The Nurse by J. Corrigan (list of ebook readers txt) 📕

supposed it would be afterwards. I’d seen how new mothers, even the ones who’d been through the most horrendous pregnancies and births, forgot most of it by the end of their first day in the job – that was of course if the baby was well and healthy. If not… well that was another story. Another contraction came, stronger, and I nearly fell out of the car.

Daniel rushed around the other side to help me, saying to Cam, ‘Could you make some calls?’

I’d assumed he’d already done that at home. But then a skewering pain rammed at me from inside and I broke out into a sweat. I was finding it hard to breathe, and for the first time since going into labour, I was scared.

Mark had hold of my left arm and Daniel the other, but before we started to move, Mark gently pulled up the sleeve of my jumper and I thought I felt the prick of a needle. Then the three of us staggered towards the hospital’s entrance.

Catching my breath, I turned to Daniel. ‘Something isn’t right.’

‘Everything’s fine,’ he said soothingly. ‘Mark’s the best. Let’s get you inside so he can look you over. Don’t fret. Everything’s under control.’

I looked up and thought I saw someone standing close by. Was it my mum? I was so glad she was there. But then she was gone, before I could call to her. Was I imagining things? She could be there, it might be her shift, but my sight was hazy and I was unable to focus. She couldn’t be there, not unless Daniel had gone to pick her up. And he was here with me, not picking up my mum. Then I remembered my thought of only moments before. She might be at work today.

‘Come on, Rose,’ Cam was saying. ‘Everything is good. You’re panicking.’

‘I’m not panicking.’

I felt Daniel’s arm around my waist as we entered the main atrium of the hospital. ‘Everyone is here and ready for you.’ His tone sounded more relaxed, and that calmed me.

‘She needs oxygen,’ I heard Cam say, although I couldn’t see her. She was behind me, attempting to hold me upright.

I managed to glance at Mark. His face was blurred, but I could see that his huge annoying smile had dropped to the ground somewhere between the outside of the hospital and here.

‘Get a trolley,’ Daniel said quietly. Thank God he was there. I felt the reassuring pressure of his hand on my arm.

Cam was beside me on one side, Mark on the other. I managed to lodge my bottom on the trolley. ‘Give me a minute,’ I said. I leant forward a little, my palms resting on my thighs, my eyes resting on the reception area’s sea-blue carpet. I felt everyone around me waiting. ‘Just a minute… please.’ Finally I looked up and my vision was clearer.

‘Rose, please, we need to get you to the delivery room.’ Mark’s voice. Then he and Daniel were lifting my legs.

I laid my head on the pillow, felt Daniel’s hand on my forehead. ‘Try and relax, let everyone do their work,’ he was saying.

The trolley was being rammed through the delivery room doors. I hadn’t had another contraction since arriving. Mark was lifting my blouse, his stethoscope on my belly, then his hands. Lying down wasn’t what I was supposed to be doing. I wanted to be in the birthing pool, but knew I wasn’t going anywhere near the water, and a fleeting image of Casey flashed through my brain. I wished I’d seen her today. Would I ever see her again? I was going to die, my baby was going to die. Why was I thinking that?

‘She’s okay, Rose. Samira is okay,’ Mark told me. ‘These are normal labour pains.’ His face seemed enlarged, engorged. Distorted.

‘I can’t do this.’

‘You’re fine.’ It was Daniel, whispering into my ear. ‘Mark has you covered. Of course you can do this.’ He took hold of my hand. But then he let go, and I couldn’t see very much.

‘Do you love me?’ I asked.

‘I do love you.’

‘Is my mum here?’

‘No, not yet. But she’s on her way.’

‘I thought I saw her.’ I lifted my head.

‘Rose, you need to concentrate on giving birth to Samira.’

He said he loved me, but he’d moved away. Everyone around me was reshaping into people I didn’t know, or people I was imagining. And there was a hardness in Daniel’s voice that pierced me.

His lips were close to my face again. ‘I do love you, Rose… I did from the beginning.’

‘My contractions have stopped.’

‘Hush.’

I couldn’t feel his touch any more.

Only an hour before, we’d been about to make love. Of course he loved me. The drug was swallowing me; what had Mark given me? I tried to be objective; hadn’t I seen the hysteria of so many women during labour? I was being dramatic. I was probably hallucinogenic. I had to calm down for Samira.

Tomorrow we would be in her nursery, together.

But the tears were saturating my face, and there was no touch from Daniel.

‘Let’s get everything ready,’ I heard Mark say. His voice was so different. Different altogether from the one I’d been listening to for months. Or was it? Cam was putting a cannula in my arm, and at that moment I felt the oxygen mask being clamped over my face. What were they doing? The contractions had stopped. Terror flooded through me.

‘What time is it?’ I asked.

‘It’s just after midday, Rose,’ Cam replied softly. ‘Wednesday.’

‘Be quiet,’ I heard Mark say.

I wanted to feel Daniel’s hand on my skin, but there was a vacancy. I put my own on my stomach, trying to touch my baby.

‘She’s on her way.’ Mark was speaking loudly. Was he talking about Samira? She wasn’t on her way. Everything had stalled.

But I was on the way now. The blackness behind my eyelids was becoming grey, then white, and Samira’s image played like a film inside my mind. A baby who hadn’t been born yet but whose life