The Man Who Wasn't All There by David Handler (book recommendations website TXT) 📕

having no idea whatsoever that the chubby little guy they’d just spoken to was a multi-billionaire.’

‘Did you get to know him?’

Sandy bit down on her lower lip, her eyes moistening. ‘We did. We felt sorry for him, which I guess must sound pretty weird for a Swamp Yankee like me to say. But he had a mental illness. It wasn’t his fault.’

‘He was super shy around women,’ Joanie said. ‘Especially the young ones. But we’d kid around a little with him and he got so he’d kid us back. Or at least try. He was so lonely. He didn’t have anyone to talk to except for her – Dr McKenna, his high-class personal shrink. She’d stop by regularly to buy groceries and look in on him.’

‘Boss him around is more like it,’ Sandy sniffed.

‘I’m getting the impression you two don’t care for her.’

‘Let’s just say she’s got a real high opinion of herself,’ Joanie responded. ‘And never has a friendly word for any of the cashiers. Doesn’t bother to remember anybody’s name. Doesn’t even say hello.’

‘She’s rude,’ Sandy said, sipping her Miller Lite.

‘Really? She’s been super nice to me. Even brought me a vat of homemade chicken noodle soup.’

Sandy let out a laugh. ‘Well, she would, wouldn’t she? She’s a widow with a houseful of kids and you’re a famous, handsome author who used to be married to a movie star. You’re a catch, hon, as you know perfectly well. But when she’s around regular folks like us she acts like she’s special just because she’s a Yale professor who can still fit into a pair of tight jeans.’

‘Take it from me,’ Joanie said. ‘A woman in her forties who still wears jeans that tight has something wrong with her. I’m no Yale shrink like she is, but I know women.’

‘Did you know her husband?’

‘Paul?’ Sandy nodded. ‘Sure, we did. He was a sweet man. And he loved those kids. He’d always bring them to the store with him. Of course, they were a lot younger then. Now they’re teenagers. If she brings them with her she gets testy with them. She’s coiled real tight, that one.’

‘She has a lot on her plate,’ I said.

‘She did get handed a rough deal,’ Joanie admitted grudgingly. ‘What with being widowed so young.’

‘You said she would come in to check up on Austin?’

Joanie nodded. ‘Wanted to make sure he wasn’t causing any problems. Our manager, Frank, strictly gave him the job as a favor to Michael. We all figured that Michael slipped him a little something under the table.’

‘And did Austin cause any problems?’

‘Nothing major,’ Joanie recalled. ‘Though she chewed him out a couple of times right there in the store, remember?’

‘I do,’ Sandy said. ‘Once because he was a half-hour late for work.’

‘And another time because he called the assistant manager, Ron, a dickhead right to his face.’

‘Which would have gotten anyone else fired on the spot,’ Sandy said. ‘But she made Austin apologize and shake Ron’s hand, and all was forgiven.’

‘And then she chewed us out when she caught us chatting with Austin,’ Joanie said. ‘Didn’t care for it at all. We said we were just trying to make him feel welcome. She told us to “let him find his own path.” Those were the exact words she used. I said to her, “If he makes friends that’s a good thing, isn’t it?” She said to me, “Excuse me, what school of psychiatry did you graduate from?” That skinny bitch is lucky I didn’t smack her.’

Sandy went to work on her last onion ring. ‘She’s nothing like Merilee, who lord knows has plenty to brag about. But you’d never know it because she’s just plain folks. Treats everyone like an equal. That’s why we all love her.’

‘That’s why we put up with you, too,’ Joanie said teasingly. ‘Although you don’t have nearly enough meat on your bones for my taste. I’m never comfortable being with a man whose butt’s smaller than mine.’ Swat.

I’d definitely have to ice my shoulder when I got home. ‘So you’d say Austin generally got along OK with people?’

‘No one was afraid of him or anything, if that’s what you mean,’ Sandy said. ‘Mind you, we didn’t see him when he wasn’t doing well. He’d be hospitalized for months at a stretch, poor thing. Then he’d be back for a while, doing fine. And then, poof, he’d be gone again.’

‘I keep hearing that Austin made a lot of enemies for himself when he was growing up.’

‘He shot his own brother in the head with a pellet gun,’ Joanie recalled. ‘Poisoned the Hardy Boys’ dog. Cut off all of Gail’s hair. Tormented Jim Conley’s sister, Deirdre, so mercilessly that she took her own life.’

‘That was just awful,’ Sandy recalled sadly. ‘Of course, you have to remember that Deirdre had the cuckoo-bird gene herself. Not that I mean to speak ill of the dead, but there’s no getting around the bloodline.’

‘Bloodline?’

‘Jim and Deirdre’s mother was Austin and Michael’s aunt. She was their father’s youngest sister. Passed away from cancer when she was young.’

‘You ask me,’ Joanie said, ‘Jim’s got it, too. The Talmadge cuckoo-bird gene, I mean.’

‘Really? He seems so under control.’

Sandy shook her head. ‘That’s strictly his resident trooper personality. Trust me, you don’t want to be around him at a Sunday barbeque after he’s had a couple of Pabst Blue Ribbons. He starts saying the strangest things about the upcoming race war.’

‘There’s an upcoming race war?’

‘He thinks so. Believes the black and brown people in this country are going to unite, wipe out the whites and take over.’

‘And he for sure wasn’t under control when we were growing up,’ Joanie said. ‘Always getting in fights. Always getting sent to the principal’s office. He knocked up Linda Angelico, who had to move in with her grandmother up in Glastonbury. He even stole some money from a couple of widowed sisters whose lawn he mowed. Just walked right in the house and cleaned out their purses. They called the