Junction X by Erastes (best autobiographies to read .TXT) 📕

lying beside me, hot and sticky, while I explained that he’d finished the damned papers, so it didn’t matter what was said after the fact. From his revision and his grasp of the subjects covered, it was clear to me that he was going to shine, and shine he certainly did.

The results came in, and I didn’t need a clandestine meeting to hear about it. Sheila and Alf dragged him over to our house, their smiles as wide as their faces and pride coming off them in waves.

“He can take any of his offers with those results.”

“All he needs to do is to decide.”

Alex, clearly embarrassed, was trying not to smirk. The young man I loved was brimming over with happiness, although I dared not meet his eyes.

Given the worsening atmosphere, Valerie only came to life when visitors called or the children were around, but she was magnificent that afternoon. She was always impressive when guests arrived, expected or not, and she swept into action as if she’d been planning for this moment for as long as Alex’s parents had. Perhaps that was true. She certainly produced a bottle of champagne that I don’t remember buying, and it was cold, too.

The twins sulked horribly when they weren’t allowed a glass. “Alec is!” they complained bitterly, so they were placated by less than a thimbleful mixed with their cordial.

Alex was permitted half a glass, which I then filled to the brim amongst universal complaint. It gave me a reason to put my fingers over his as I steadied the bottle. Mistakes. We all make them, but that was probably the first I knew of; the exchange of glances between us was probably the second.

Then we all sat around and discussed Alex’s choices—for some reason I was considered to be the authority on universities, when I actually knew very little. Alf had dragged brochures along; for a while, I was reminded of Alex’s first visit to this house, when he’d been an almost invisible teenager, rolling his eyes at his parents. That afternoon he tried to slide into the background but that escape had gone for him. He was at the forefront and, suddenly, to my eyes, completely adult, hiding in his jeans and T-shirt. I sat and stared at him, then realised what I was doing. I got up to empty the bottle, then took it into the kitchen.

I think I was staring at the pictures on the fridge when the door opened and Alex came in; there was a wall of laughter from the sitting room and then it was cut off sharply as the door closed behind him.

“It’s all right,” he said, reacting to something he’d seen on my face. “They are busy planning my life. As usual.”

“What are you going to be?”

“Happy.”

Goose pimples broke out all over me. I had this crazy feeling that if I could hold him tight enough that everything would wash around us. The kitchen table stood guard, sensibly chaperoning the mad urges I had.

“I wanted to tell you—you know, alone, but…”

I smiled. “You were never going to get away with that.”

“It won’t change anything.” It was a question and a statement and a plea for reassurance all in one.

“Of course it will. But not here, Alex.”

He ignored me, and tears sprang into his eyes. I saw the strain of the past few weeks showing clearly, as well as his fear of the future. “No. Don’t say that. Don’t ever say that.” He seemed like he was going to step forward and I flinched; I couldn’t help it. His expression froze, and he turned on his heel. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

And then Val came in. The timing couldn’t have been much worse. I suppose he could have been in my arms, but I hadn’t completely lost my sanity. “Alec,” she said. “your parents—”

Alex pushed by her without a word, but his face was bright red, and he was brushing the tears away with his sleeve.

“Alec? Ed?” She looked sharply at me as the kitchen door closed. “What did you say to him?”

I floundered, caught in an impossible moment. I know my mouth opened but nothing came out.

“For God’s sake,” she said. “It’s enough you take…whatever-it-is that’s up with you out on me. On your family. What did you say? You know he’s sensitive!”

When she left, I sat at the kitchen table and wept until I had to pull myself together and see Alex and his family out.

+ + +

That evening was a nightmare I’d rather not remember and the worst row Val and I had ever had. She used the fact that she thought I’d been unkind to Alex as a fulcrum with which to crank up the strain between us.

The children were in bed, and we didn’t shout; one thing we’d learned about married life was to argue and not to shout, but the row was no less acrimonious for being spoken.

“And I’m telling you—again—that I didn’t say anything to him!”

“He was crying, Ed. On the happiest day of his life. Five minutes in the kitchen with you, and you made him cry.”

“Perhaps it’s the strain of the exams, perhaps it was the champagne…”

“Which you gave him, even though no one wanted you to.”

“Christ, I don’t know, Val! I don’t know what you want me to say to you—I’ll apologise to him tomorrow!”

Her face was white and she looked straight at me as if she’d never seen me before. “I’m pregnant.”

If I’d been expecting anything, it certainly wasn’t that. It side-swiped me as surely as if she’d smashed me across the head with a crowbar. I stood and stared at her, my breathing shallow and heavy. “What?”

“I’m pregnant.” She watched me closely, and her eyes seemed like echoes of Alex’s—desperate hope that was going down with the ship. “I’ve been meaning to… I hope you’d…” She sat down on the bed. “Ed, if I ask you something, will you promise to be honest with me?”

“Of course. Christ.” There was no limit to