Elaine Viets & Victoria Laurie, Nancy Martin, Denise Swanson - Drop-Dead Blonde (v5.0) (pdf) by Unknown (howl and other poems .TXT) 📕

with a tennis court, swimming pool, and golf and archery greens to keep her fit and feisty, she wore a threadbare Burberry coat and a pair of faded khaki trousers that belied her tax bracket. With a stubborn Hepburn jaw and white, boyish haircut, Pinky generally radiated patrician disapproval, but tonight she appeared to be appalled to find herself in the presence of the infamous Cindie Rae.

``Hello, Pinky,'' I said. ``I haven't seen you since last year's tennis finals.''

Although bruised from heaven only knew what kind of sporting accidents, Pinky still looked capable of whipping the youngsters who dared set their pretty white sneakers on her tennis court. At the very least she seemed ready to flatten Darwin with the ratty umbrella gripped in her right hand.

``Hello, Nora,'' she said, stiffly summoning her compo- sure. ``I'm sorry you walked in on this ugly scene.''

``Oh, my gawd!'' Darwin put the letter opener to his own throat. ``As if my day wasn't crappy enough! First these two harridans, and now you! I might as well kill myself.''

``Do it,'' Cindie Rae said. ``And I'll get the handbag.''

``You'll do no such thing, Mr. Osdack,'' Pinky snapped. SLAY BELLES 17 ``I was promised that bag for my granddaughter's Christmas gift, and you're going to hand it over immediately.''

Cindie Rae thrust out her armored chest. ``You'll have to go through me to get the bag, you old battle-ax. So back off--unless you want to try shoving a pillow over my face like you smothered all your husbands.''

Darwin gasped. I nearly swallowed my own tongue.

Upon hearing the long-whispered accusation spoken aloud, Pinky drew herself up to her full rangy height and sent a lightning bolt of a glare down at Cindie Rae. ``You, young lady, are a tramp, pure and simple. I won't listen to that kind of talk.''

``So hit the road,'' Cindie Rae said. ``And good riddance.''

Pinky skewered Darwin with an equally electric glare. ``If I hear you've given that bag to this gold digger, young man, I'll do worse than murder you. I'll make sure you never work in this city again.''

I thought Pinky might sweep out of the salon with her head high, but no such luck.

With her umbrella, she whacked the letter opener from Darwin's grip and made one last grab for the handbag. Darwin shrieked, but he was trapped behind the desk and couldn't escape. He whipped the bag over his head to keep it from Pinky's long-armed grasp.

Cindie Rae saw her chance and lunged.

``Ow!''

``No!''

When all three sets of hands latched onto the Lettitia McGraw handbag, Pinky began beating Darwin's head with her umbrella, and I saw Cindie Rae grab a handful of his hair. Darwin shrieked. The three of them crashed down on the desk in a grunting tangle. Popo's water bottles and care- fully organized merchandise flew off the desk in a whirling hurricane of debris. I was hit by a Jimmy Choo and dodged the splashing contents of one of Popo's cans of Slim-Fast. The can clattered to the floor, spraying chocolate glop in all directions, and a six-pack of water bottles tumbled down into the mess.

The melee woke Spike, who muscled his way out of my bag with an unholy snarl. Quicker than an angry rattle- snake, he flashed his teeth at the nearest target--Darwin's 18 Nancy Martin protruding left ear. I heard the sickening crunch of carti- lage, then Darwin's scream. Spike--startled by his suc- cess--immediately released his prey. But the tantalizing scent of Slim-Fast caught his attention. Before I could grab him, the dog made a dive out of my bag. He hit the floor and splashed into a sticky chocolate lake at my feet.

``A rat!'' Darwin snatched his feet off the floor. Pinky leaped onto the desk, too, pinning Darwin under her knee, but hanging on to the handbag for dear life. Somehow Cin- die Rae had commandeered the umbrella, and she began beating Pinky's shoulder with it.

I bent and grabbed a bottle of water from the floor. With a snap, I opened the cap. ``Stop it! Stop it, all of you!''

I splashed water on the writhing heap of humanity as if breaking up a vicious dogfight.

Cindie Rae reeled back first. ``My hair!''

Darwin scrambled out of danger. ``This shirt is pure silk--dry clean only!''

Only Pinky had the composure to stand back in rigid silence, straightening her coat with the last vestiges of her dignity.

``That's enough,'' I snapped. ``You're all behaving like crazy people. Darwin, give me the bag.''

His hand trembling, Darwin obediently placed the Let- titia McGraw bag in my upturned palm. I took possession calmly.

``Now,'' I said. ``We've had quite enough violence for one night. We're going to let Popo decide who gets this bag. It's her job, and she does it extremely well.''

Darwin made a rude noise with his lips.

Cindie Rae was still rearranging the mane of her hair. ``We'll see about that. If I have any say in the matter, Popo is history!''

Pinky said, ``I think I know how to solve this impasse. Here, young man. Surely you can spend this wisely.''

She placed a crisp one-hundred-dollar bill on Popo's desk, but Darwin recoiled from the money as if it might be contaminated. ``Take that back! Do you want to get me fired? I'm not taking bribes!''

``Since when?'' Pinky demanded. ``Popo makes no bones about it.''

``Take it back, take it back!'' SLAY BELLES 19

``Oh, stop screaming.'' Pinky snatched up her money. ``I'm going to find Popo this minute. I'll get this straight- ened out one way or another.''

She made a stalking exit, the hem of her Burberry coat flying out behind her skinny frame.

``That woman is a menace!'' Cindie Rae went to the mir- ror and checked her hair. ``Why hasn't she been convicted and electrocuted by now? Everybody knows she killed both her husbands.''

``That's enough,''