Etiquette and Vitriol by Nicky Silver (best books to read for students TXT) 📕

pool of light. As he speaks, the lights come up dimly behind him. We see Bishop dragging on a huge bag of shoes, mostly tattered-looking. Bishop and Phyllis arrange the shoes around her on the floor.)

HOWARD (Out): I don’t know if Bishop went to school. About three days after he came back, he started leaving. Going out in the morning and coming back at night. I thought, if he went to school, if he saw people his own age, he would calm down. Are you going to school, Bishop?

BISHOP (From his place by Phyllis): NO!

HOWARD: Where are you going?

BISHOP: NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS!

HOWARD: We had what you might call a negative rapport. And Phyllis sat in the living room. Arranging her shoes. Breaking my heart. Occasionally, she made sense, but mostly, Bishop was right. It was best to ignore her. She slept on the floor of the living room and Pam came to me. Creeping past her.

(Pam enters and joins Howard in his pool of light. While they talk, we see, dimly, Bishop caressing, fondling and making love to Phyllis.)

PAM: It’s long enough Howard.

HOWARD: What?

PAM: I can’t go on like this.

HOWARD: Like what?

PAM: Living in the closet.

HOWARD: Oh.

PAM: With them here.

HOWARD: Be patient.

PAM: I need you Howard.

HOWARD (Out): I felt so guilty.

PAM: Send them away.

HOWARD: I feel so guilty.

PAM: You didn’t do anything.

HOWARD: They need me.

PAM: She’s insane.

HOWARD: She’s confused.

PAM: He’s dangerous.

HOWARD: He’s high-strung.

PAM: They need help.

HOWARD: I’m his father.

PAM: Put them away.

HOWARD: You look very beautiful.

PAM: Howard.

(Pam leaves the light. The light behind Howard goes out so he is alone onstage.)

HOWARD: And Pam pushed me. And we made love. And in her breasts I forgot my savage son and my addled wife. Her skin is as white as beach sand, and I made circles around her nipples with my tongue. And in the darkness as I fucked her, as she panted, not to wake them, Bishop saw us. He watched from the hallway. He stared at the door. He stood in the dark. And I knew he was watching, and I pounded harder and she said I was a god. And I was trapped, unable to move in any direction.

(Howard exits. The lights come up on Phyllis playing with her shoes. Pam enters, now visibly pregnant. Some time has passed. She is dressed in a maid’s uniform. She dusts.)

PAM: ‘Scuse me.

PHYLLIS: I was arranging my shoes.

PAM: I was going to dust in here.

PHYLLIS: You can.

PAM (Sarcastic): I won’t disturb you?

PHYLLIS: I am so disturbed already.

PAM: It’s a lot of shoes.

PHYLLIS: None of them fit.

PAM: Where do they come from?

PHYLLIS: Shoe stores, I think.

PAM: Oh.

PHYLLIS: Or the garbage.

PAM: Oh.

PHYLLIS: Bishop brings them.

PAM: Oh. That one’s nice.

PHYLLIS: You can have it.

PAM: Well, thank you.

PHYLLIS: I don’t like it.

PAM: Oh.

PHYLLIS: And it has no mate.

PAM (Dropping it): Well thank you anyway.

PHYLLIS: I’m hungry.

PAM (Miserable): Would you like me to get you something?

PHYLLIS: You’re a bad cook.

PAM: I know.

PHYLLIS: I feel like . . . eggs!

PAM: What?

PHYLLIS: I think I’d like some scrambled eggs.

PAM: How about a sandwich?

PHYLLIS: No. Eggs.

PAM: Ice cream? We have ice cream.

PHYLLIS: Why can’t I have eggs?

PAM: We don’t have any eggs.

PHYLLIS (Sinister): What kind of a maid are you?

PAM: Howard doesn’t eat eggs.

PHYLLIS: I eat eggs.

PAM: He doesn’t like them.

PHYLLIS: You are a terrible maid.

PAM: I’m not the maid, Phyllis.

PHYLLIS (Frightened): Are you her evil twin sister?

PAM: No.

PHYLLIS: Then you’re the maid.

PAM: No, no. I’m not.

PHYLLIS: You look like the maid.

PAM: I’m me. That’s not what I mean.

PHYLLIS: You’re trying to drive me insane.

PAM: I’m not.

PHYLLIS: I think that’s cruel.

PAM: Listen to me.

PHYLLIS (Out): And redundant.

PAM: I’m not really a maid.

PHYLLIS: Is this an argument for existentialism?

PAM: No.

PHYLLIS: If you’re not the maid, then why are you dressed like that? Not that I don’t like it. I do. It reminds me of my mother.

PAM: Is she a maid?

PHYLLIS: She’s a waitress.

PAM: I’m an actress.

PHYLLIS: And you’re preparing for a part?

PAM: Not exactly.

PHYLLIS (Giving up): Can’t you just dust?

PAM: I want to prepare you. I want you to understand.

PHYLLIS: I don’t think I want to.

PAM: You know I’m going to have a baby.

PHYLLIS: I just thought you had bad posture.

PAM: And Howard is the baby’s father.

PHYLLIS: Howard? Howard, who?

PAM: Your husband.

PHYLLIS: He’s sleeping with the maid?

PAM (Losing her patience): Pay attention.

PHYLLIS: How cliché.

PAM: I wasn’t a maid when I conceived!

PHYLLIS: And he gave you a job. I think that’s big-hearted.

PAM: No Phyllis! Listen to me. Concentrate. Howard and I are in love. I’m not a maid. I’ve been pretending. He doesn’t want to hurt you. He feels responsible for you. But time is passing and I think you’re strong enough to see. To understand.

PHYLLIS: Understand what?

PAM: I plan to marry Howard. As soon as possible. I plan to marry him.

PHYLLIS: I see.

PAM: You do?

PHYLLIS: Yes. That’s why you never go home and you’re here when I wake up and here when I fall asleep and why you creep past me at night and why you pretend there’s a room where I know there’s a closet.

PAM: I hate that closet.

PHYLLIS: It’s a nice closet.

PAM: Are you upset?

PHYLLIS: No. What do I care if you like the closet?

PAM: About Howard? About me?

PHYLLIS: Oh. No.

PAM: Really?

PHYLLIS: Now I feel we can talk like friends. I felt class distinction prevented that when you were the maid.

PAM (Out): There is dignity in any job well done.

PHYLLIS: Howard plans to send me away then?

PAM: He’s afraid to.

PHYLLIS: I know I should leave this room.

PAM: He’s not very strong.

PHYLLIS: But I don’t want to. I thought, when I was on the island, I thought all I wanted was walls. I thought I wanted a television. I thought I wanted cars and people. But when I try to get up, when I try to leave the room, I feel sick. Sometimes when no one’s around, I try and I get really sick. It’s not in my mind. I know you hate me.

PAM: What?

PHYLLIS: I know you hate that we’re here. Please don’t. I’m sorry. I’m sorry