Apocalypse: Fairy System by Macronomicon (fox in socks read aloud txt) 📕

Whether you need protection from monsters or simply need to buy time to make yourself presentable, Life-Aide is on your side!

Warning, choking hazard. Do not use Wand of Flowing Barriers in a manner other than for its intended purpose. Do not tamper with Wand of Flowing Barriers. Doing so voids all warranty and may result in serious injury or death. Life-Aide is not liable for any damages caused by using the product other than for its intended purpose.

“Ehh….” Jeb set aside the pearlescent wand and tossed the next one into the Appraisal cloud.

It was a simple steel tube with a ruler stamped into the metal side and a couple different sliding focus rings along the side.

Wand of Sand-blast

The right tool for every job. The Wand of Sand-blast sends a fine blast of sand out, potentially blinding opponents. But wait, there’s more!

The Wand of Sand-blast can also be used to sand furniture and other projects, even steel and gemstones. It can even be used to cut and polish at different settings. It’s the perfect gift for the crafty son of a bitch in your family this holiday season.

Warning, blinding hazard. Do not use Wand of Sand-blast in a manner other than for its intended purpose. Do not tamper with Wand of Sand-blast. Doing so voids all warranty and may result in serious injury or death. Ricter’s is not liable for any damages caused by using the product other than for its intended purpose.

“Interesting. Next.”

Wand of Translocated Vision

Need a clear point of view to fill out that map, or find true north when the canopy is blocking the sun from view? Look no further than the Wand of Translocated Vision!

Creates a temporary invisible sensor linked to the caster at the focal point of the wand, with a practical range of up to a hundred feet. The user’s viewpoint will switch to the sensor’s immediately upon casting.

Scout Rabzi dens in advance, check around the corner of that tunnel for lurking Smorlocks, all without exposing yourself to danger! Smart wizards choose Tenacity™!

May cause nausea. Tenacity™ is not liable for any motion-sickness or temporary loss of vision the user may experience. Do not use Wand of Translocated Vision in a manner other than for its intended purpose. Do not tamper with Wand of Translocated Vision. Doing so voids all warranty and may result in arrest for spying on the opposite sex.

“It boggles my mind, the gulf between the hyper-consumer tone of wands, versus the Grimm fairy tale tone of rings,” Jeb said, holding up the ivory ring on his hand.

“I think it’s because rings can’t be mass-produced?” Ron said. “I mean, you made your fireball wand in less than a week, with scraps. I wouldn’t know the first thing about these rings.”

Something to think about, Jeb thought, eyeing the ivory ring.

******

“Okay, two slave collars, the bubble wand, sand wand, peeping wand, and the gold ring of Body plus three. That’ll be eleven hundred bulbs, or seventy pounds of gold bullion. Would you like me to wrap that up for you?” Ron asked with a hint of a smile.

“Can I get a—”

“That is at a discount.”

“Just the barrier wand for now, then,” Jeb said. “I’ll be back in a couple days with more gold.”

“I don’t doubt it. I’ll be holding onto these for you until then.”

Jeb wanted to grumble aloud and impugn Ron’s family, but that would be a lie, so he settled for a glare.

“Thanks for the ring, Ron.” Jeb waved as he headed out, completely bled of gold by the heartless monster.

“Yer welcome, come on back anytime. You too, Smartass.”

Smartass waved from Jeb’s shoulder before giving the necromancer a raspberry.

******

Jeb walked down the road, passing by the occasional rusting heap of steel that hadn’t been moved out of the street yet.

I wonder if I could use Ron as reinforcements, Jeb thought, ignoring the sounds of overcrowding—people fighting over scraps of food and children screaming. The usual.

Jeb had only two moral compunctions about using Ron’s zombies as extra workforce. First, he could see a thousand different ways Ron’s zombies could get caught trying to steal children, and those zombies were indisputably Ron’s.

Good way to get the ginger set upon by a mob with torches and pitchforks.

And second, the kid said he wasn’t a fighter. The only reason he’d been a fighter in the Tutorial was because the alternative was death. Ron’s greatest aspiration was to start a business, get married and have kids. He was already halfway there.

As soon as ladies figured out the necromancer was young, single, had money, food, a place to live, and protection, well… He was about to get very popular, as soon as a woman was brave enough to investigate the mysterious owner of Working Stiffs.

Better to keep Ron out of the splash zone, blame-wise. I’d rather have him available for the long term rather than get him arrested or killed.

So if I’m not using Ron, then what’s my in? I need to start yanking kids off the streets, but without getting caught. I was considering using a custom-built zombie to somewhat disguise my involvement from the casual observer, but that’s not gonna fly.

Honestly, Jeb didn’t have the first clue how he would go about stealing children, because he wasn’t a psycho child predator.

I guess the first thing I would do is find some kids living on their own to steal. Jeb thought back to the kids dwelling in the bookstore.

Check.

Then I would case them, either by myself or with loyal investigators. Then, as soon as I got a solid idea of their comings and goings, I would exploit some flaw in their child-logic and lure one away from the group and pick them off.

Not checked.

Maybe I should’ve bought the peeping tom wand.

Jeb