The Half That You See by Rebecca Rowland (best summer reads .TXT) 📕

Eleanor squinted at the screen, then held her hands up, eyes coming open in concern. Beth knew very well that her grandmother was happy with the channels she had always known, one to four, and would sometimes stray as far as five. Beyond that, she became nervous.

“Yer awa up intae the high numbers!”

Beth smiled sweetly. “Dinna worry yersel, I ken the way back doon.”

From Eleanor’s expression, it was plain that she was far from convinced. She said, “You’re takin’ the piss, you wee bugger.” But with a smile in there.

Beth stepped right up to her grandmother and pulled herself straight. At twelve years old, she looked pale and skinny and frail, but was already almost six feet tall. With her white-blonde hair and sharp features, she was like a stretched version of her mother. Now, she loomed over her grandmother. “Less of the wee, shorty.”

A conspiratorial look between them, then, and Eleanor pointed to her pride and joy, the electric piano pushed against the wall. “You should play Clare de Lune for your Dad.”

Beth shrugged, trying for casual but not quite getting there. Snapped off the television. “Ok.”

Eleanor patted her back and she walked to the Clavinova and beamed at her son.

“She’s really getting the fingering. Could take her next exam any time now.”

School had proved too much for Beth around eighteen months ago, but her grades still mattered to her. Having teachers for parents, English and History, helped, but when Eleanor and her Clavinova moved in, she discovered something she was could get properly excited about.

Now, she walked over and got herself settled.

Even though he knew he shouldn’t say it, Colin couldn’t help himself. “Don’t overdo it now.”

“Daaad!”

Eleanor was right. As Beth progressed through Clare de Lune, he found himself tearing up, it was so beautiful, and struggled to keep his chin from wobbling. His mother took a step beside him, and quietly took his hand.

When Denise came back it was almost ten, and Beth was in bed, having spent most of the evening with her headphones plugged into the Clavinova, practicing. Eleanor watched re-runs of Inspector Morse. As she herself said, laughing about it, she could watch Morse over and over because she could never remember what happened.

Colin looked up from his laptop when Denise walked in, quietly angling the screen away from her. He wasn’t ready to talk to her about what was on there.

“You look bushed, love.”

She smiled and stretched. “Yea. Just going to brush my teeth and turn in.”

Colin joined her only minutes later, bringing his laptop to bed. Her habit was to read a novel for twenty minutes or so before sleep, and she was doing so now.

She looked up and stretched out her hand for him to take. “You know, we should get out more. Just you and me. Make time to be with each other.”

“When?”

“The evenings.”

“That wouldn’t work. You always go out in the evenings.”

She stared at him for a moment, her expression suddenly flat.

“Seriously? I gave up work to look after Beth. In the damned house all day, and now with your mother here too. She’s getting worse all the time and you begrudge me some time out?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“But you do, don’t you?”

He took a breath and held it before answering. “No, I’m agreeing with you. The only time we can speak to each other is here, when we go to bed at night.”

“I’m never alone, Colin. Never.”

“Me neither.”

“But you can go out to work. What do I have now?”

“Look, one of us has to work. And maybe…”

“Maybe the operation will work.”

It was said as a statement, not a question. If the operation worked, and Beth’s heart functioned normally, life would be very different. For everybody.

Colin started to speak, then stopped.

“What is it? Spit it out.”

He stalled a moment, then turned the laptop so she could see. “Have a wee look at this.”

It was a house, a large Victorian with tall windows and four bedrooms. A living room twice the size of their current one. And a garden, with a full acre of lawn.

He could feel her stiffen beside him.

“Not this again. Scotland.”

“I’ve seen a job, Forfar Academy, same school I went to as a kid. This house is on the outskirts of the town, fields and woods all around. If we sold this apartment, we could buy all that and still be almost mortgage free. We could employ somebody to help with Mum, and our lives would be transformed.”

“I don’t know anybody in Scotland. We’ve been through this.”

“We’re cooped up in here. It’s such a struggle to get Beth outside and when we do, it’s not fresh air is it? All these people, millions and millions of them, like a weight, surrounding us all the time. The noise of them!”

“I wouldn’t know a soul.”

“You’d know us.”

“Get this through your head. The only thing keeping me sane, and it’s only just about working by the way, is my sister and my friends. Going somewhere where I don’t have that…I would go down. I know I would.”

“But…”

“I look after our daughter. All day and all night. I look after your mother and I have no clue what any day is going to bring. Don’t put this on me.”

Colin took another long look at the house and closed the page. Behind it was the advertisement for the job in Forfar. He hit delete and closed the laptop.

Two days later, when he got home from school, Denise made a face and jerked her head, telling him she needed to talk to him in the bedroom. His heart speeded as he followed her through; he felt it beating high in his throat and made a little circle with his thumb and forefinger, down by his side where it wouldn’t be noticed. It didn’t always work, but he did it anyway.

“What’s happened? Is she…”

“It’s not Beth, it’s you.”

That stopped him. “Me?”

She was holding her tablet and now she lifted it so he could see the screen. “This is a video