The Amish Teacher's Dilemma and Healing Their Amish Hearts by Patricia Davids (all ebook reader .txt) 📕

he was worried about something too. She was the most caring, prim and proper woman he’d ever known. So different from Becca Graber’s outgoing nature. And yet, Becca seemed no less kind and giving. She just went about it in different ways.

Sam’s back and shoulders trembled, his tears wetting Jesse’s neck. The boy curled his tiny hands into the folds of Jesse’s shirt, as if he were clinging to a lifeline. Jesse continued to reassure the boy, speaking sentiments of comfort.

How he wished he could believe what he said. That everything would be all right. That the painful ache lodged inside their hearts would somehow ease and go away. But it hadn’t. Not one bit. Because Alice, Mary and Susanna were all gone. And Jesse couldn’t bring them back. He thought that relocating his son to Colorado would diminish the tender memories they each suffered from. That somehow, they could forget. But it was still there, raw and painful. Haunting them every day.

Jesse had been taught all his life to accept Gott’s will. That he should be accepting of where divine Providence had placed him. It wasn’t right for him to question Gott’s motives in anything. But he did. He couldn’t help asking why Alice and his little girls had to die. Why?

Now, Jesse had only his faith to rely on. The belief that Gott had taken his familye into His hands and would love and care for them until they could all be reunited once more.

“Gott verlosst die Seine nicht.” Jesse spoke the phrase softly, trying to believe that God would never abandon them.

Sam didn’t respond. Didn’t move a muscle or say a single word. But Jesse knew he heard and understood. Now, if only they could both believe his words, they might have some hope of healing.

An hour later, Jesse still lay there in the dark, staring up at the ceiling, wondering if it had been a good choice for him to bring Sam to Colorado. It was what he and Alice had talked about. What they had planned for some time. Their home and familye in Pennsylvania was gone and he’d thought to give them a fresh start somewhere that didn’t remind him and Sam of all they’d lost. But even here, in a house that Alice and his girls had never lived in, Jesse still saw them every day in his mind and in his heart. The memories haunted him. And he realized then that they were such a part of him and Sam that neither of them could ever forget. Jesse couldn’t seem to let them go. He could run and hide but they’d still be with him. He longed to run away, but he couldn’t run from himself. So, how could he overcome the pain and regret and live again? He must have faith! He knew that without a doubt. Yet, it was so hard to put his beliefs into action.

Sam gave a little shudder, his breath coming slow and even. They lay there together, both suffering in their own different ways. But Jesse was Sam’s father. He must set a good example for his son. To show him that he truly believed Gott rules over all. That no matter what trials came their way, they could overcome anything through faith and obedience to Gott’s will. Surely the Lord hadn’t abandoned them.

Or had He?

In the wee hours of the night, Sam finally slept. Jesse felt the boy’s body soften, his little chest rising slowly with each breath. But there was no peace of mind for Jesse.

Ever so gently, he eased away from his son and stood looking down at the boy. Dried tears streaked Sam’s pale cheeks. He looked so innocent. So pure and defenseless. And an overwhelming urge to protect him flooded Jesse with deep and abiding love. He was Sam’s father and owed it to the boy to care for him. To help him any way he possibly could.

Sam shivered and Jesse reached to tug the covers higher over his child’s slender shoulders. Turning, Jesse walked out of the room. The stairs creaked beneath his weight as he went to stoke the stove and warm up the house. Morning would be here soon. They’d get busy with their activities and it would ease the tension for a time...until nighttime fell and they once again were tortured by their painful memories.

He stared out the dark windows, seeing the faint golden light of sunrise. The mountains were beautiful here, reminding Jesse just how small and insignificant he really was. And yet, he knew Gott loved him. Surely He would care for him and Sam.

It was Church Sunday and he must soon awaken his son for morning chores. They would drive seven miles to Bishop Yoder’s farm where they would listen to the Lord’s word and worship Gott. That must never change. Jesse’s beliefs had become his anchor in life. He could never abandon his faith. If he did, he knew Alice wouldn’t approve. She was counting on him to teach Sam. To show their son how to be a good man of faith.

Becca Graber would undoubtedly be at church too. Maybe Jesse should speak with her about Sam. Perhaps he should swallow his pride and ask the pretty schoolteacher for advice. Maybe she had some good ideas that might help Sam.

In the kitchen, Jesse sat on one of the hard, wooden chairs he’d made with his own two hands. Hours of working late into the night as he strived to create a warm and welcoming place for him and Sam to live. In the past, he had enjoyed such work. Especially when he showed his new creations to Alice. She would smile with approval and reward him with a gentle hug and kiss. Now, she wasn’t here and he wondered why he even tried. What did he have to live for anymore?

Sam!

The boy’s name came to his mind as if in a shout. He must forgive and forget and keep striving to better serve