I Am What I Am by John Barrowman (white hot kiss .TXT) 📕

The second-to-last performance of any show or concert, whether it’s in the West End, Broadway or on tour, is the performance where all the pranks and jokes are played, and this cast and crew made no exception. But instead of playing pranks with costumes, staging silliness with the sets, or even fooling with the music,15 they wrote, acted, directed and produced their own tour film. ‘Rhinestone Gayboy’ debuted after our penultimate show and, believe me, no one – and I mean no one – other than those watching and participating at the time will ever see this video. Let me just say that it made me blush at times. Feel free to let your imagination run wild here …

For me, the most difficult aspect of touring was finding some down time with Scott. While I was on this most recent tour, Scott was in charge of renovating our London flat. Bye, bye, blue tarp.16 When it was possible, he travelled to a few of the venues and we’d grab a few hours together – with my parents as chaperones.

On the other hand, the brilliant part of touring was seeing my fans and letting them know how much I appreciated them. The whole tour was done for them. I chose songs that allowed them to get to know me even better. When I created the playlists for my concerts, I took the opportunity to include songs that I hadn’t sung before; or that have a special meaning for me, but that I hadn’t necessarily recorded yet. For example, on this recent tour I dedicated ‘When You Tell Me That You Love Me’, a Diana Ross song, to all my fans. I’ve always imagined my albums as love letters to my supporters; I see my concerts as my chance to ‘read’ to them in person.

When Sony BMG approached me a few years ago to record my album Another Side, I was ecstatic. Over the course of one month, I chose all the songs, and with the album’s producer, Graham Stack, recorded the album in London and Cardiff (while I was also filming the second series of Torchwood during the week, and being a talent-show judge on the BBC at the weekends).17

Another Side was my first real studio album. Since it was my first major release, I didn’t have much scope for pushing or pulling away from what Sony or my producers wanted. I had to sit back a little18 and go with their melody because I was a newbie and I wanted to learn.

Another Side sold well, going gold relatively fast. This album and Music Music Music, my second one, are full of songs with special meaning for me. And all my albums have thirteen tracks on them because my mum was born on Friday the 13th of July; in our family it’s a really lucky number for us.

Here’s a related piece of trivia that might net you the big money if you’re ever on the game show How Geeky Are You? or the one I’d be a big winner on, Are You Smarter Than a Person Who Doesn’t Watch TV Endlessly? In the scene in ‘Children of Earth’ where Gwen is being directed through lines of covered bodies to identify Jack and Ianto, the officer in charge says, ‘Thirteen and fourteen.’ I requested that Jack’s body be number thirteen.

When it came to making Another Side, it was important to me that this first studio album reflected who I was as a person. Happily, there was, as I’ve said, great personal significance behind the selection of many of the tracks. For example, I recorded ‘Time After Time’ for a friend in LA who had HIV. His family was incredibly supportive of him, but his dad couldn’t quite put his feelings into words, and so he quoted parts of this song to his son in a letter.

The Police’s song ‘Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic’, meanwhile, was for Clare, whom I adore, but who did get a little less ‘magical’ between the ages of twelve and fourteen.19 I sang ‘Please Remember Me’ for Sandie, Scott’s sister, who died of brain cancer in 2005; and ‘Heaven’ was for Scott and me. ‘Can’t Take My Eyes Off You’, which appears on Music Music Music, was picked because … well, like Frankie Valli, the Pet Shop Boys and Andy Williams, who have all recorded it before me,20 I just like the song.

One of the first things I learned about Scott after we met21 was that he loves to sing along to an eclectic mix of music and to musical soundtracks while he works. He especially loves Dusty Springfield. Sometimes, when you’ve lived with someone for a long time, it’s easy to take that person for granted and not always say aloud the things you should. Believe me. ‘You Don’t Have To Say You Love Me’ was recorded for him, and captures a few of the things we don’t always say to each other.

With ‘I Know Him So Well’, the tenth track on the second album, I had a bit of a fight on my hands with Sony BMG, who initially did not want to include the song the way I covered it. Originally from the musical Chess, it is a duet sung by two women – their characters a Russian chess champion’s estranged wife and his mistress (Elaine Paige played the mistress in the West End production). In the song, the women share their feelings for their mutual lover.

I recorded the track as a duet between two men, singing with Danny Boys. In the end, Sony agreed to my version. I was really pleased I’d dug in my proverbial heels about keeping it as a male duet because I’ve always felt that the song crossed gender lines. When you’re in love, gay or not, the feelings are the same, the doubts as debilitating, and the hurt as painful. I felt redeemed about the arrangement of this