Hooking Up : Sex, Dating, and Relationships on Campus by Kathleen Bogle (top fiction books of all time .txt) 📕

to a bar scene that is all young people and you are again in that college atmosphere. [24-year-old alumnus of Faith University]

Matthew: The beach is the only exception to the [formal dating] rule.

It’s kind of like a fantasy land down there almost.

KB: So what do you think is so similar, what do you think about the beach makes it more similar to college than here [in the city/suburbs]?

Matthew: It’s the same concept of logistics. Everyone is packed into one small town. There is a sense of familiarity . . . you can meet people and recognize people. So any night you can go out to a bar [at the beach and] I’ll know at least thirty people at that place. Whereas if I go out to a club in [the city], I might run into one, maybe two people that I know. That’s that whole meeting people through other people deal. [28-year-old alumnus of State University]

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In addition to the logistical advantages and sense of familiarity at the shore, there is also a different definition of the situation. Recall that many students believed college was “time to party.” The shore scene encourages a similar mentality. The men and women I spoke with felt that they worked hard during the year and they deserved a break when they are on “vacation.” Stephen and Jake, both 28-year-old alumni from State University, said the following in separate interviews: KB: Would you say the shore is any different than [your] social life up here [where you live] in terms of [male/female interaction]?

Stephen: Hmm-mm. I think it’s . . . more [of a] laid-back mentality during the summer. That so-called “it’s summertime I want to do my thing.” You see a lot more of that [at the shore] than you see up here during the wintertime.

KB: Would you say that the shore is more like college than up here?

Stephen: Absolutely. The shore is definitely closer to college than the city [where I live] is. [Emphasis by interviewee]

KB: Is the summer [beach] scene different than during the year?

Jake: No doubt about it. Yes.

KB: Why is that?

Jake: Girls are much more liberal, they are much more of interest, talkative down the shore. [At home] there is more dating, I’d say fall through spring. [During the] summer, everybody goes down [to the shore] just to have a good time.

KB: There is more of like a hookup college scene [at the beach]?

Jake: Totally.

KB: What do you think of that? Do you like the summer?

Jake: Yeah, of course. [Laughs]

It seems that alumni actually engage in what can be referred to as

“script switching.”7 In other words, they utilized the formal dating script during the fall, winter, and spring; however, during the summer (when they were at the shore), they utilized the hookup script. Although some of the men I interviewed were enthused about the opportunities for hooking up at the shore, not everyone held the same view.

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KB: You spent some time down the shore during the summer. Is anything different down there than it is during . . . September to May up here?

Elizabeth: It wasn’t for me.

KB: Did you have the same thing of guys asking you out down there?

Elizabeth: It was almost like being back in college. [I was like]:

“What? No! I am not going to make out with you at the bar.

What is wrong with you?” [Laughs] Maybe it’s because, I don’t know what it is, but it felt like being back in college. In a crowded bar or party, everyone is drinking and I don’t know. It was weird because I kind of felt like am I the only one who is past this now. You know? But there [were] some

[who asked]: “Can I have your number?” But, there was also lots of [me thinking]: “Can you stop breathing on me.” [25-year-old alumnus of Faith University]

Unlike Elizabeth, not all men and women simply “age out” of hooking up. In other words, the shift to dating after college is not just due to people maturing. When the environmental factors are in place, many return to the hookup script.

THE SEARCH FOR RELATIONSHIPS

Men and women find themselves playing new roles in the dating script.

During college, men were often sex driven, primarily interested in women whom they found physically attractive. In the dating culture, men redefine themselves as more conservative and old-fashioned; interactions with women take on a more serious tone. They now seek romantic relationships and desire more substantive qualities in a partner.8

For most women, their objective postcollege did not change. They continue to pursue relationships, but their sexual behavior becomes more reserved. On the surface, it appears that men and women are on the same page. Unlike their college years, both spoke of wanting relationships, including serious ones; however, their timetables for “settling down” are still at odds. Men can afford to take their time to find “the one” via dating, while women, who generally want to marry sooner than men, often have difficulty finding a serious, marriage-bound ll I F E A F T E R C O ll ll E G E

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relationship as quickly as they desire. Coming to the realization that they would not be married as soon as they hoped was very disillusion-ing for some of the women. Elizabeth, a 25-year-old alumnus of Faith University, addressed this issue.

I want to have kids now. I am like: “Obviously that is not going to happen.” I didn’t want to be, and not that it is bad for anyone who is but, I didn’t want to be thirty. Maybe I will have kids in a few years, [but]

I wanted to have them young. Soon. Now I am like: “Wow! That is not happening.” I mean like even if I met someone right now and dated someone for a year and a half at least, get engaged for a year,