Instinct by Jason Hough (best memoirs of all time TXT) 📕

is important now. Forget about them. Someday when you're more confident of yourself, when you're better, you'll visit the cemetery and you'll be strong enough to bury all the ugly and nasty feelings right there alongside your mother's coffin.”

She smiled as though that was a wonderful dream, a dream I should pursue.

“Now, let's make good use of this session and talk about other things, okay?”

I nodded and sucked back the remaining tears.

“Good.” She folded her hands and leaned forward. “When you were all here in group therapy, I was somewhat amused to hear Mindy being accused of being my spy. The truth is I don't find Mindy making much progress. I would never solicit her help for anything just yet. Actually, Phoebe, I expect her to be here long after you leave.”

“Really?”

“I'm afraid so. She's a very, very troubled girl. She tries to convince me she's better. She even tries to be my little spy and tells me about the others, about you. I know she's simply attempting to ingratiate herself with me, win my favor. She's very transparent, albeit a very sneaky person, our Mindy. I bet you have no idea that she told me about Teal's intention to run off before you told me, do you?”

I shook my head.

“She heard her talking about it and she told me. When I asked you about Teal, I wanted to see if you were capable of being honest. You were and you areand you're going to do well here. So,“ she said, sitting back, ”I've decided to make you my confidant.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean you're going to be special to me, Phoebe. Would you like that?”

I was afraid to say no, so I nodded.

“I thought you might, but if I am to trust you more and more, you have to trust me more and more. That's understandable and fair, isn't it?”

“I guess so.”

How unexpected all this was, I thought. I had come trembling into this office, expecting her to do something more to me, something that would send me out of here all bottled up and wounded inside just like the others. I half expected to end up in one of those Skinner boxes Gia had described, but here she was making me feel special.

“What did Mindy do before? I mean, why is she here?” I dared ask. I was anticipating the usual sort of response to this. It was none of my business. I should be concerned only with my own problems, but again, she surprised me.

“She gave birth to a baby and left it in the rear seat of a broken-​down vehicle. A passerby luckily heard the infant's wail and brought the police. Someone had seen her go into the vehicle and she was arrested. It wasn't her first experience with police and courts.”

“What about her parents? Didn't they know she was pregnant and wonder about the baby?”

“I am always amazed at how much parents do not know about their own children, Phoebe. What about your mother? Did she know much about you, what you were doing?”

“No. She wasn't around enough to ask or care, and my daddy was on the road too much.”

“And even if they were there more, would they know everything?” she asked, tilting her head a bit.

“No.”

“Exactly.”

Her small smile grew softer. Then she stopped smiling and sat firmly again.

“What do you think of Gia?” she asked in a sharper tone. “She troubles me. She's very smart, I know, but I'm afraid I'm not really making enough progress with her.”

“I don't know.” I didn't. I had no idea how to look for progress here or even what she meant by it.

“She's still very volatile,” Dr. Foreman continued as if she and I were two psychiatrists conferring about one of our patients. “Without warning, she can become a very violent person. I bet you've sensed that, haven't you, Phoebe? You come from a world full of violence. It's not a stranger to you.”

“No. It isn't.”

She nodded, happy at my answers, I could see.

“Gia's parents are better off financially than yours were, but they were just as much into themselves. Besides, Gia has always been good at fooling people, lying. She's one of the best I've seen, actually. And very clever. She did something no one else I've treated for similar problems ever did.”

“What?” I could see she wanted me to ask, and for some reason, that set off alarm bells inside me.

“She made up a person and blamed everything she could on her. She was so good about it that many people believed the person actually existed. At one point,” she said, almost laughing, “the police were looking for Gia's imaginary person, sent out one of those all-​points bulletins.”

She paused and looked even more serious and concerned. “I have come to the conclusion she herself now believes this person exists. I'm working very hard at curing that, and I am going to need your help with it from time to time.”

“Made up a person?”

“Yes,” she said, smiling. “With amazing details, too. Clever in a way, isn't it? But she is very smart, our Gia. I know from our last talk here with everyone that Mindy has mentioned Gia's imaginary person to you and the others, and I'm sure Gia's spoken about her as well since. I just don't know how much she has said and if she continues to talk about her since the group therapy session.”

“About who?” I asked, my heart now pounding and reverberating through my bones like the beat of a steel drum.

Dr. Foreman smiled. “You know, Phoebe. Posy.”

I tried to swallow, but a lump in my throat felt like a small rock.

“Well?” she asked.

“Well, what?”

“Is she talking about her? What did she tell you about her?” she demanded.

I shook my head. “Nothing. I mean, nothing much.”

She held me in her eyes so firmly, I thought I couldn't turn my head to the right or to the left. I couldn't even lower my gaze to the floor again.

“Haven't you heard anything I've said