Heart of the Guardians: Adoring Destiny by Adrianna Adore (best books to read for self improvement txt) 📕

2

Claire

Claire rubbed at the faint tribal like marks barely visible just under the skin of her belly. They were hard to see, it seemed like they fading away. After the torrid affair with her history teacher, she refused to even think his name, they had started appearing. They were similar to his and covered much of the same areas that his did. His back, chest and upper arms. She didn’t know what had caused them but she was glad they were fading, she didn’t want a body covered with marks that looked like tattoos. She hadn’t told anyone, not even her roommate. Dana had been so angry at the professor. She had raged for days about what a sorry piece of crap he was, breaking up with her by text, telling her he was going back to his wife. Claire had been hollow, not angry. She had never felt what she had with him and thought it had been the same for him. She didn’t understand how he could fake such sincerity, the magic between them had been electric. The marks frightened her and after googling different terms for days, she concluded it was some kind of stigmata. It was the same thing that happened to religious people whose hands bleed like Christ’s. Her mind must have been doing the same thing to her body. She pulled the skin above her breasts taut and they stood up where they belonged. It didn’t take as much effort as it had before, her whole body seemed to be changing. She could easily keep up with Dana on their morning runs, she was losing weight even though she was always hungry and cheated on her diet all the time. She craved honey and slathered it on everything, started adding it to her coffee instead of NutraSweet. Physically, she felt good and as long as she wasn’t thinking about him, which was maybe all of seven minutes a day, she was happy. She was glad it was late fall, it was natural to wear long sleeves. She didn’t have to make excuses to cover up the marks.

She threw herself into her studies, exhausted herself with training at the gym and refused to let Dana set her up on dates. The few times she’d tried, Claire had simply refused. Once she’d arranged for one of her boyfriends to bring his buddy and show up at Rico’s when they were having dinner. The “surprise” meeting was supposed to turn into an evening of drinks, Friday night trivia and laughter. Claire had tried to be pleasant but the boy was a little too grabby, kept touching her. After a dozen thinly veiled innuendos and casual mentions that his dorm mate was gone for the weekend she told him she was absolutely, positively not interested in anything other than eating then going home. Alone.

The boy took it well enough but after the third Margarita and losing every round of trivia he got petulant and rude. When she got up to leave, he’d grabbed her arm. She slapped him.

It was over before she knew what happened, the crack of flesh on flesh loud, the boy was slammed against the back of the booth, a huge red welt on his face. Involuntary tears trickled down his cheek. Everyone in the restaurant gasped and stared, all conversation stopped. Claire was half crouched, a snarl on her face, her fingers curled into claws ready to attack.

“Claire Bear?” Dana asked uncertainly, calling her by the old nickname from their childhood, a shocked expression on her face.

Claire looked around, at all the eyes on her and realized what she’d done, how she must have looked. Like a crazy woman.

“I’m sorry.” She mumbled and rushed out, humiliated and embarrassed.

Dana found her sitting in the dark softly crying, a box of Kleenex beside her on the couch.

“Don’t worry about it,” she said, sitting and pulling her friend onto her chest, “he was being a jerk.”

“I miss him so much.” Claire sobbed. “I’m trying, I really am, but it hurts. It hurts so badly.”

Dana stroked her hair and said comforting words.

“Every time I look out the window, I see his car and I think he must be coming back someday. Every time I do laundry, I think of talking with him for hours in the basement. Every time I go to class, I hope I’ll walk through the door and see him at the lectern. I can’t stand it anymore, Dana. I can’t stand the hurt.”

Claire cried herself out and fell asleep on her best friends tear stained lap.

Dana thought long into the night, long after Claire’s sobs turned to steady breathing. She needed closure, she needed to know once and for all that James Gardner was just a player, that he was a low-life jerk who toyed with a young girls emotions then threw her away like an old sock. She needed to arrange a meeting so she could see once and for all what a scumbag he was and maybe then she could start healing, get rid of the necklace he’d given her and move on.

Dana had late classes the next day. After they finished their morning run and Claire was off to the library, she went up the stairs to James apartment. If he’d locked the deadbolt when he left, she’d have to think of something else but she had a credit card in her hand to jimmy open the bottom lock if it was the only one engaged. She didn’t need it, the door wasn’t locked and opened easily when she tried it. She stepped inside, looked around and wasn’t surprised that it was mostly bare. The apartment came furnished and he hadn’t really had time to personalize it with pictures or knickknacks. Dinner dishes from two were in the strainer next to the sink, his keys were on the table and some papers from school were stacked on a desk. Other than that, it looked unlived in.