born in his mind. “But one thing I can not comprehend. If humanity has become so malodorous to you, then how do you stand⁠—and for so long, too⁠—all this⁠—” Likhonin took in the whole table with a circular motion of his hand⁠—“the basest thing that mankind could invent?”

“Well, I don’t even know myself,” said Platonov with artlessness. “You see, I am a vagabond, and am passionately in love with life. I have been a turner, a compositor; I have sown and sold tobacco⁠—the cheap Silver Makhorka kind⁠—have sailed as a stoker on the Azov Sea, have been a fisherman on the Black⁠—on the Dubinin fisheries; I have loaded watermelons and bricks on the Dnieper, have ridden with a circus, have been an actor⁠—I can’t even recall everything. And never did need drive me. No, only an immeasurable thirst for life and an insupportable curiosity. By God, I would like for a few days to become a horse, a plant, or a fish, or to be a woman and experience childbirth; I would like to live with the inner life, and to look upon the universe with the eyes of every human being I meet. And so I wander carefree over towns and hamlets, bound by nothing; know and love tens of trades and joyously float wherever it suits fate to set my sail⁠ ⁠… And so it was that I came upon the brothel, and the more I look at it, the more there grows within me alarm, incomprehension, and very great anger. But even this will soon be at an end. When things get well into autumn⁠—away again! I’ll get into a rail-rolling mill. I’ve a certain friend, he’ll manage it⁠ ⁠… Wait, wait, Likhonin⁠ ⁠… Listen to the actor⁠ ⁠… That’s the third act.”

Egmont-Lavretzki, who until this had been very successfully imitating now a shoat which is being put into a bag, now the altercation of a cat with a dog, was beginning little by little to wilt and droop. Upon him was already advancing the stage of self-revelation, next in order, in the paroxysm of which he several times attempted to kiss Yarchenko’s hand. His lids had become red; around the shaven, prickly lips had deepened the tearful wrinkles that gave him an appearance of weeping; and it could be heard by his voice that his nose and throat were already overflowing with tears.

“I serve in a farce!” he was saying, smiting himself on the breast with his fist. “I disport myself in striped trunks for the sport of the sated mob! I have put out my torch, have hid my talent in the earth, like the slothful servant! But fo-ormerly!” he began to bray tragically, “Fo-ormerly-y-y! Ask in Novocherkassk, ask in Tvier, in Ustejne, in Zvenigorodok, in Krizhopole.15 What a Zhadov and Belugin I was! How I played Max! What a figure I created of Veltishchev⁠—that was my crowning ro-ole⁠ ⁠… Nadin-Perekopski was getting his start with me at Sumbekov’s! With Nikiphorov-Pavlenko did I serve. Who made the name for Legunov-Pochainin? I! But no-ow⁠ ⁠…”

He snivelled, and sought to kiss the sub-professor.

“Yes! Despise me, brand me, ye honest folk. I play the tomfool. I drink⁠ ⁠… I have sold and spilt the sacred ointment! I sit in a dive with vendable merchandise. While my wife⁠ ⁠… she is a saint, and pure, my little dove!⁠ ⁠… Oh, if she knew, if she only knew! She works hard, she runs a modiste’s shop; her fingers⁠—the fingers of an angel⁠—are pricked with the needle, but I! Oh, sainted woman! And I⁠—the scoundrel!⁠—whom do I exchange thee for! Oh, horror!” The actor seized his hair. “Professor, let me, I’ll kiss your scholarly hand. You alone understand me. Let us go, I’ll introduce you, you’ll see what an angel this is!⁠ ⁠… She awaits me, she does not sleep nights, she folds the tiny hands of my little ones and together with them whispers: ‘Lord, save and preserve papa.’ ”

“You’re lying about it all, you ham!” said the drunken Little White Manka suddenly, looking with hatred upon Egmont-Lavretzki. “She isn’t whispering anything, but most peacefully sleeping with a man in your bed.”

“Be still, you whore!” vociferated the actor beside himself; and seizing a bottle by the neck raised it high over his head. “Hold me, or else I’ll brain this carrion. Don’t you dare besmirch with your foul tongue⁠ ⁠…”

“My tongue isn’t foul⁠—I take communion,” impudently replied the woman. “But you, you fool, wear horns. You go traipsing around with prostitutes yourself, and yet want your wife not to play you false. And look where the dummy’s found a place to slaver, till he looks like he had reins in his mouth. And what did you mix the children in for, you miserable papa you! Don’t you roll your eyes and gnash your teeth at me. You won’t frighten me! Whore yourself!”

It required many efforts and much eloquence on the part of Yarchenko in order to quiet the actor and Little White Manka, who always after Benedictine ached for a row. The actor in the end burst into copious and unbecoming tears and blew his nose, like an old man; he grew weak, and Henrietta led him away to her room.

Fatigue had already overcome everybody. The students, one after another, returned from the bedrooms; and separately from them, with an indifferent air, came their chance mistresses. And truly, both these and the others resembled flies, males and females, just flown apart on the window pane. They yawned, stretched, and for a long time an involuntary expression of wearisomeness and aversion did not leave their faces, pale from sleeplessness,