More Than This by McLean, Jay (free ebook reader .TXT) 📕

“Where are you?” I yell into the rest of the house.

“Hang on, I’ll be there in a sec.”

I sit down and wait for him.

“How about this, can we stick this on?” He hands me a photo of me and our friends at my graduation. Me, in the middle and him and Logan on either side, the others around them. Jake has his arms around my waist and Logan has his around my neck. Everyone is making stupid faces, cross eyes, tongues out, rabbit ears, Cam pretending to hump Lucy. Jake and I, we’re just looking at each other, into each others eyes with huge goofy grins.

“I thought… never mind, it was a stupid idea,” he says, starting back down the hall.

I stop him by grabbing his arm. “Jake, it’s a beautiful idea.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” I take the photo from his hands.

“Think she woulda liked us?”

I think about this for a while.

“No, Jake, she would’ve liked them. You, though, she would’ve loved you.” Just like I do.

***

*Jake*

There’s a knocking on the door.

We’re in my bed and Kayla is wrapped around me.

It’s perfect.

There’s more knocking on the door.

Kayla moans and holds on to me tighter, so I let her, and hold her back. She’s so warm.

More knocking.

Fuck. I may have said that part out loud.

I jump out of bed and pull on sweats and a hoodie, and walk out of the bedroom, leaving Kayla to sleep the morning away before we go to the cemetery.

More knocking.

“I’m coming!” shit.

It’s asshole James. At my front door.

What the fuck?

“Hey.” He’s looking behind me.

“She’s asleep, asshole. What do you want?”

He rubs his hand down the side of his face. He raises some flowers he has in his hand. “Here,” he says to me.

“Um… thanks?” I respond, taking them.

“Shit.” His hands go in his front pockets. “This is so fucking awkward.”

“No shit,” I deadpan.

He huffs out a big breath, causing his cheeks to puff out. It’s cold out and I really don’t know what the fuck he’s doing here so I start to close the door.

“Wait,” he says.

So I do.

“I know it’s Emily’s birthday today. Her dad… every year for their birthdays he’d buy them flowers. Tulips to be exact. Emily got pink, Micky got yellow and Denise got red.” He’s looking down and shaking his head.

I study him, brows knitted together.

He looks up. “Tulips, they… they were what Kevin delivered to Denise accidentally… that… that’s why…” he trails off.

I understand what he’s saying.

“Why are you telling me this?” I ask him.

“Because, you’re it now,” he shrugs. “You’re everything to her.”

I nod my head once, thanking him, before closing the door.

I make my way to the bedroom, and she’s sitting up. She sees the flowers in my hand and her eyes widen for a second before understanding dawns.

“From James?”

“Yeah,” I sigh, handing them to her. “But from now on, they’ll only ever be from me.”

I kiss her on the temple before jumping in the shower.

Chapter 43

*Mikayla*

We spent most of last night writing things on note cards to put in Emily’s birthday box. Some things were goofy and funny, and some things were heartfelt and real.

Jake put a few of his own in, he wouldn’t let me see what was on them.

Now we’re at the cemetery. It’s the first time we’ve been here since the funeral. I know I should visit more but it just hurts.

Jake gives me a kiss on the temple then walks back to the truck, giving me a few minutes alone with her.

I feel a little strange talking to no one, so I just place the box on her headstone and sit with her for a bit.

Before I leave, I take out the letter I wrote when Jake had fallen asleep and slip it into the box.

***

Dear Emily,

First off, I love you, and miss you so much. You would have been 10 today. I guess it’s a little hard to write about things you’ve done, like we used to do, so I guess I’ll just write about what we would talk about if you were still around.

I don’t know how things work, but I’m sure you know now about James and Megan, and don’t worry, I’m okay.

Emily, I met a boy, and I fell in love. So deeply in love, it hurts. His name is Jake, he’s super cute, and you would have loved him. You all would have. Dad already kind of did.

He is absolutely everything the books tell you that boys should be. And if you were still here today, I would tell you, that in your future, do not settle for anything less than the Jake Andrews of the world. Because they exist, and not just in fairytales.

I have new friends too. You would love Heidi, she loves Justin Bieber almost as much as you do. They all care about me. Like, truly care about me. They were there for me when no one else was.

It hurts to know that you’ll never have the feelings or experiences everyone should have. Like when you fall in love for the first time, or have your heart broken. You’ll never have a first kiss or the butterflies of your first date. The first time a guy holds your hand, or holds you in his arms. You’ll never know the feeling of telling someone you love them, or them telling you.

The worst thing, is that you’ll never know the feeling of falling. Falling so in love with someone, and I don’t mean love, I mean Love Love. The Mom and Dad love. The love that’s so instant and intense and easy and it feels like all the worlds forces collide and fate gives you a push and you’re there, in front of the person who’s part of you. Like, the world spins and your heart explodes and you want nothing else at all in the entire universe, as long as you can be