Apocalypse: Generic System by Macronomicon (shoe dog free ebook TXT) 📕

Casey’s scream ended in a question as her shoulder patched itself up.

The undergrowth shook.

Jeb held his right hand out, splayed, as he grabbed Casey’s arm with the other.

The Mystic trigger deployed the shield in front of his hand, moments before three more spines almost the size of his wrist whistled out of the woods, ricocheting off the plane of force.

“Are you okay!?” Jeb asked, creating some mind-bullets.

“Ugh,” Casey half-sobbed, her goth mascara running down her cheeks as she stumbled. Did she have make-up on her?

I’ll take that as a yes, Jeb thought, pulling her back as three creatures leaped out of the woods.

They looked…half tiger, half porcupine, half lizard.

150% asshole.

They snarled in a way that would almost be cute if they weren’t obviously about to eat people.

“Yia!” they chirruped, leaping toward the two of them.

“Pardon,” Jeb said, picking Casey up, causing the girl to yelp as he stumped backwards, a risky proposition with a pegleg.

The three monsters lunged toward them.

The first one smashed its nose on the invisible shield hanging in midair. The other two dodged around the paralyzed monster with catlike reflexes, angling for the two of them.

Jeb sent his mind-bullets toward the closer one, sending a spike of hardened air through the creature’s forehead and scrambling its brain.

He shifted his arm under Casey’s legs and aimed his finger at the third one leaping at them, paws wide.

“Juggernaut.” Jeb gave the command of one of his ‘full auto’ triggers.

A hundred spikes of telekinetic force shot out of the space in front of his finger in the span of four seconds, tearing the leaping monster to shreds.

Jeb clomped backwards further as he struggled to put more distance between him and the last creature, the one stunned by the plane of force.

He was preparing to skewer it from the side with his mind-bullets when it staggered back from the shield and gave a bloody howl that sank into his skin and froze his spine.

Leaky cum-guzzling son of a bitch!

Jeb directed the bullets around the shield and through the creature’s skull, scrambling its brains a bit out of spite.

“Alright, we gotta get out of here before – “

The little goth teen let out a strangled cry and curled around her stomach, her expression showing extreme pain.

“What’s going on? Did you get hit?”

Casey didn’t say anything for roughly half a minute, simply gritting her teeth and sweating.

A moment later, she caught her breath, panting. “My stomach has been tightening up so hard I think I’m gonna break. Something’s wrong with my baby.”

Contractions?

Any man in their forties, whether they want to or not, whether it be from romantic comedies or experience with their sister, in law, or wife, has osmosed a bit of pregnancy knowledge.

“When was the last one?” He asked.

From his vague knowledge they started hours and hours apart and gradually grew closer together, until it was baby time. If they were lucky, the last one was an hour ago, and he’d be able to get her to –

“A few minutes,” She gasped, her eyes tearing.

Jeb bit back a torrent of curses.

She’s on the home stretch.

“You need to take off your skinny-pants. Baby’s coming.” Jeb said, clomping over to the oak tree and setting her down.

“What?”

“You didn’t know?” Jeb asked, frowning.

Casey shook her head, causing Jeb’s ire to flare up. Every single prospective parent nowadays would do some kind of research about the process, either from curiousity or fear.

“You had nine months and the internet, how could you not know – “

Jeb cut his tirade short, seeing the teen’s fearful eyes gazing up at him, watery with tears.

Everybody’s got their own circumstances. Remind me to find her parents and kick the shit out of ‘em.

“I didn’t know, ah swear.” She said, her voice wavering, a hint of a southern accent peeking through.

“Okay, there’s nothing to be concerned about,” Jeb said soothingly, doing his best to calm her down.

“I’ve done this a bunch of times before.”

Lie.

“I did an at-home birth with my wife for both our kids.”

Jeb had never been married.

“And helped with a few overseas.”

Also untrue.

“I know what I’m doing.” Jeb said, giving her a grin and a thumbs-up.

Complete and utter bullshit.

She looked like she felt better, though, and that was what Jeb was going for. A relaxed pregnant woman was better than a terrified pregnant woman, all other factors being equal. He couldn’t change the fact that he was unqualified, only how Casey felt about it.

“Alright, let’s get those pants off. Junior’s not gonna be able to get through denim.”

When he saw Casey struggling to get her hands over her own distended belly, he took the initiative and began unbuckling her pants.

“Hi, my name’s Jebediah, most people call me Jeb. I’ve got a strict rule of being on a first name basis with a woman before taking her pants off.” He said, hoisting her hips up and yanking the tight denim down, undies and all.

“Casey,” she gasped.

“Casey, nice to meet you.” Jebediah turned to the side, where Smartass and a dozen other faeries were hovering curiously.

“You guys have been drafted.”

“Uh…what?” Smartass asked.

“Your M&M lord commands it! Fetch me water and towels!”

The faeries scattered.

He turned back to Casey. The black-haired goth teen with the running mascara was watching him with a frightened expression.

“Faeries,” Jeb said by way of explanation. “By the way, what’s your Body at? This is relevant to your pregnancy.”

“Thirteen.” She said moments before another contraction hit her, causing her to groan and clench her jaw.

Excellent. Thirteen is well into superhuman territory, so as long as she doesn’t crush her baby’s skull, she should be relatively safe, being significantly tougher than a normal mom.

Jeb had heard