A Home Like Ours by Fiona Lowe (feel good books .txt) 📕

You told me you wanted us to be okay. Well, you caring about our sex life is part of us being okay.’

He sat up jerkily, his face thunderous. ‘And you caring about me is part of us being okay too. I told you I didn’t want those fucking pills but you ignored me. Do you have any idea what will happen if the club finds out about this?’

‘I’m not stupid! I went to Cobram.’

‘Oh, right. Like those fifty kays will protect our privacy. And great going, Tara. You chose the pharmacy where Kelly’s sister works.’

‘No. I deliberately went to the other one.’

‘Yeah, well, if you still went to lunch with the girls instead of bloody marathon training, Kelly would have told you that Belinda changed jobs last week.’

Tara’s heart pounded in a different way. ‘She wasn’t there.’

‘Doesn’t mean she won’t find out. I’ll never forgive you if this gets out.’

‘You’ll never forgive me?’ Her voice spiked on a shriek, all concerns of their privacy vanishing. ‘I’m the one trying to save our marriage. You’re the one making it all about you! I’m so angry right now, I can’t even look at you.’ She grabbed her pillow.

‘Where are you going?’

‘To sleep in the spare room.’

‘Oh, right. And that makes it so easy for us to have sex.’

‘You never want to have sex!’

‘That’s a gross exaggeration.’

‘Fine. Prove me wrong.’ She waved the foil packet at him. ‘You missed one. Take it now.’

‘I’m not having angry sex with you, Tara.’

‘You’ve got half an hour to calm down.’

He grabbed the packet. With shaking hands, he pressed the pill into his palm and swallowed it. ‘Happy?’

A desperate wave of sadness hit her, loosening her knees and depositing deep fatigue and resignation. She hadn’t been happy all year and one small blue pill wasn’t enough to fix her.

They went to bed but they didn’t have sex. Of course they didn’t. They lay side by side, their bodies rigid with bitterness and resentment. Although Tara searched, she couldn’t find a single pond of calm anywhere inside herself to float on. Instead, her feelings of betrayal fermented.

Jon didn’t say another word and at the twenty-minute mark he was snoring gently, air whistling between his teeth. The sound brought her simmering outrage to boiling point and it spilled over, energising her fatigue. How could he possibly sleep?

Except it wasn’t a peaceful sleep. His legs constantly thrashed, tangling in the sheets as if he was fighting something or someone. Was it her? When his foot landed a blow on her shin, she flinched and reached out to shake him awake. Only what was the point? He’d accuse her of self-interest.

She got out of bed and collected her phone from the kitchen before going to the guest room and closing the door.

She texted Zac. He replied instantly, the ping loud in the silent house. She hurriedly turned her phone to silent before typing I wish we could run right now

It’s a full moon. I’m up for it

You serious?

A line of repeating running emojis appeared on her screen—a blonde-haired woman followed by a black-haired man. Her and Zac. Him chasing her. A tingle spun between her legs.

Another text came in. Meet me at Riverbend in fifteen?

She thought about the kids. They didn’t have coughs or colds. Neither had woken with a nightmare in months and these days once they were asleep they were out cold until daybreak.

And Jon? Would he wake up and notice her gone? Would he care?

Did she?

Breakfast was a shambles. Operating on four hours’ sleep, Tara made coffee and lunches on autopilot.

Jon appeared before the children with black shadows under his eyes and three bits of toilet paper stuck to his face. She steeled herself against the few strands of sympathy that wanted to weave themselves around her heart.

Instead of asking how he’d slept, she said, ‘Got into a fight with the razor as well as your wife?’

He grunted and poured coffee. She waited for him to comment on the fact she’d spent more hours out of their bed last night than in it.

‘You coming in today?’ he asked.

Disappointment sat heavily in her gut, but she couldn’t tell if it was because Jon hadn’t noticed she’d been missing or because it denied her the opportunity to tell him she’d gone running.

‘I’ve got that thank you morning tea at the community garden,’ she said. ‘And then I’m catching up with Shannon. Two things you approve of so that should make you happy.’

‘I want you to be happy.’ Something akin to sadness momentarily softened the discontent in his eyes, then vanished. ‘There’s a staff meeting at two.’

‘Two?’

‘Yeah. I changed the time so you could make it.’

She met his combative look with one of her own. ‘I’ve got training at two.’

He didn’t say anything but his face morphed into the expressionless mask she was coming to expect whenever he got angry. He slammed the lid on his keep cup. The cup tipped and coffee swam over the bench. Swearing, he picked up his keys and, without a backwards glance, walked out the door.

‘I’ll clean it up then, shall I?’ Tara yelled at the slamming door. She threw a cloth over the liquid, catching it just before it dripped down and filled the drawers.

Clemmie ran in wearing her school uniform and sat to eat her cereal. ‘Mummy, can Leila and Sammy come over and play after school today?’

Tara ran through the girls in Clemmie’s class and drew a blank. ‘Who are Leila and Sammy?’

‘You know, the twins.’

Flynn picked up the juice box and Tara watched him pouring it into his glass as if that was all it took to prevent him from spilling it everywhere like his father.

‘Can they, Mummy?’

‘Can who what?’

‘Can the twins come over and play!’

Tara’s thoughts drifted to the kids in Clemmie’s dance class and at Pee-Wee tennis and still came up short. ‘But we don’t know any twins.’

Clemmie rolled her eyes. ‘Yes, we do.’

‘We played with them yesterday.’ Flynn put the juice back in the fridge and carried