All the Little Things by Sarah Lawton (the best books to read txt) 📕

a sparse and empty sort of person. But the office is cluttered with photos and books and piles of paper and folders. There are wildflowers in a jar on the windowsill, starting to wilt. The colours sting my eyes and give me a headache. I wonder if someone gave them to her, or if she picked them for herself. I don’t know who would want to pick flowers for Mrs Barker. We always joke that Mr Barker is her dog.

‘Vivian, do you know where Molly is?’ she asks me, as I stand there in front of her desk. There’s no lead in – she doesn’t ask me to sit down, and I wonder again about why she doesn’t like me. Her mouth breathing is the only sound I can hear: it hisses in and out, in and out. She doesn’t blink as she looks at me, and I see her dislike in the stiffness of her shoulders, the tilt of her face. What does she know about me? What is hiding in the grey filing cabinet under my initial? S for Sanders. S for secrets. There shouldn’t be anything about me from my old school, but you never know. People have loose lips.

‘No, miss.’

‘You were at her house on Saturday night, though? For a sleepover?’

‘Yes, miss.’

‘Molly messaged her parents on Saturday night saying she was staying with you for the rest of the weekend. Where did you go?’

‘I left her at her house, miss, she didn’t come back to mine. I don’t know why she said that. She was still asleep at her house when I left. I don’t know where she is. She’s probably just run off again.’

Mrs Barker’s eyes are flinty and boring into mine. I hold them; I know she’s trying to intimidate me and she can fuck off. Her and her nasty, muddy eyes. What business is this of hers, anyway?

‘Did you have a falling out, Vivian?’

‘No. I just wanted to go home.’

I can see that she doesn’t believe me, but I don’t care. The silence stretches between us until I break it, snap.

‘Can I go now, miss?’

She nods reluctantly and I pick up my bag and leave her office, and I hear her pick up the phone, presumably to report back to whoever wanted to know what I knew about Molly. I want to go and find Serena and Tilly – assuming she’s back – because I didn’t see either of them this morning, and talk about where they think Molly might be.

I find both of them in the canteen at our table, poking at their lunches. Tilly looks thin and pasty, and I can see a rash of acne dancing across one cheek despite the layer of foundation that’s plastered over it. I figure that grief must be a good diet, but not so great on the complexion. I’m surprised she even came back to school looking like that. Maybe her parents made her come. I wonder if Serena did the make-up. I picture her painting Tilly’s face with gentle strokes of a brush, giving her a new mask to wear that is supposed to cover her sadness. It hasn’t worked. I can still see it.

‘Have you seen Molly?’ I ask them, as I sit down. ‘Barker just dragged me into her office to ask me. No one has seen her since Saturday, apparently.’

Serena just rolls her eyes.

‘She’s such an attention-seeker. I bet this is because I told her I knew about her and Matt. She’s probably just off with some other boy somewhere.’ She glances over to the corner where Matt is sitting and listening. He frowns and turns his head. I see him angle his body so he can hear what we are saying.

‘It wouldn’t be the first time,’ adds Tilly. Her voice shocks me for a minute. It’s corroded. It sounds like it’s coming from somewhere far away: her light feathery voice has gone and been replaced with a dirty, grinding husk. ‘She’s always done it. She hates it when people are pissed off at her. She wants us to feel worried about her instead, so she runs off. She managed a whole night one time before you moved here and she wouldn’t tell anyone where she had been, do you remember Serena? Her mum went mental.’

Even though Molly means nothing to me now, I feel an old tug of jealousy that their friendship, their group, predated me. They have all been friends since they were really small, they grew up here. I’m an interloper, an invasive species. These two never let me forget that, and the resentment bubbles up in me again. I try and squash it down, because I need them now. I still want everything to go back to how it was before. Everyone likes us. We are the popular girls.

‘Well, I don’t know where she is. She’s been behaving really weirdly all summer, I don’t know what’s wrong with her. I hope she’s not pregnant or something.’ I deliberately pitch these words so blabbermouth Matt can hear them, and he goes a satisfying green. That will teach him to eavesdrop. Serena and Tilly don’t react to this statement – obviously they know what Molly has been up to as well as I do, by now. We all leave our food to congeal on the plastic plates. We don’t talk, or laugh like we usually do. They share heavy looks that I don’t understand. It’s all wrong.

After the break I go into the bathroom and I wash my hands over and over until after the bell is gone before I come out. I’m going to be late for registration but I want to walk past the college to see if I can see Alex anywhere. I don’t, and I feel a burn of annoyance. Where is he? Why isn’t he answering my messages?

There still aren’t any messages from Alex when I get up, and it’s Tuesday now. It’s been fifty-six hours since I’ve seen him, or touched him,