The Man Who Wasn't All There by David Handler (book recommendations website TXT) 📕

‘He tried. Fortunately, it’s a hard one.’

‘It’s so good to see you again, hon. How long are you in town for?’

‘A few more days. Merilee was here but she’s left, so now’s your chance.’

That earned me my first swat. ‘You are still such a flirt.’

‘Where’s Sandy? I didn’t spot her at any of the registers.’

‘They moved her to produce, which she is not happy about. She misses chatting with her regulars. But will she ever be thrilled to see you.’ Joanie grabbed the store intercom, flicked it on and said, ‘Sandy to the courtesy desk, please. Sandy to the courtesy desk.’

Sandy let out a squeal of delight from halfway across the store when she spotted me. Once again I got put in a bear hug. ‘I’ve missed you, you tall drink of water. But, my God, your head …’

‘I’ll be happy to get these staples out, believe me. What time do you girls get off?’

‘Four o’clock,’ Joanie said.

‘Can I buy you a beer up at the Rustic?’

Sandy considered this gravely. ‘Gee, I don’t know. I’ll have to think about it …’ Then she let out a shriek of laughter that turned heads. ‘What are you, kidding? We’re there!’

Joanie peered at me suspiciously. ‘Wait, you’re not getting any funny ideas, are you? Because I got to warn you – Sandy may be fast and loose, but I’m not into threesomes.’

‘Really? That’s not what I hear around town.’ Swat. ‘I’ve missed you girls.’

‘Do we get to see Lulu?’ Sandy asked.

‘Of course you do. She’s out in the car.’

‘How’s she doing?’

‘Her paws were in really rough shape, but she’s doing much, much better. We have Gas Hardy to thank for that. If he hadn’t rushed her to Dr Jen, well, I don’t even want to think about it.’

‘Believe me, some things you’re better off not thinking about,’ Sandy said.

Joanie said, ‘We’ll see you at the Rustic a little after four. I sure do hope you brought plenty of cash because we are thirsty girls.’

The Rustic was a tiny burger and beer shack up the Boston Post Road a few miles past Rogers Lake. During the balmy summer months an outdoor deck doubled its seating capacity. Once it started getting frosty, the door out to the deck was sealed up tight and there were only ten tables and half a dozen stools to be had at the bar. There was a TV that was off. There was a sound system that I wished was off. It was playing a truly manic mix that segued from Fontella Bass to the Monkees and then to Lynyrd Skynyrd before it veered sharply to the Kingston Trio. I tried my best to tune it out. The last thing I needed crowded into my concussed skull right now was ‘Where Have All the Flowers Gone?’

The Rustic had great onion rings and Guinness on tap. Who could ask for anything more? I had no trouble grabbing us a table because we had the place to ourselves. I ordered us three baskets of onion rings and a Guinness for myself. Joanie and Sandy, who’d changed out of their A&P smocks into sweatshirts and jeans, ordered Miller Lites. We clinked mugs when our beers arrived and took healthy slugs. The onion rings followed a moment later and were as crisp and flavorful as I remembered them. Karen, our slender young barmaid, was notable for her effort to single-headedly bring back the mullet hairdo. But she doted over Lulu and brought her two anchovies on a little plate.

Sandy, who used to follow me out to the parking lot to visit Lulu over the summer, made an even bigger fuss over her. ‘You are such a little cutie,’ she cooed, petting her. ‘If Hoagy ever, I mean ever, doesn’t treat you right, you can move in with me any time.’

Lulu whimpered and licked her hand in response. Never forget that Lulu’s mother is a great actress. I don’t.

‘Is the poor thing in a lot of pain?’ Sandy asked me.

‘She was, no question. But she’s doing much better. Her bandages come off in a few days.’

‘I could have sworn you went back to New York City for good after the summer.’

‘I did. Just came back for a few days to clear my head.’

‘You got it cleared, all right!’ Joanie roared. Swat.

I was already getting a welt and we hadn’t even finished our first round. ‘Let me tell you, seeing Michael’s body this morning with his throat cut open was a real head clearer, too.’

Joanie turned serious. ‘What were you doing there?’

‘The homicide detective who’s working the case wanted me along for the ride.’

‘Does he have the slightest idea what’s going on?’

‘Not really.’

‘But it must be the same killer, right?’ Sandy nibbled on an onion ring. ‘I mean, both brothers getting their throats cut the same way and all, am I right?’

‘It sure seems that way,’ I agreed. ‘Who’s ready for another round?’

Before I had a chance to catch Karen’s eye, Joanie called out, ‘Yo, Karen! Hit us again!’

Karen laughed merrily and got busy obliging us.

‘So I heard a weird story the other day,’ I said. ‘Is it true that Austin actually used to work with you at the A&P back when he was taking his meds and hadn’t gone totally around the bend?’

The two of them exchanged a rather sorrowful look.

‘It’s true,’ Joanie said. ‘Up until a couple of years ago.’

‘Might have been three,’ Sandy said.

‘Might have,’ Joanie acknowledged, polishing off her last onion ring. She sat back in her chair, lit a Merit with a disposable Bic lighter and took a deep drag on it. ‘He wasn’t up to cashiering. You never knew when he might lose it and go cuckoo-bird on a customer. But he was fine at re-stocking shelves. He’d show up on time every day in his green A&P shirt and trousers. Do his job. Keep to himself. If out-of-towners asked him where to find the tuna or what have you, he’d politely tell them and off they’d go,