Amber by Heather Burnside (fb2 epub reader .txt) 📕

but he wouldn’t lie about summat like that. And if you’d seen the look on his face, you’d know he wasn’t lying too. I’m telling you, Amber, he’s fuckin’ shitting himself.’

Sapphire’s action coupled with her words made Amber more amenable to what she had to say. ‘W-w-what did he see?’ she asked again.

Sapphire stared at her for a moment, her stern expression telling Amber she was running out of patience with her. ‘He said he thought they were having sex at first but then he noticed that Kev had his hands round Cora’s throat. He swears Cora saw him looking through the window, and her fuckin’ eyes were bulging out of her head apparently.’

Amber instinctively raised her hand to her mouth as she felt a tremor of fear surge through her body. Then her legs grew weak. This time it was her who grabbed hold of Sapphire’s shoulder to steady herself.

‘Now you believe me!’ announced Sapphire.

Amber shook her head although it was obvious from her reaction that she thought Sapphire was telling the truth. Even if she didn’t want to acknowledge it, the shock had hit her like a slap in the face, and a hidden instinct told her that it probably was true.

‘Are you alright?’ asked Sapphire as Amber took her hand from her shoulder and tried to steady herself.

‘Yeah sure,’ said Amber but her bravado sounded hollow.

‘Right, I’ll have to leave you then. I’ve got to go to work.’

Amber didn’t say anything; she just stared at Sapphire as she walked away. It occurred to her that she had been a bit off with her friend and should have at least thanked her. But maybe Sapphire would understand that it was because of the shock.

As she tried to come to terms with Sapphire’s revelation, thoughts began to flash through her mind with alarming clarity. Kev’s barely concealed anger with her. The way he had handled the guys in the wine bar. And his uncontrolled beating of Cliff and the guy in the tunnel.

She shuddered at the recollections, knowing how close she had come to getting a beating from Kev. The only reason he hadn’t done so was because of his own belief that it was wrong to hit women. But even though he suppressed that urge, it was still there, and she was troubled knowing that he had been fighting it all this time.

49

November 2001

Loretta was on her way back from the shops, her arms laden with shopping bags. It felt good to be able to buy the things she wanted for her and the kids, and she knew she wouldn’t have been able to do that if it hadn’t been for Amy entertaining two to three men per week for the past year.

She was in one of her sober, reflective moods when the guilt at what she was doing ate away at her. There were many times when Loretta regretted letting Cliff and all the other men take advantage of her daughter, and she had decided yet again that she would put a stop to it.

But in the back of her mind was the nagging doubt that her resolve might cave once she’d had a bit to drink. As usual, the lure of the money would prove too much and she would give in to her alcohol-induced reasoning again, telling herself that the additional money wasn’t just for her; it was to give the kids a better life too.

Secreted inside the shopping bags were a few bottles of red wine and a bottle of brandy, and Loretta was already craving for a drink as soon as she got home. She had overindulged the previous night and knew she needed something to calm her shaky hands and racing heart.

When she turned into her street, she saw Mrs Wiley outside her garden gate chatting to Mrs Griffiths from over the road. They watched her as she approached. Their expressions were grim, and they kept turning back to each other and saying something. Loretta suddenly felt self-conscious and was convinced they were talking about her. Despite how long she had lived here, she still didn’t quite fit in.

The fact that she had taken a step down when she had moved to the area was enough to alienate her in their eyes without anything else. But Loretta knew that her suicide attempt a couple of years ago could only have given them more reason to take against her. The two women were resilient types who had rushed to her rescue and that of her children, but she somehow knew that on reflection they would have seen it as a weak and selfish act.

It was difficult to feel grateful for what they had done when she felt so indebted to them. She also knew that they would have derided her for leaving the children to fend for themselves when things got too much for her. In their eyes, she had done a bad thing and she would always be scorned because of it. Despite all that, they managed to rub along. None of the women had ever spoken to her about what happened that day, nor she to them, but Loretta knew that it was always there, like an invisible barrier between them.

Before Loretta reached her neighbours, Mrs Griffiths went back to her own house, but Mrs Wiley remained, leaning on the gate, her large frame making it appear diminutive in comparison. Her eyes were roaming along the street but straying back to Loretta at intervals.

Loretta knew she was waiting for her and wondered what she wanted. Whatever it was, she hoped it wouldn’t take long as she was anxious to get back home and pop open a bottle of red while she cooked the tea for her and the children.

As she drew to within a few metres of Mrs Wiley, she noticed that her neighbour was now staring directly at her. Mrs Wiley’s gaze was unwavering, and Loretta became concerned over what the other woman was about to say. For