Fish: A Memoir of a Boy in Man's Prison by T. Parsell (ready to read books TXT) 📕

It's not like Slide Step was unattractive. He was rugged and muscular, and I loved the way he smiled at me. It was like a kid's grin, with a half-open gape, that held onto just a hint of wonder. But Slide Step was a man, a grown man, and I was still a boy.

Now Scatter Brain-he was a different matter. He was eighteen and smooth, and he excited me whenever he came around. My hands would shake, and I would have to look away, because I was afraid he might guess what I was thinking. When I smiled at him, he would smile back, but in a reserved way. I saw him coming out of the shower once, and I turned and left the room quickly. I wished I had grabbed a peek, but the thought of getting caught was too much for me. I remembered Bottom's having to blow an entire row of guys, because Black had caught him cheating.

I caught just a flash of Scatter's pubic hair against the backdrop of his chocolate skin. His muscles were well defined, and his stomach was ripped. For the first time, I was starting to notice the variations of black skin tones. There was milk chocolate and dark chocolate and myriad shades in between. Scatter's complexion was like coffee with cream-Mocha. It was tight and smooth with a silky sheen, especially where it curved at the muscles. He had a slight mustache, which looked like satin, the way it framed his upper lip. Outside of prison, he could have been a model or actor the way he seemed so perfect to me.

Yet Scatter was straight, and though he did give me every indication that he wanted to have sex-I knew he was off limits to me, unless I cleared it with Slide Step first.

"I think I'd like to try something with a younger guy," I told Slide Step.

He seemed to take it pretty well, at first, though he didn't actually say much other than nod. I chickened out and didn't press the issue.

Manley had already told me that it would be OK if I had sex with another boy-as long as Slide Step knew about it ahead of time, but that I could forget about doing anything with "a man" (i.e., a straight man). It took a while to understand this distinction, but doing it with another boy wasn't a threat to the man-like having sex with another man would be. They considered us almost lesbians-if two boys got together to do something.

As long as I kept trying to please Slide Step, he kept showering me with attention, which made me want to work harder at pleasing him. And he always told me afterward, how good I was. "That's the whip there," he said once, placing his finger on my bottom lip. "Where'd you learn how to do that?"

I was embarrassed and shrugged, not knowing what to say. I'm sure I wasn't all that good, but he always encouraged me. I preferred going down on him, because it didn't hurt like getting fucked and because he would allow me to stop, just beforehand, so I wouldn't throw up. When he fucked me, he took his time and went easy. He even tried to jerk me off once, to see if that would help relax me, but he said I could never say anything about that, because it might be taken the wrong way.

I was always surprised by the different sides of himself he showed when we were alone. He'd share personal things with me, and he liked to cuddle on the floor underneath his bed, which was where we had to have sex without being seen by the guards. I was always eager to hurry out so I could shower or brush my teeth, but Slide Step liked to lie there and talk. Manley or Red were often somewhere up the hall keeping an eye out for us.

Sexual Misconduct or Two-in-a-Room were major infractions that could land us as much as a week in the hole. Slide Step said the guards rarely enforced it, because they understood that a man has his needs, and it helped keep violence down. I suspected it had more to do with how understaffed Riverside was.

Slide Step could make his voice rumble, getting low and raspy, and he would sometimes imitate Barry White in my ear so that it vibrated and tickled. He would overpower me and I'd lose my breath from laughing. He also made his voice squeak, like when he said Hey, Squeeze! in his highpitched wheeze.

If Riverside housed protection cases, I wondered why Slide Step was there. "We pulled some strings," was all he would say. He didn't say who the "We" was, and I didn't think to ask. "Everyone wants to come here," he said, "because it's so open."

After a while, it didn't feel like a prison at all, at least for me it didn't. It was like a playground, where I could do what I wanted-and Slide Step made sure nothing would happen to me.

Manley acted like a big kid and we spent a lot of time together when I wasn't with Slide Step. Sometimes, he chased me around, especially when he found out I was ticklish. He wouldn't stop chasing me, and when I ran into a dorm I wasn't suppose to be in, a guard almost wrote me up for being out of place.

Slide Step got mad at Manley and told him to stop. "You knuckleheads are gonna get thrown in the hole," he said, but as soon as Slide Step left Manley did it again.

When I asked Manley what he was in for, all he said was "I'm innocent." He wouldn't tell me anything else, but it was only rapists and child molesters (and sometimes murderers) who claimed they were innocent to other cons. To the rest of the world, everyone