Not My Mother by Miranda Smith (lightweight ebook reader .txt) 📕

ask. He nods, smiling. “That’s why she finally loosened up. Became a different person. She knew I couldn’t be taken away from her anymore.”

“She knew you were safe.”

“And I keep thinking about all those times I asked her questions about my father. A part of me hated her for never telling me who he was. It made me think he was some dirtbag. That he decided to walk away from us. From the sounds of this,” I say, lifting the letter, “he was a decent person. Why didn’t she ever tell me that?”

“Given the circumstances, she probably wanted to put as much distance between you and her past as possible. If she had told you the truth about him, even his name, and you looked into it, someone might have tracked the two of you down much sooner. Whatever happened in New Hutton back then, it must have been traumatic. I doubt her letters accurately portray the terror she felt.”

I look down, the words on the paper blurring together.

“You’re a lawyer now,” I say, with a nervous laugh. “Will any of this help Mom? Or is her case still a lost cause?”

He looks away again, raising his hand to his chin. He used to do this back when we were together, whenever he had to think through something intensely. The longer I sit with him, the more I feel like I’m back in the past.

“The DNA test helps, but Bruce Parker’s murder is still her biggest hurdle. These letters provide more insight to what happened on that day. His death very well could have resulted from an act of self-defense. We have the truth, the problem is proving it.”

“What if we were able to track down Jamie? I think she might be the person who called me at the hospital in the first place. Maybe she would corroborate Mom’s story. Admit that Bruce attacked her.”

“It could help, sure. It’s still going to be Eileen’s word against everyone else’s. And the time gap is hard, too.”

I feel defeated, an intense welling in my chest that won’t ease. “Mom doesn’t deserve to spend the rest of her life in prison, not after reading this.”

Evan squeezes my shoulder, rocking me closer to him. “Look at it this way, she has a better chance now than she did a week ago. If we’re able to back up her account, it at least gives her a shot. Carmen’s a pro. She’ll do the best she can.”

“She was happy enough with the DNA test results. When she reads these letters, her mind will really be blown.”

“You’ve not told her yet?” He pulls both feet onto the couch, resting his arms across his knees. “I figured she would have been the first person you called.”

“She wasn’t.”

We are quiet now, letting the room fill with whatever unresolved emotions remain between us. Evan has always been there for me, until he wasn’t. The trauma of this situation has erased the last few years. Evan is the first to speak.

“When I moved back here, there were things I’d planned on telling you. But with Eileen’s arrest, I’ve been trying to hold off. I don’t want you to feel like I’m taking advantage of you at your most vulnerable moment.”

“Like what?”

“I guess there was a part of me that was hoping we might be able to give our relationship another shot. Now that we’re both settled.”

He’s said it, the words that have been going through my mind for years. Even with all the time that has passed, I’m not sure how to respond.

“The first few months I was at Sanderson made me realize I’d made a mistake leaving you behind. I knew it was the best school for me, but the idea of living another two and half years without you was almost too much to bear,” he continues. “As time went on, neither of us had dated anyone else. I started to think maybe there was a chance, at the end of all this, that we’d get back together. Then bam. My sister said you were having a baby. There was a part of me that was happy for you, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t hurt.”

“How were you hurt? You’re the one who chose Sanderson.”

“And I asked you to come with me. I understood why you didn’t. I knew it was a huge sacrifice, and when you said no, I accepted it. It even made me love you more, really. You’ve always been so determined to do things your own way, but then you just completely moved on.”

“Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do after a breakup?”

“Yes, it is. But it still hurt. And you didn’t move on with some other guy. You had a child, Marion. It’s like you just carried on life without me.”

“And you’d rather I’d waited?”

“No, of course not. But I’m trying to be honest right now about what I have been feeling since I moved away.”

“You said you weren’t ready to settle down here.”

“And I wasn’t, but it doesn’t mean I didn’t want all of those things with you eventually. It’s like you just went on without me. You’re the one who left me behind.”

My cheeks are warm, and I’m grinding my teeth together. Why does he have to do this now? Why does he have to do this ever? We both made our decisions years ago and rehashing them accomplishes nothing.

“I was ready for Ava.”

“I’m glad.” The smile on his face is full of sincerity, even pride. It’s clear Evan wants me to be happy. He lifts his head, and we lock eyes. “All I’m saying, is I hope one day you’ll be ready to give me another chance, too.”

The reality is, I’ve never fully given up on the idea that one day we might be together. Even when it didn’t make sense, geographically or otherwise. When I decided to have Ava, I thought maybe that was what I was choosing—her over him. And yet I don’t feel that way