In Deeper Waters by F.T. Lukens (most motivational books txt) 📕

“That’s a good idea.” Tal’s head ached from the light pouring in, and the spot Athlen had cleared was in a darker corner, where he could easily slip back into sleep.

With Athlen’s help, Tal was able to step from the boat to the ledge and walk to the pile of blankets. He eased down onto them, and Athlen fussed, covering him with another bedspread and tucking him in. He placed a cool palm on Tal’s forehead.

“I should’ve found you quicker.” He sat by Tal’s side. “I should’ve intervened on the beach.”

Tal squinted. “No. They would’ve hurt you.”

Athlen slid his fingers to Tal’s overheated cheek. “They did hurt you.”

“There was nothing you could’ve done.” Tal leaned into Athlen’s touch. “They were prepared.”

“I could’ve pulled you into the waves. I tried, but there was that cat and… I feared those humans. They acted like the ones who trapped me.”

“That cat…” Tal trailed off. “That cat had to be someone from one of the royal houses, but I don’t know which one. Zeph said that if I had magic, I was to go to Prince Emerick to be a weapon.”

Athlen shrugged. “Who is that?”

“The prince from Ossetia my sister is to marry.”

“Do you think he was behind your kidnapping? Why would he do that? He’ll be allied with you after their marriage. He’ll… have access to you?”

Tal scrubbed a hand over his face and pushed his hair from his eyes. “The whole time I was on that ship, the sailors tried to get me to reveal my magic. We hadn’t told Emerick about… my power, and we weren’t sure if we were going to at all. Maybe this was his way to figure it out, to draw it out of me so he would prove the rumors true and know for sure.”

“Except they tried to kill you.”

“They tried to kill me to force a war. When I didn’t give in, they decided I couldn’t have magic. And when I couldn’t be a weapon, they were going to blame my death on the kingdom that borders Emerick’s land. That would push my family to war, and it would only benefit Ossetia. Ossetia engages in border disputes, but their army isn’t large enough to handle a real fight. The addition of Harth’s army would allow them to challenge Mysten.”

Athlen shook his head. “Your land politics are weird.”

Tal shot to sitting, ignoring the pain in his shoulder. “I have to send a message to my family. I have to tell them I’m alive and to stop Isa’s wedding to Emerick. He has to be the one behind this.”

“Can you do that?”

“Yes.” Tal swallowed. “With… with magic.” He flexed his aching fingers. Sending a message would be a simple use of his power, even simpler than breaking his chains, but disgust welled inside him at the thought of tapping into that part of himself again. The same part that had wrought destruction and killed the crew. That had been surprisingly simple as well, unleashing a torrent of fire, and watching in grim satisfaction as sails burned and wood bubbled and curled from the intense heat and sailors screamed in panic. Tal imagined sliding down the slippery slope from breaking chains and sending a message to burning the countryside in his want for home and in defense of his family.

“Tal?” Athlen asked. “Are you okay?”

Tal balled his hands into fists. His breaths quickened. “I’m fine.”

“All right. How can I help? What do you need to send your message?”

Tal shook his head. His chest was tight, and he knuckled a spot on his breastbone. “I’m not. It’s too dangerous.” I’m too dangerous. What if he implicated Emerick in a message and someone other than his mother saw it? Would that put his family in danger? And if he told them he was alive, would that send more people looking? What if he had to defend himself? What if he had to use his magic again? Was it better to remain missing or presumed dead until he could get to the safety of his home, where he could hide and lock himself away? “Emerick is at the castle right now. He could have spies that might intercept the message.”

“Oh, good point. What should we do? How soon is the wedding?”

“I… don’t know what day it is. A few days?” Tal picked at a loose thread. His hands trembled. “I don’t know. I told my family to go ahead with the alliance when I shouldn’t have. I made a mistake. I need to fix this. I need to get to them. I need…” Tal choked on panic; his throat clogged. All he could think about was how he’d doomed Isa to a marriage unlike her romance stories. And how Emerick could use Tal to fight his wars. He’d be a murderer like his great-grandfather. He already was. There was no escaping his legacy now, not with the taste of ash on his tongue and the burn of cinders on his fingertips. “I killed them.” The words slipped out in a whisper. “I killed them with magic. My magic.”

Athlen gripped Tal’s shoulder. “Tal,” he said, voice soft.

“I killed them.” Tears rolled down his flushed cheeks. “Zeph. Her crew. Poppy. All of them. I’m no better than my great-grandfather.” Tal curled into himself and buried his face in the crook of his elbow. Sobbing, his shoulders shaking violently, he gave in to his anguish. He’d promised himself he’d never use his magic to hurt or destroy, but he had. He had, and oh, how easy it’d been.

“Hey.” Athlen’s voice was low and calming in his ear. Athlen’s hand on his shoulder slid into his hair and gently pulled Tal until his forehead rested against Athlen’s chest. “Shhh. It’s okay. It’s okay.”

“But I—”

“I know. I know. It must have been terrible.” His arms tightened around Tal. “But I know you, and I know you wouldn’t have done it if you’d had another choice.”

“You don’t know that,” Tal said, voice