Toe to Toe (On Pointe Book 1) by Penelope Freed (read with me TXT) 📕

“Save me a controller!” Andrew yells back. “You coming?”

“I’m not sure. We were supposed to be having a girls’ night.”

“Drew! Get your ass in here!”

“Coming!” he yells back. “Come on,” he adds, tugging on my hand. I pull it back, annoyed by how pushy he’s being. Andrew just shrugs and heads inside the house.

I stand outside in the dark, mulling the afternoon over in my mind. I had no idea Allyson was interested in Andrew. In my defense, how would I have known? I’m not friends with them, I’ve never had a conversation with either of them before today. The attention from Andrew was flattering, but the more Andrew flirted and got touchy-feely, the more uncomfortable I felt. I could see how I’d gone from confused by his attention, to flattered by it, and even enjoyed it for a little while. But after the way he kept touching me during the game and that confrontation with Allyson, I feel more sick about it than anything else.

I wonder if I would have felt the same if it had been Trevor? I’ll probably never know.

I wonder if he felt that same combination of power and novelty that I had? Maybe that’s why he was paying attention to me. If I was flattered and charmed by being the center of his attention, I wonder if he felt powerful by wrapping the innocent ballerina around his little finger all afternoon. I know that I’m not interested in him myself, before today he had never crossed my mind as anything other than the subject of other people’s gossip. How can you have a crush on someone you don’t even know?

I laugh to myself at the obvious irony.

No wonder Olivia was so annoyed with me.

I can see Katy and Lisa squished together on a loveseat, Hunter sitting on the arm next to Lisa, sneaking occasional glances at them. Katy is shouting and waving her arms, clearly directing the guys playing whatever video game is on the screen. Boys are strewn around the room, some on the couch, some standing behind it, others sprawled on the floor. They look absolutely comfortable, obviously at home here. Olivia and her friends are standing in a little knot by the front door. Allyson looks like she’s complaining about something and I have a pretty good guess what it is.

This is what I’ll be giving up if I get my dream. My summer will be spent in a hot, sweaty studio with dancers who are as dedicated and talented as me, not at a pool surrounded by other teenagers just wanting to have fun. Is it worth it? Is my dream worth giving up the chance to do what every other teenager in the world does?

Through the sliding glass door, I hear a faint round of goodbyes from the boys as the girls leave, closing the door behind them. I keep watching through the glass, not ready to go inside. There’s a wave of cheers from some of the guys and groans from the others as something happens in the game. It’s like watching a movie, I see what they’re doing and I’m happy that they seem to be having fun, but I’m outside of it.

Standing there in the dark, I know that as wonderful as this is, it isn’t enough for me. I want that sweaty studio and giving this up doesn’t feel like a sacrifice, it feels inevitable.

“Hey,” Olivia says, quietly sliding through the glass door. “You okay?”

“Hey,” I respond automatically. “Um, yeah?”

She stands there, rubbing her arms. Olivia looks, not exactly nervous, but like she’s not sure if she’s going to stay or leave. “Allyson can be a real piece of work,” she finally says, “I’m sorry she picked on you like that.”

“I would have thought you’d think I deserved it. Karma and all that.” I shrug. “I get it now,” I add. “You were right, I was self-absorbed and I wasn’t being fair to you. I wasn’t being…” I search for the word I want. “Realistic.”

“You weren’t wrong either. I did invite you on purpose, back in January.” She clears her throat, looking uncomfortable. “I knew. I remembered your crush. I just wanted to…” she seems to be searching for the right word just like I had. “I just wanted to win.”

“I kinda get it now. It’s a rush, huh?” I pull out one of the lounge chairs and sit, patting the spot next to me. Olivia perches gingerly next to me.

“Hannah, I owe you an apology, for real. That was a shitty thing to do to you, you were right. I invited you on that date because I thought it would make me feel good that Tyler picked me over you.” She takes a deep breath and lets it out, sagging into the chair.

“Yeah, it was. But I forgive you.” I bump her shoulder with mine. “I know you didn’t do it for the right reasons, but it was time for me to wake up and move on.” I pause, pushing the too-long sleeves of Andrew’s sweatshirt up to my elbows. “My crush on Tyler gave me something to draw on when I’m dancing. That vague kind of ‘artistic pain’ I thought I needed, since I’d never really had anything else like that to draw from.” Olivia makes a sad sound at that. “Sorry,” I whisper, swallowing the urge to apologize a hundred more times. “But it was a safe kind of pain. I knew, really, that it was never going to happen. So my long-standing crush was pain I could control. It wasn’t real pain, not like yours,” I add. “And I know that makes me an awful person, but I saw how hard it was when your mom…” I can’t bring myself to say it.

“Died,” Olivia supplies for me.

“Yeah,” I clear my throat. “I saw how much you hurt and I was afraid of it. I was afraid of something happening that would make