The Girl I Used to Be by Heidi Hostetter (that summer book .txt) 📕

Chase Bennett seemed confident of his place in the world and had no need to stake a claim or impress anyone. His office was cluttered with well-thumbed newspapers and business journals stacked on the floor, and the desk was scattered with charts and graphs. Chase may have retired from his work in the city, but his interest in business clearly hadn’t diminished.

“I wonder if I should record this?” Chase posed and Jill flushed, knowing it was Marc who had made these people so cautious that the mistrust he’d sowed now extended to her.

“You can if you want to,” Jill replied evenly. “I have nothing to hide.”

“Let’s not start off as adversaries,” Mrs. Ivey said gently. “We should remember that Ms. DiFiore has come to us willingly and that her ex-husband preferred the shadows.”

“Fair enough,” Chase agreed, albeit reluctantly. He regarded Jill for a moment before continuing. “Before we answer your questions, I want you to tell us everything you know about that house.”

“Okay.” Jill nodded as she dropped her gaze. It was a reasonable question, but the answer made her look foolish. But she wanted Chase’s cooperation, so she raised her gaze and began to speak. “I didn’t know about the house until well into our second year of marriage, and only then because we hosted a client party there. Marc preferred to keep his business separate from our personal life.” She paused because he’d done more than that. From the beginning, he’d said that the best way for her to help his company was to “look pretty.” So she did, and for a while that was enough.

Mrs. Ivey shifted in her chair and the movement brought Jill back to the present.

“Sorry.” Jill cleared her throat. “During the few times we visited Dewberry Beach to host parties, Marc insisted that I was not to venture into town or speak with anyone other than the clients. He said my job as hostess was here, with him, entertaining his guests.” She sighed. “That was just a couple of years ago but it seems so much longer. There were many things in my marriage that I overlooked, Mr. Bennett, and I’m not proud of it. I lost myself trying to be what Marc wanted, but it turned out that it wasn’t me he wanted. He didn’t even know me.”

Outside, Jill saw a tangle of kids riding their bikes down the street. It seemed that school had let out for the day and they were on their way home.

She returned her attention to the room and finished her explanation. “One of the reasons Marc gave for keeping his work separate was his ex-wife, Dianne. He told me that her interference almost cost him his entire business. That she was unbalanced, mentally ill, and abusive to their daughters—”

Mrs. Ivey gasped.

“What’s wrong?” Jill glanced at Chase. “What did I say?”

“Nothing I hadn’t expected,” he replied. “Please continue.”

“I’m sure she’s not like that. I didn’t question it, though I should have. The truth is that I didn’t question anything Marc told me because I was stupid enough to believe I had to earn his love and that obedience would do it.” She held Chase’s gaze, hoping he would see that she spoke the truth, even though it made her look childish. “I don’t know anything about the house or what Marc did to get it, but I want you to know that I wasn’t part of it. All I want to do is sell it and move on.”

“But you are part of it,” Chase declared, even as Mrs. Ivey reached for his arm. “If your only goal is to sell the house, without caring how it came to be, how is that any different from what Marc did?”

Jill sat, too stunned to speak. After everything she’d told him, he was still comparing her to Marc. They weren’t the same at all.

“Did you hear a word I said?” Jill’s voice rose in disbelief. “I’m a victim here too. Can’t you see that? I can think of a million places I’d rather be than here, owning a house everyone hates. I hear you guys have a petition and someone named Nancy is already talking about using it to block the sale,” she accused, her anger propelling her forward. “But you seem to have forgotten: the building permits on that house were approved, which means the construction is legal. The house is legal. The time for you guys to get all up in arms about how much you hate it was back then. Not now.”

Jill’s chest heaved and her outburst was met with silence. She looked away, embarrassed for having lost her temper but justified with her point. She had come here to try to make things better and they were refusing to see her side.

This was the last time she’d try.

As she collected her things, she heard the heat register click on and felt a soft whoosh of warm air on her face.

Outside, a car drove past the house and Jill noticed that the afternoon light had faded. She felt her chance to make things right slipping away too.

She rose from her chair. “I apologize for losing my temper. My aunt Sarah would have been horrified to hear me speak that way to you. Before I go, I want you to know that the reason I left Marc is because he had an affair. The house you call The Monstrosity is where he lived with his mistress. That’s why I hate it.”

She moved toward the door, but Mrs. Ivey stopped her. “Just one moment please.”

Mrs. Ivey turned to Chase and squeezed his arm. “We need to tell her. She needs to know.”

“I had no idea you wouldn’t know.” Chase lifted his gaze to meet Jill. “And for that I apologize. Please sit.”

As Jill reluctantly reclaimed her chair, Chase crossed the room to switch on a lamp, bathing the room in a warm yellow. On his way back, he drew the front curtains closed and Jill wondered if that was