My One Night: An On My Own Novel by Carrie Ryan (life books to read .txt) 📕

I saw people I knew from campus and others I didn’t that must have been from Corinne’s life before she moved here. I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do, but in the end, I found Elise at the back of the house, sitting on the back porch all alone, holding a glass of water and staring out into the distance. I knew she needed space, that it was likely why she had come out here, but now that I was here, I didn’t know what to do with my hands. I sat next to her without saying anything and let out a breath.

She didn’t lean into me, didn’t move towards me, just sat there, blinking.

“I’m so sorry,” I whispered after ten minutes of silence where nobody came out to talk to us.

Elise still didn’t say anything.

“Can I get you something to eat? Anything? What do you need, Elise? I’m here for you.”

Still no words.

“Do you need me to go? Do you need some space?”

I quit speaking, letting her mourn in a way that I didn’t fully understand. I was not a part of this for her, and I knew I didn’t have to be. These were her emotions, but I needed her to know that I would be here for her when she was ready.

She turned towards me, her eyes hollow. “I think I need some space.”

I nodded, my chest aching. “I’ll make sure someone knows you’re out here, but I’ll leave, let you breathe.”

She shook her head. “No, just...the semester’s over, and I just... I don’t know what to do. I already told you that this was a lot, and I didn’t think I could do it. And now with Corinne...” Her voice broke, and I knew she couldn’t finish the statement. “I need you to go. I need to be alone.”

I felt a pain in my heart, and it was as if a cavern had erupted within my soul, breaking me into a thousand pieces. But I didn’t say anything about my feelings. I swallowed hard and nodded. “You don’t need to do this alone. So many people care about you, Elise. We’ll be here for you.”

She looked at me and then blinked, not a single tear falling from her eyes. “Where was I when Corinne was in pain? When she was dying? I wasn’t there. My best friend in the world, and I wasn’t there. I need you to go. I need to think. And I can’t do that when you’re around. I can’t do anything.”

“It wasn’t your fault,” I said softly, trying to hold on. But I wasn’t sure there was anything I could hold onto.

“Maybe. But I wasn’t there. My best friend died alone with broken shards of porcelain around her, and coffee splashed into her hair and across her face. She died, and I wasn’t there. So, yes, I need you to go. I need to just be. Because I can’t be with you around. I’m sorry.”

And then she turned away but still didn’t cry.

My mouth went dry, and I swallowed hard one more time, trying to breathe. I knew she was doing this because she was scared, and me pushing her right now would be the worst possible thing.

Instead, I stood on shaky legs and turned to see Nessa and Natalie and Mackenzie standing there. They had all linked hands and gave me pitying looks. But I knew they were just as upset. So, I nodded tightly and knew that they would comfort Elise where I couldn’t. I was too much for her right now, and I understood that.

But I would be there when she was able to think clearly again. And I wouldn’t be pushed away so easily. Still, for now, I would let her be. And I wouldn’t make a scene.

I walked away from the girl I loved into a house full of mourning and pain and knew that nothing I did would change things or make them better.

This was the beginning of the end. And I had to do the one thing I hated.

I had to walk away from the girl I loved.

And hope to hell she would let me walk back in again.

Chapter 18

Elise

“Elise, darling, you need to eat.”

I looked at my mother and shook my head. “I had an omelet this morning. I’m not hungry for lunch.” I hadn’t been hungry for breakfast either, but I had forced it down, mostly because I knew my mom wouldn’t stop hounding me. Something twisted deep inside. The fact that my mom cared enough to be here for me, that she was alive in order to do it at all, broke something within me, and I didn’t know what to think. Everything hurt. How could Corinne be gone?

It didn’t make any sense. My best friend should be walking through that door at any moment, telling me it was all a joke that had gone too far. I would hate her forever for it, but I would still love her until the end of time. How could she be gone? My best friend since we were five years old, could not be gone.

“I know you did, honey, but will you please eat lunch with us? We’re so worried about you, and we don’t know what else to do.”

I looked at my mother and sucked in a breath. Tears ran down her cheeks, and I didn’t understand. My mother never cried. She got emotional, yes, but she always held herself in check. I remembered my grandmother once saying that she had done it as a child and hadn’t stopped. And I had never been comfortable enough to ask her why. But here she was, crying in front of me. My dad stood in the doorway in his sweater, the one he wore when he was stressed out with work. There were holes in the sleeves, and it was coming undone at the ends. My mother had knitted it for him when she was pregnant with me because she had promised herself that she